To Kid or Not to Kid...

Get off your high-horses already!

2012-02-08T11:22:00.000-08:00

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/02/06/who-says-american-parents-are-inferior/#more-32151

Look, I am well-aware that I am one feisty opinionated gal. I am sure that if I ever do become a parent, I will have very strong opinions about how I want to parent. That being said, I think one of the things that will drive me absolutely bonkers is being told by another mother that what I'm doing is 100% wrong - and what she's doing is 100% right.

Are there really absolutes when it comes to parenting? Aren't all children different? Parents too? There can't possibly be one perfect way to parent. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I think a pragmatic approach... what works for YOU, is probably best.

Why am I ranting about this? Well, if you aren't already aware, yet another mother, Pamela Druckerman, has written about a book about how to parent - in this case, a book extolling the perfect parenting practices of the French, (in contrast to the pathetic parenting practices of Americans).

I am not even a mother and I still feel as if nary a day passes where I don't hear about some mother telling another mother how differently she should be doing things, or insulting another mother for doing something different from the norm - and so-on-and-so-forth... ad nauseum. It's insane.

Why are so many mothers so unbelievably judgy? I was just on the phone with my girlfriend Jen, who was at a party not too long ago when she was expecting her second baby girl. A woman at that soiree waltzed up to Jen and asked her what her birth plans were. Jen informed her that she was having a hospital birth. The woman's response? To literally turn her back on Jen and walk away.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?! What kind of a person does that? And since when as a hospital birth become something to criticize?!?

Anyway, this holier-than-thou business is obnoxious to the nth degree.

What I do know, is that if we 'kid' I sure as hell don't want anyone telling me how I should be doing things - or how badly I'm screwing my children up in some way, shape or form. And because of that, I am going to do my best to refrain from judging any other mothers in a harsh manner, unless they are literally doing something that is potentially very harmful to their child, (e.g. abuse).

Meltdown

2012-01-20T10:18:00.000-08:00

Last night, I had a complete meltdown - and no... it was not PMS.

It was just a full-blown meltdown, replete with plenty of sobbing, tears and self-pity. It was obnoxious, and my poor husband John had to just sit there, hold my hand, pet my head and try to calm me down.

It was strange. I don't normally behave like this unless I'm PMSing. This was kind-of newish, and like I said really, really strange. I was truly ensconced in a deep, dark, dreadful funk.

I felt like all of these thoughts that have been running through my head for months finally all converged together and ran me over... twice. Perhaps not surprisingly, this blog is in large part responsible. This blog forces me to reflect and to think... a lot. Perhaps more than I should be.

The meltdown revolved predominantly around regrets - lots of them - and questioning things like the universe, and God, and feeling fairly dismal about our circumstances, (even though they're significantly better than they were just a few short years ago). It was a bleak moment for me. As much as I felt sorry for myself, and for John, I felt guilty for feeling sorry at all, because in so many ways, we are very blessed. We have each other, the world's most adorable puppies, our families, our friends, a roof over our heads, good food, Words with Friends, and Netflix. There's a lot to be thankful for. And I know this. I am very, very aware of it - but I was having a moment. I was bitter and jealous and regretful and resentful... and wondering why the world just won't cut us a break.

But the world doesn't simply cut people breaks. The world just is. In the midst of our discussion, John was about to tell me that we make our own happiness... and I cut him off, saying that I don't really believe that anymore.

But I do.

And so if the world can't or won't cut us a break, I'm gonna set my sights on finding us some more of this happy business and accept that the search may not be as easy as I might like.

Pictured: Fountain's Fountain, from our wedding.

I finished something!

2012-01-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

For those who aren't aware, I have a tendency to dive into things head-first, and then give up mid-way into whatever that thing is. It's probably why I changed my major in college repeatedly and never really chose or committed to a full-blown career. I just kind-of wound up wherever the wind took me.

I was very concerned that this would be the case with the whole marathoning thing. I thought I'd hit the 6 - 8 mile mark in training and say, "To hell with this. It's too hard. Screw it."

