So here's the deal. I'm an opinionated gal - who usually knows precisely what she wants - and goes after it. I knew I wanted a dog, and I found him online. I knew I wanted a husband, and I found him online. I thought I knew how I felt about children, until I turned 27 - and then the light switch which had been on my entire life, suddenly went off, with no notice whatsoever. It was strange. I always thought I'd be a young mother... married and impregnated by 26 or 27. Well, that plan didn't exactly come to fruition - and today, I have ABSOLUTELY NO EFFING CLUE as to what I do or don't want anymore when it comes to this decision.
I am married to John B. Fountain, a ridiculously talented, loving, wonderfully caring man, who is, unfortunately, also very confused about whether or not to have kids.
Hence the name of this blog - To Kid or Not to Kid... because ultimately, that is the question.
When I decided to create this blog, I thought - hmm... how cool would it be to let America decide for us?
My husband, (wiser and less impetuous than I), quickly put a stop to that.
But here is what I ask of you... (as what will hopefully become my vast and loyal readership), what do you think?
I want to know. Do you have kids? Will you share the truth about how you feel about them - either publicly or anonymously? I hope so.
Did you choose not to have kids? If not, why not? Are you happy about the decision, or do you have regrets?
Are you on the fence, like John and I? What do you think will 'turn the tide' one way or the other?
Bottom line is, I'm confused, as is John.
By the way, we have two adorable Boston Terriers, Otto and Anna, (pictured here), that we couldn't live without. They will become a post as well... down the line, thanks to the fact that I'm a neurotic over-thinker, who is already concerned about what babies would do to the little 'fambly' we've already created.
I look forward to creating an open, online dialogue with you... the world at-large.
Sincerely,
Leigh Hope Fountain
I would have commented earlier, but when my jaw dropped I had to go downstairs to get it as it had fallen clear through to the floor below, and then I had to wipe off the coffee I'd sprayed all over the computer monitor: I never thought I'd hear the words "John B. Fountain", "Children", and "Confused" in the same sentence. A most interesting development indeed.
ReplyDeleteHere are some thoughts, in no particular order, and much of which you may have already considered:
All new parents-to-be claim that they will not let having children change them, and all their friends with kids will claim it will "totally change your life", in exactly those words. I think they're both wrong, though I'd be willing to go out on a limb and guarantee that once a baby arrives at home the dogs will be feeling the neglect, at least for a while, as our cats Sam & Ella will attest (yes, those are their real names).
Kids, especially very young ones, will slow down the careers of at least one of the parents -- they truly are a profession in themselves, a meeting you cannot get out of. Do not underestimate the toll to be brought on by lack of sleep! There is no "feed the baby, and bang out another ad proposal while he sleeps." Forget about it. As for me, I remember thinking with my first one that this was a double-full-time job that I was certain was worthwhile and contributing true worth to the world; I didn't seem to miss designing web sites. Depends on your career, I guess.
Then there's the love thing. People will get pretty darn sappy about that, but you get to be madly, sappily in love with someone other than your spouse and it's not cheating. Plus, they change so much that it becomes a new person pretty frequently.
Your marriage will be tested. I'm guessing the two of you aren't shy about communicating your thoughts and ires, but add the sleeplessness and the anxiety and the authoritative, conflicting declarations of how to keep them alive and raise them right, and you get the idea. How many divorces happen when the child is precisely age 2?
You are under no obligation to breed. I love the thought that my genetic material is being passed on, and better yet, combined with Ed's, but the Earth appears to have a pretty good and varied supply.
Keeping them alive: Yes, this is a source of anxiety. The previous is a vast understatement. Lack of sleep in the first year is not just from the baby not sleeping. When mine WERE sleeping, I would awake bolt upright with my heart pounding, to check if they were breathing. I brought my newborn back to the hospital in a panic after it failed to produce poo in the x number of days whatever book I was reading said they had to. That kid's 9 now. After all, the earth wouldn't have gotten its ridiculously enormous genetic pool if it wasn't at least kind of natural for babies to live.
Kids will totally piss you off. After the first year you start to transition from someone raising a kid to a Parent. The kids transition into people with wills, and your perfectly reasonable rules and pronouncements are NOT. They may or may not be into the same stuff you are. They might not even like Star Wars.
You will hardly ever go out at night.
Kids are frigging entertaining.
You will be less fun. My daughter claims that I am not funny, I am always serious, nagging about being late, being messy, being unsafe. (Me! I think indignantly.)
Your kids will be your conscience. They're like little Jiminy Crickets that you can't squash. You are forced to become the kind of person you want them to become, which can be a difficult process.
Your home will have these cool people (or person, depending,) living in it, and it will be the home of everyone, the home they grew up in.
Or, they could turn out rotten and you'll become painfully estranged. Who knows?
--Anne Awh