Post Birth Necessities I Wish I'd Never Heard Of.

Lately I've been giving a lot more thought to the prospect of being pregnant. (I'm sure those of you reading this may have already come to that conclusion). Having been blogging about the whole to kid or not to kid debate for a while now - regardless of what our ultimate decision is - there are things that I've managed to finally get over.

I'm over the fear of getting fat. I'm over the boy vs. girl thing. I'm even starting to believe that if you really want something, you can make it work. I'm also fairly convinced that I'd make a great mom. (I already know John would make a great dad). That all said, a handful of things still scare the living hell out of me. (In no particular order):

1. Hormones. PMS is one thing. Pregnancy? Another thing entirely. If I ever do get knocked up, I fear for John's sanity... and my own.

2. Death. People still die giving birth right? I know it's highly unlikely - but still. Scary, scary stuff. What's that whole preeclampsia business? I see pregnant women all over the place who look happy and carefree - not a worry in the world. What is up with that?!?

3. Stillbirth. I can't imagine anything worse. Miscarriage is one thing... this is another entirely. Again, I know it's highly unlikely - but that doesn't help allay my fears... whatsoever.

4. Everything about the birthing process. I will undoubtedly want a c-section - and no... not because of scheduling issues or because I'm a wuss, but because I have a legitimate enough reason to believe that actually going through a natural birth might be harder on me than most women. Do not ask questions please. Or if you must, don't expect an answer.

And on the topic of the birthing process - my dear friend Jen W. (one of my faves), recently sent me this awesome book, "Happy Chaos" by Soleil Moon Frye. Many of you may remember Soleil from the TV series Punky Brewster. I know I do. I obsessed over that show. I idolized Punky and desperately wanted to be adopted by a grumpy old man and a dog. And I wanted a treehouse... among other things, but I digress.

Soleil wrote a part-memoir, part-tell-all-manual for those of us non-parents looking to familiarize ourselves with what parenting might look like - as well as for those of us who are already parents. What's great about it is that it is not preachy... AT ALL! It's just informative and fun!

Anyway, I'm only about 60 pages in... but one particular passage continues to haunt me - and that would be Soleil's description of the post-birth phenomena that consists of the gigantic fishnet granny panties, the enormous latex glove filled with ice and the vaginal numbing spray.

Evidently, if you do have a natural birth - this is what the all-too-cavalier nurse will greet you with after the fact. And evidently, you will want, and truly enjoy these items.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Like I said, if I do go this route, I think I'm insisting on a C-section.

Go ahead and judge. Nothing you say will convince me to do otherwise.

Anyway, thanks Soleil for bringing this horror fest to my attention. Forewarned is forearmed!

And thanks to my other friend Jenny Feldon - mommy blogger extraordinaire, who also brought this book to my attention - and who happens to pen her own blog - www.karmacontinued.com - and contributes to Soleil's cool website - www.moonfrye.com too.

Enjoy all of their motherly musings.