I Jewgle... and sometimes, I do it very, very well. (Sometimes).

I Jewgle. I hate to cave to stereotypes, but it's true. I am a semi-neurotic, (okay very neurotic), Jew - with a marked tendency to overreact to even the slightest medical malady. Instead of simply brushing it off until I see what happens, (and whether or not it necessitates a visit to the doctor), I start Jewgling. I love Google - and the Internet of course... but for those of us who are literally born with this rather annoying tendency, (paranoia/fear/need to know what's wrong with me now), Google can be a very dangerous thing. So can WebMD and a host of other sites for that matter, which Google will gladly lead you to if you're Jewgling mind you, and in my case, this is always what transpires when I've managed to convince myself that I'm dying of one thing or another. Granted, it doesn't help that I am obsessed with shows like Trauma in the ER, Mystery Diagnosis, I Was Born Without a Head et al, but trust me... it wouldn't make a difference if those shows didn't exist.

In my defense, I'm actually not a bad Jewgler. Years ago, I was on a very stressful business trip in NYC. I was overworked, overtired and underpaid, and I dragged my then-boyfriend, (now husband), John, along with me. Within 24 hours upon arrival, John got hit with what was probably the nastiest flu/cold/virus I'd ever seen. He had a fever of 104... and I HAD to go to work. There was no getting out of it. I left him in bed with mediocre room service and even less impressive food, having obtained antibiotics for him - and hoped for the best. I begged and pleaded with him to go to the ER. He wasn't having it.

Lo-and-behold, I wake up the next day - and my eyelids are practically sealed shut. Mind you, this is the day of the "Big Event" I'm in NYC for in the first place... a huge launch party for a high-end designer line of eyewear with a very well-known designer duo, at a chi-chi venue that has been in the making for months. I'm supposed to arrive dressed to the nines, and look as flawless and confident as possible, but I have these eyelids that are inflamed, ruby red, and look as if they are the eyelids of a 95 year-old woman that hurt when water so much as touches them. What do I do? I take my laptop into the lobby of my hotel for wireless access, and begin the Jewgling process. In this particular instance however, I was right. Even before the "top rated" dermatologist and ophthalmologist I would see that day would figure it out, I already knew that I had severe blepharitis... kind of like psoriasis of the eyelids. Not good. That same day, I went to a dermatologist, (again, top-rated), who couldn't even IDENTIFY what the problem was and said, (and I quote), "I won't touch that until you've seen a ophthalmologist." That's comforting. Way better than Jewgling, right? Anyway - managed to get the appointment with the ophthalmologist - who inevitably confirmed my own diagnosis. No, I'm not looking for kudos here... I'm just stating the facts of what transpired during this unfortunate trip, (while also adding a bit of credibility to those of us who know how to Jewgle well).

Anyway, to add insult to injury, after the mysterious eye debacle that prevented me from looking/feeling my best at a very elegant and amazing event, I wound up having to fly back home with the same horrific flu/cold/virus thing that John had. (He had recovered by this point). On a side note, John had been planning to propose to me on this trip. Let's just say I'm happy it didn't go down that way.

To make a long story short... somehow, it both comforts and tortures me to Jewgle. I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't...

HOW WILL THIS TRANSLATE TO CHILDREN???

Will I Jewgle more? Will I Jewgle at the slightest sniffle? I have to assume so. Right now, I actually believe I've got it in check to some extent, (the desire to Jewgle that is). Truly, I'm not a hypochondriac - I'm more of an "alarmist" and thus only utilize this method when I'm 100% certain that SOMETHING IS WRONG. I've just got to figure it out as soon as humanly possible, because waiting for an appointment at the doctor simply doesn't work as it should.

But kids... I mean, really. Helpless little tiny PEOPLE... I'm already paranoid about my puppies. I Jewgle for them already when something is amiss in their happy, frolickly little world... and again, more often than not, I'm right on the money with the initial, pre-doctor/veterinarian diagnosis.

Now imagine me with kids...

Take into account that I inherited this fun little trait from my mother. Albeit I have it to a lesser extent than she, but honestly, what will this do to any little lives I have anything to do with?

Do I even have time to Jewgle for children? It could become a full-time job...

I ask you... what do you think? Do you do this?

Let me end this rather lengthy post by crediting the folks who first introduced me to the "Jewgling" term... Adam Carolla and Teresa Strasser. People I'm hoping to have the honor of interviewing for this blog one day, as equally neurotic, opinionated people themselves, who happen to have kids. If you don't listen to their podcasts, you should.