It's hard to believe that I am turning 34 next month. 34 is the age I promised I would start pursuing the whole adoption thing, knowing that it may take years. Thing is, 34 came rather quickly - and truth be told, it's freaking me out a bit. John and I are still uncertain about them overall, and we're still nowhere near ready for kids, but the reality is that we want the choice - and so we have to start the process soon.
I was hoping that our lives would've been a bit different by now... but circumstances have been what they've been. The economy totally threw us for a loop, something we were completely under-prepared for but learned from, however we're still picking up the pieces. Essentially, we couldn't afford to have kids right now even if we wanted to. Everyone says you just "figure it out," but I'm not sure if I believe that. We're still struggling to pay off debt we racked up trying to keep a house we wound up having to sell - and are still trying to create a financial cushion for ourselves as well, just in case we both find ourselves in precarious unemployment scenario once again.
It's a lot to process, but I think I'm going to stick to my guns on the promise of getting started this year, so that we can, at the very least, have it going, regardless of what we ultimately decide.
I was wondering where you were - wow 34, what i would give to be as young as 34!!! I would just throw caution to the wind and see where life takes you - my kid hasn't cost too much so far but she's definitely worth every penny :)
ReplyDeleteCost of living's less in Oregon... : )
ReplyDeleteUnrelated advice for anyone thinking of ever having children.
ReplyDeleteNearly 50% of infertility issues involve the man.
Nearly 30% of infertility issues are only the man.
Before you start trying to get pregnant, you should send your man to a Urologist. You can save yourself time, heartbreak, money, and birth defects by a simple sperm analysis and blood test.
Urologists are completely misunderstood by many people who see the "Ur" in the beginning and assume they fix bladder problems. Though many do specialize in that, the reality is they specialize in many different things. The ones who specialize in male sexual health are the male equivalent of a Gynecologist.
But unlike women who are comfortable and confident with going to a Gyno, most men have no idea why they would go see one. Most guys are too overconfident or too embarrassed to even consider going to a doctor about their" junk."
The tests are inexpensive and easy (blood draw and sperm sample) and it can be the difference between having a healthy child and not having a healthy child. (Also, they usually can improve you sexual libido and performance.)
As the only person I know who is comfortable saying they went to a urologist, I can recommend Dr Scott Zeitlin in Century City. www.drzeitlin.com
Urologist? We're not trying to get pregnant, but thanks for the advice anyway.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes Anne, the cost of living is way better in Oregon. Wish we could get there already!
ReplyDeleteHi Leigh - I'm turning 34 next week and was feeling really stressed out/depressed about it and I stumbled across this blogpost in the process of wallowing in my misery on the internet. haha. I've been perusing your blog for the last hour and a lot of what you have been going through really hit home for me!
ReplyDeleteI think part of my sadness with turning 34 is that my husband and I also are on the fence about kids and this birthday is just one more reminder that we don't have a ton of time to decide if biological kids are something we want. We love our lives and children are such a major change. I'm not sure if I want to alter our current life, but I also worry that I could regret not having a child. Oh and I also have pretty serious anxiety about pregnancy/childbirth (i have a lot of medical anxiety in general!) that seems like a huge road block for me. My husband is not interested in adopting if we couldn't/don't have our own.
I love kids, he love kids and I think both of us would be pretty great parents. I used to want kids very badly but somewhere in my early 20's that desire also disappeared for me but part of it has come back, but not without reservations. I get a lot of "well if you don't know by now, you probably don't want them/shouldn't have them" and "If everyone waited until they were ready to have kids no one would ever have them". They think they're helping, but they're not. All they're doing is making me feel bad about my confusion, which feels bad enough on it's own.
Sorry to go off on a long rambling comment -I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in the confusion you and your husband have gone through (and I think it's more prevalent among couples today) and in a way, reading about someone else struggling with this makes me feel a little less like a freak. :) Good luck with whatever and however you and your husband decide!
Hi Andrea -
ReplyDeleteNot sure whether or not you'll see this - but thank you so much for your lovely note! I am thrilled to hear that you found my blog, because I intended it to be for people like us - who are in fact, on-the-fence! Everyone else is of course, welcome too - but it's nice to hear that at least one individual who is the intended audience is reading! :)
Anyway, I'm actually now 35. Funny how time flies... and my hubby and I have gotten much closer to a decision, which I will likely be posting about relatively soon, so please stay tuned!
Thanks again for reading - and don't let everyone else and their two cents drive you bonkers. You guys will come to a decision that is right for you!
It's funny that your concerns are 100% in line with mine though - and yes, I think this on-the-fence business is much more common among couples these days myself.
I did see an article just the other day about how more and more women are pushing childbirth to their late-30s - 40-ish - and MANY of them are having a second child as well... so there's time... to some extent anyway! A friend of mine recently started scaring me into 'trying' sooner if that's the road we go down - but I have since decided that they might have been projecting a wee bit, given that they, (both he and she), are 7 years older than I am.
Bottom line - don't feel pressured to do anything just because everyone else says to!