A friend of mine, Glenn Rosenthal, sent me the attached article, which I thought was pretty intriguing given that I'd been wondering the same thing the article covers myself... Why don't my friends with kids seem to have almost any time? And then I read this - and discovered that perhaps my view of just how much time my friends with kids have, (particularly those who are stay-at-home moms), might be a bit stilted. Nevertheless, I still find myself wondering why I rarely, (if ever), hear from the vast majority of my friends with kids anymore.
I understand that having a child means undivided attention, errands and simple tasks taking far more time than they used to, getting up in the middle of the night...repeatedly, and basically dealing with a never-ending barrage of motherly (or fatherly) duties, but when I've gone months and months on end without hearing from someone, (who I've emailed, called, Facebooked, etc.), I can't help but wonder... are they really that slammed, and if so, why? I have a tough time believing that chores and kid duties would literally take up every second of my day if I weren't working, but clearly, I'm missing something, which is yet another reason I have to think that if John and I do have kids, one of us won't be working... 'cause I don't think I'm down with the nanny thing... but that's just me.
I also can't help but relate to the author of the letter the editor addresses in this piece. I just started a new full time job and can hardly keep up with errands, household chores and our puppies, let alone this blog, so for all of you working moms out there, I give you SERIOUS credit. Crazy amounts of serious, sincere credit.
Leigh,
ReplyDeleteIt's not just the endless work, or even the lack of sleep. It's the mental fatigue and lack of your own identity. If you and your spouse are the sole care-givers of little children (that is, without a nanny or grandparent to watch the kids for some time on a regular basis), that starts to become your only identity. Sharon and I are now "Mommy and Daddy" when we aren't at work.
When you do get some time without the kids, be it for playdates, school, or other relatives, you usually just want to do a couple of things:
1) Rest
2) Reconnect with your spouse
3) Be a selfish bastard who wants to do something for yourself and possibly by yourself for awhile.
The third one is very rare. A real treat for me is either taking a walk in a park or seeing a cartoon in the movie theater. Alone. It's also pretty important. I don't want to yell at my kids or wife, and when your kids are testing you, you just have to hold it in for awhile. At times like that, it's good to be alone.
Now, having said all this, I can tell you that after I chill out, have had some alone time, and reconnected with Sharon, the one thing I could really use is reconnecting with friends. But finding that time can be difficult.
One last thing though. I still absolutely love being a dad. Last night, after a particularly stressful day, Rachel, my three-year old told me I was the best daddy in the whole world. And she was being sincere. Nothing can top that.
Aww... that's just flat-out adorable Glenn! Thanks again for this.
ReplyDelete