I have a friend... we'll call her Gertrude. (She knows who she is). She's awesome. I've known her for a long time - and I truly enjoy spending time with her. (I also enjoy spending time with her husband and their son, who is extremely cute).
That said, a while back, they threw a 6-month old birthday party for their adorable son. We didn't think this was so adorable.
We also felt obligated to go. They're good friends of ours - and, (at the time), we lived close by... and well... we just felt obligated. I've since discovered that we were really only invited so we wouldn't be offended if we weren't. Ah... the silly social mores of parents and non-parents and the inevitable misperceptions... even among good friends. Anyway, to us, the 6-month birthday party seemed like the silliest most asinine thing we'd ever heard of a parent doing, (at least that was meant to be a positive thing and not some stupid new-parent screw-up anyway). Chances are we felt that way because we weren't, (and still aren't), parents. Puppy parents, yes. Child parents, no. I'm sure were we to become parents of an actual human child, we might do some really silly, sappy, kind-of insane stuff too, but I can assure you, that having had that experience, we will NOT and I repeat, NOT be throwing a 6-month birthday for any child of ours for any reason whatsoever. Look, I will openly admit that we have special voices we've created for our puppies - and we create entire conversations for them. We've turned them into human beings in some respects... yet still, we would never throw a 6-month birthday party... ever. At 6-months, the kid doesn't really know what's up anyway. He has no idea we were even there. Personally, I don't remember much of anything prior to the age of 3 at this point...
I'm curious about everyone else out there, particularly other parents. Is this something you would do (or HAVE done), for your children?
Come clean. You know you want to...
On another note - I am fairly convinced that the vast majority of non-parents can't stand going to the birthday parties of their friends' children.
We've been to enough now to know this is true for us - and we're fessing up.
As for Gertrude - if you're reading this, (and you said you would be), thanks for letting me indulge.
Photo Credit Due Here: http://thechicagoriveras.blogspot.com/2009/06/fathers-day6-month-appointment.html - Evidently, another family pulled this same nonsense. I'm sure it's rampant.
Our response is....
ReplyDelete1. indulge, yes, asinine a little strong you think?? Considering all the stuff you do for your dogs which seems extreme to us
2. we just did it once
3. if you decide to have a kid you'll see how accomplished you feel when you manage to keep them alive and well for 6 whole months (feels like an eternity with all that can go wrong)
4. the party was immediate family and very close friends (you being on that list)
5. we love having parties
6. it wasn't like we expected you to play kiddies games, it was just a bunch of adults hanging out and eating good food
7. our kid is awesome and worthy of celebrating!!!
we would NEVER do this!
ReplyDeleteIn Korea there used to be a tradition of celebrating the 100th day, since with the state of medical knowledge, nutrition, and such, that was actually a major milestone. Fortunately, today we have the luxury of thinking it's silly!
ReplyDeleteWe're still not getting why you all think it's such a big deal. People throw parties for lots of reasons, some you may get, some not. What's important to us may not be to you but is that a reason to judge?
ReplyDeleteJust putting this out there... people have opinions. That isn't ever going to change! What's right for one isn't necessarily right for another, period, but this PC-nonsense of never voicing your opinion because it isn't right to judge is precisely why we're at the conundrum we are politically - which is why there is finally some backlash - and frankly, I'm happy about it! Did I just compare throwing a party for a 6-month old to politics? Yeesh. Probably shouldn't have gone there... I think Anonymous' argument, (which is completely valid in many respects), just opens up a whole other can of worms... Should we have opinions? Yes. Should we be afraid to voice them? No. Are we? I think more often than not... Yes. Take a look at today's post. Godforbid you say that maybe having children hasn't turned your life into the happiest, brightest thing ever... like the authors say... blasphemy!
ReplyDeleteYes Leigh I know well that people have opinions (I am your friend and love you dearly). Guess I'm just not meant to be part of the blogging world. The word asinine definitely annoyed me but I did agree to this blog so you're entitled to voice your opinion however you choose. I'll save mine for one-on-one conversations which is my preferred medium.
