I met Jen my freshman year of college. She overheard me talking about the Barenaked Ladies - and that was it... we were fast friends. I'm thrilled to have her as a guest blogger today. Pictured is her chihuahua, who I've also had the pleasure of knowing since college - and her adorable little girl who sadly, I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting in person. Enjoy:
How has becoming a parent changed me?
Ha. Even in that question, I see humor. There's no way to delineate all of the ways it has. Basically - it's changed everything.
You see your friends become parents who do something to/for/with their kids that you wholeheartedly don't approve of and think - “Oh, I’ll never do that,” or you think the opposite - “Wow... they do that so well... Need to remember that one.” Well, now that I'm a parent, I can say that it has literally and figuratively brought me to my knees. I am truly humbled by the enormousness of it all while I am cleaning up my baby girl's poop from our semi-new carpet.
It's such a cliche, but when your friends say, “You never know what its like to be a parent until you become one,” you should take them very, very seriously.
Now that I'm a parent, I feel far less judgmental towards other parents, and fully understand how we’re really all just doing the best we can. Now that I'm a parent, I know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Now that I'm a parent, I've discovered that carving out time for myself just to think without someone asking me to play or participate is a huge challenge. Now that I'm a parent, I have experienced many nights of no sleep crying and praying... on my knees for my baby to get better and for a few hours of decent rest. Now that I'm a parent, I've loved how I've grown in my relationship with my partner Phil. Now that I'm a parent, I know how fallible I am.
This post could easily be a thousand pages long, if I continue to discuss how parenting has changed me - and Phil too. Ultimately, it has changed both of us tremendously. It has shaken us and thrilled us. We have gone from that terrifying feeling of having absolutely no idea of how to soothe a newborn, to the excitement of starting the whole process over again.
And the emotions... the range of emotions... is amazing.
I love to watch my husband marvel at our daughter.
I regret how I have occasionally lost my temper and cursed in front of my daughter. (Of course, I apologized).
I have tried to put myself in her shoes and ask myself what emotions like these could be like to a 2 year-old brain! I'm a therapist - and know that emotions are scary for anyone - but to a two year-old?!? As another mother told me you have to step back and recognize that it's important for a child to learn that there is a range of emotions and that the tough ones can be resolved.
My friend Leigh asks whether or not she should kid. Well, I certainly can't answer that for her. I will say, it's quite a balancing act... balancing time to connect with your partner, your child, your self. It isn't easy. Whoever said it is is lying. I think more people are acknowledging that now. I've read discussions about how hard parenting is these days... especially for women trying to "have it all," and recalling how the picture of parenting was always painted as blissful.
Parenting is not all bliss - but neither is life. Fortunately, dads today are far more involved in parenting than most of our fathers ever dreamed of being - and that does in fact make things easier.
So as for Leigh kidding - only she can make that decision. As for me, I've enjoyed the process of learning how to be a parent who doesn't beat themselves up, and respecting myself for doing the best that I can.
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