Oh Boy...

Just when I thought I was getting slightly closer to a decision about kids... namely one that would potentially involve adopting a few little girls in 3 - 5 years from now, my childhood girlfriend Jodi Cohen-Roth sent me an article from New York Magazine this month, that again raises all of the serious questions I have regarding whether or not to have children.

That said, the article again talks about whether or not the "joy" of parenthood is worth the lack of joy it seems to have a tendency to cloak all other activities with.

Study after study after study seems to indicate that parents are simply less happy than non-parents.

But before I even get into that, let's analyze a few things:

1. Circumstances precluded John and from diving into having children - namely finances.
2. It seems that people like John and myself are spending far too much time over-analyzing everything when it comes to having kids.

That said, I give us serious credit for refraining from jumping in to having kids. I think it goes without saying, (if you've been reading this blog), that having children would've literally doomed us had we already done it.

We live in Los Angeles, a very expensive city, where even rent is considered to be fairly astronomical. As many of you already know, John and I had purchased a house - a great single-family home that would've been perfect for 1 -2 kids.

Nevertheless, the entire time we were in that 3 bedroom house, kids were the last thing on our mind. In fact, within a year of purchasing the home, we were worrying about how we were going to pay the mortgage, let alone the rest of our bills. We had gone from earning considerable incomes to both being out of work - and accruing debt.

Fortunately, we were able to sell the house and simply walk away. As much as it pains anyone to walk away from an investment, John and I were thrilled.

We put a decent amount of money into that home - landscaping, painting, hardware... to try to make the home look fantastic... and it was FUN, but at the end of the day, our neighbors were all douchebags who simply didn't give a damn about well, anything - and who let their property decline in every manner possible.

We now live in a one bedroom apartment. It sounds bleak, but I have to say, I LOVE it. I never dreamt I would say that. I ALWAYS wanted to be a homeowner, but when I became one, it became more of a nightmare than a dream. The cost alone was prohibitive, particularly as we were in the San Fernando Valley, in a home with no insulation - so on top of our ridiculous $4,300 mortgage, our utilities bill in the summer exceeded $1,000.

Anyway. here's the breakdown of Pros and Cons to living in an apartment again. (Fortunately, the pros outweigh the cons).

Pros:

It's on the westside. We LOVE the weather and NEVER want to live in the Valley again for as long as we live.

It's an awesome, brand-new, resort-style building with stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, a state-of-the-art gym, saunas, locker room, heated pool, jacuzzi, top of the line grills, party areas, and restaurants, groceries, bars, cleaners, a gorgeous park and numerous other fantastic things within WALKING distance. Almost unheard of in L.A.

Our puppies love it. They play more here thanks to berber carpeting, than they did in our former home.

The rent is enabling us to completely pay off our debt. I believe within 1 year, we'll be debt-free, have a savings, and a small enough monthly stipend to generate a SAVINGS!!!

Cons:

We don't own, so me spending inordinant amounts of time painting, etc. is futile. I guess I have to live with white walls.

We have a bit less space than we had previously - although our living room where we spend the vast majority of our time, is far bigger. I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything, so I guess this is a Pro.

We have an upstairs neighbor who stomps around a bit. I think she's an over-privileged, wealthy college student whose parents are footing the bill here, which is, needless to say, annoying.

Anyway, there are far more pros than cons, and John and I are genuinely happier here than we were in the house.

In fact, we might even be able to afford vacations now. That wasn't even an option in the house.

But back to children - (note that the following is extracted from the aforementioned New York Magazine article):

Most people assume that having children will make them happier, yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers - and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines. Perhaps the most oft-cited datum comes from a 2004 study by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize–winning behavioral economist, who surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. (Among the endeavors they preferred: preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, housework.) This result also shows up regularly in relationship research, with children invariably reducing marital satisfaction. The economist Andrew Oswald, who’s compared tens of thousands of Britons with children to those without, is at least inclined to view his data in a more positive light: “The broad message is not that children make you less happy; it’s just that children don’t make you more happy.” That is, he tells me, unless you have more than one. “Then the studies show a more negative impact.” As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns. But some of the studies are grimmer than others. Robin Simon, a sociologist at Wake Forest University, says parents are more depressed than nonparents no matter what their circumstances—whether they’re single or married, whether they have one child or four.

Definitely food for thought.

Part of me can't help but wonder if John and I have literally spent far too much time thinking about this already, (which the article also cites), and are thus, in some way, shape, or form, already doomed. Perhaps the more we think about this, and over-analyze this, the less inclined we'll be to have children and perhaps, eventually, live in a cloud of regret.

Certainly, I'd LOVE to hear from ANYONE who has opted NOT to have children and is happy with the decision.

Sorry this post is all over the map. You can read the full NY Mag article here:

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/