ReplyDeleteJust found this thread as I've got a 5 3/4 month old and was thinking about getting an itty-bitty half-birthday cake next week and wondered if I was crazy for wanting to do it. I think we will--but it will be just something small for my husband and me, to celebrate the fact that we've gotten through all the crazy newborn stuff and can relax for a month or two before crawling/walking begins!
ReplyDeletePlease don't compare being a "puppy parent" to being a real parent. It's insulting.
ReplyDelete"Puppy parents, yes. Child parents, no."
ReplyDeleteYou're too effing stupid to be reading my blog. Go away.
I say if you want to celebrate the life of your child GO FOR IT! Just don't invite this rude friend next time! Geez give the lady a break! She just wants to have a party for her kid! Who cares! People have parties for all sorts of things I really don't get why its such a big deal???
ReplyDeleteMy kid almost died during birth. Yeah, I'm throwing a six-month birthday. And it will be fantastic.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I'm not saying don't have a 6-month old birthday party, I'm just saying, don't invite me - or invite me, and expect me not to come. I've been to 1, and don't need to go to any others.
ReplyDeleteIf we kid, I won't invite you to mine either, 'cause we won't be having one!
if you didn't want to go then you shouldn't have gone. it was for her baby not you so it probably wouldn't have been a big deal if you weren't there. there's no reason to put her on blast for the whole world to read about how silly you thought it was.
ReplyDeleteClearly this post infuriates a lot of people. Look, at the end of the day, I'm entitled to my opinion and you're entitled to yours. If you want to have a party for your 6 month-old - go for it. I just won't come - and you probably won't care. I'm not stupid enough to believe that my presence at any fete makes or breaks it.
ReplyDeleteThe reason I posted this is because this blog is ALL ABOUT children... whether or not my husband and I should have them... what we would and wouldn't do if we were parents, etc. - so yes, there IS a damn good reason for me to blog about things like this. If I didn't have an opinion about anything, this blog would be dreadfully dull.
If you don't like it, don't read it.
It's really simple.
You invite people to give their opinions and then become agitated when they view your opinion as being wrong. If you aren't interested in their opinion good or bad, then why allow them to post? In respect to your friend, I do feel that your choice in wording was in bad taste. I was a "dog" mom for 5 years prior to becoming a "human" mom. My views have dramatically changed since then. I was told that I would never have a child at 20, then tah-dah at 29 I found out I was expecting. Being a parent is definitely a life, opinion, attitude and perspective changing experience. I hope that your friendship wasn't damaged to severely over this, but I sincerely doubt that the ramifications of your hurtful words will ever justify your decision to publicly ridicule your friends decision to celebrate the 1/2 birthday of their child. Just my Opinion.
ReplyDeleteI never said I didn't want other people to voice their opinions here. I welcome and encourage it.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't mean that my mind will be changed over this.
Additionally, if I had to censor myself so as not to hurt anyone's feelings EVER, then I'd probably have to refrain from writing, ever again.
And that I won't do.
I am fine with you thinking my wording was in bad taste. That's a matter of opinion. I was simply being honest. I am well-aware that not everyone is always going to like it.
Fortunately, I am still friends with the woman who inspired this post. Her response gave me pause, and admittedly, there have been instances in my own life which have led me to believe that in certain circumstances, a 6 month old birthday party isn't the worst idea in the world, but for the most part, I still think it's a bit much.
In any case, like I said, I welcome all opinions, including yours.
I don't have to agree with them all however... and a few of the opinions that have been expressed here, including yours, I don't agree with quite frankly. I'm also not fond of the anonymous comment regarding referring to myself as a puppy parent as somehow insulting to "real parents."
And I'm sure there are a hell of a lot of people out there who would gladly write posts about how lame it is for people with pups to call themselves parents at all. And you know what? I'm fine with that too! I'm a proud puppy parent.
And I'm sure there are plenty of proud people parents throwing 6 month-old birthday parties.
And that's fine too, but I still don't like it.
I would like to say that I was searching for ideas on a 6 month birthday party and was amazed when I found your blog. My daughter happens to have SMA type 1 and is not expected to make it past her 2nd birthday. Obviously, we are throwing her a 6 month party. People are entitled to opinions, but maybe some of you need to think about the situation others may be in.
ReplyDeleteI am very surprised to read this last comment. Didn't you read the other comments? I think I made it abundantly clear that I believe that there are indeed exceptions to the rule. SMA is obviously one of them. In fact, I wrote this post long before I even knew what SMA was. That said, the friends I am referring to in this post have a perfectly healthy baby boy. He does not suffer from SMA.
ReplyDeleteWhen I discovered that a friend of mine has a child with SMA, this was one of a few issues that changed my mind on the topic of the 6-month old birthday party. I believed I relayed that here. Maybe I wasn't clear enough... I really don't know.
But let me be abundantly clear now:
For those of you with children who have serious or terminal illnesses - I encourage you to celebrate every single day of your children's lives. I encourage you to treat every single day as if it's a birthday party. I would do the very same thing myself.
And yes, you can argue that even for parents whose children are perfectly healthy, it's not a bad idea to treat every day as a celebration. Nevertheless, I wouldn't invite all of your friends to participate... because I guarantee you that, (especially for those who don't have kids), it's gonna get really boring.
Now can everyone just leave me alone about having an opinion people? There are exceptions to the rule in virtually every situation.
Oh - and maybe it wouldn't hurt to acknowledge that this entire blog is devoted to raising awareness, (and eventually hopefully funding), for SMA.
I have a baby turning 6 months old tomorrow and its a family tradition to have a "half birthday" and its not about if they understand or not. Its about being with family and enjoying the time you spend with them. My son and I both could have died during birth and he had to be emergency c-sectioned and if it wasn't for that, we both would not be here. Many people have reasons for a 6-month birthday. I enjoy every moment I get to spend with my child. At his half-birthday he gets things he needs. Such as clothing. When you become a parent, your views change drastically. We weren't trying for a baby and now, I have my precious son. My opinion in this matter is, I am only having his father, me, and my parents (who are throwing his half-birthday) at this celebration. And I also say, who is perfect cast the first stone. Leigh Hope Fountain, once you become a parent, you will understand the crazy things that parents do for their children, healthy or with a terminal illness. I never thought or dreamed I'd do or say the things I say now but a child changes you. And if it doesn't, then your heart is made of stone.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, since this post seems to ruffle so many feathers...
ReplyDeleteI never claimed to be perfect. I claimed an opinion. You know what's great about opinions??? They're what make you YOU. They're what set you apart from the crowd. If you don't like mine, as I've said before, don't read this blog.
I AM DONE APOLOGIZING FOR MY OPINION ON THIS. DONE.
Hehe... I want to know what happens when/if you really have a kid. I'm the queen of having an opinion about something I have not yet had direct experience with but maybe tangential experience. And then it happens to me and I'm like "oh." Like my birth plan... I said on there something along the lines of "Please don't yell at me to push, I would like peace and serenity." Then I added a smart@ss line about "but I'll probably be the loudest one on the floor." Well...thank God they yelled at me. I was all natural and I was scared of the pain which was thankfully very brief. And the cord was around her neck so I'm glad people were yelling at me.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there was the sleeping in our room. At first I said, we will only keep her in there for 2 weeks. Then about 6 months into the pregnancy I got a 'sidecar' cosleeper.
I'm not saying this applies to you because of course we are all different but I guess we can theorize what it is like to walk in other people's shoes but can never really tell how they fit until we put them on.
I would say if you go so far as you do with your pets, you will be a super mushball with a kid. But who knows. ;)
P.S. I used to take pictures of my cats when they did cute stuff but of my baby... 200 in the last week. (i know)