I've done this with so many things in my life. Let's start with speech and debate. I won a first place trophy in my first debate competition. Right out of the gate. I was elated, because I won. But then I did another - a speech competition at Stanford, and I forgot my speech halfway through and had to refer to my little index cards. The judge informed me that had I not forgotten my speech, I would've gotten first place. Well, I never debated again. HOW LAME IS THAT? And sorry mom and dad, but why didn't you notice that I simply quit things when I wasn't phenomenal at them right out of the gate? Where was the encouragement to continue?

Anyway, my husband will tell you that I am a sore loser. It's something I've been working on. I don't like failing... at anything - and I sure as hell don't like losing. This is one of many reasons why I simply don't see things through.

Well, much to my own surprise, I didn't quit training - and on Sunday, I finished my first 1/2 marathon. (13.1 miles). Needless to say, I'm feeling quite proud of myself - and this is a very good thing. For the first time in a long time, I set a goal, and saw it through - and it feels pretty effing amazing. So, I'm setting more goals. (both running and non-running goals), that I plan on seeing through no matter what.

To keep me on top of the marathoning thing however, I've added a little training widget to this blog, where I'll be logging the miles I run per week. So, in addition to the new goals, I have to keep up with the marathoning business too. I'm gonna be a busy gal.

What's this got to do with having children you ask? Well, a lot. I want to instill a sense of accomplishment in any child we may have (a sense of accomplishment earned through hard work and determination) - and one leads by example, right?

Oy Vey

2012-01-11T16:51:00.000-08:00

So my boss was in my office the yesterday, and we were talking about my adorable pups, and I said something along the lines of being tired because they had been restless all night. My colleague and office mate decides to chime in with:

"Just wait until you have kids." Under NORMAL circumstances, this would've been shrugged off - but not with my boss. My boss's response was, "She's not having kids!"

Of course, I would've liked to have just let that go and change the entire course of the conversation, but my colleague doesn't always know when to keep her mouth shut, and said, "She might be."

This of course opened a HUGE can of worms. My boss seems to be of the impression that I told her at some point that I'm definitely not having children. Well, that never happened. What I did say, (when she inappropriately asked me about it at one point or another), was explain that we, (John and I), were on the fence about it - but that if we opted to have children, it wouldn't be for a while.

I've discovered that's always the best way to go when employers ask you questions they shouldn't be. Be relatively vague, and allay any fears they might have about you starting a new gig and leaving shortly thereafter for maternity leave.

Speaking of maternity leave, I don't even think my company offers it.

Anyway, a few minutes ago, she waltzed into my office, sat down in front of my desk, asked me about projects I'm working on, and then launched into a conversation about why I shouldn't have children.

Awesome. Guess how many times per week this subject will undoubtedly come up now?

Just take a guess.

In sickness and in health...

2012-01-04T16:08:00.000-08:00

About 2 or 3 weeks ago, John got sick. Some kind of bizarro cold thing that took hold and didn't let go... for like a week. It sucked on so many levels. For starters, John hates being sick. Now I know nobody necessarily likes it, but John really truly can't effing stand it - and he's not very good at the whole sick thing either. He's generally too mopey and/or exhausted to really enjoy the opportunity to just sit back and do virtually nothing. He also apologizes profusely because I have to pick up his slack in the cooking/chores/pups departments. Despite me telling him not to apologize, and that it's my pleasure, and that I know he'd do the same thing for me, the apologies keep coming.

Anyway, cut to about a week ago, and I am hit hard... crazy hard... with a really bad bout of the stomach flu. It was as if someone told every atom of food and fecal matter in my body to run... not walk to the nearest exits... those being my ass and my mouth. It was by far the most violent illness I've had in recent memory. For the first night, I didn't sleep. This was not by choice. I stayed up the entire night watching old episodes of Grey's Anatomy in-between what seemed like millions of trips to the bathroom. For John, this was payback time. He got to take care of me - and when my illness proved to be shorter-lived than his, he insisted on continuing to take care of me, despite the fact that I was perfectly capable. (Now perhaps you're the nauseous one).

Anyway, We often find ourselves feeling incredibly grateful that we're not sick simultaneously for obvious reasons.

What the hell does this have to do with having children you ask?

Well, I've noticed that families with young children seem to get sick as a family - as in all at the same time, and this prospect is truly terrifying.

What do you do as a family when not a single one of you is capable of doing anything at all? Starve? Drown in your own dirt? Cry?

Ick.

P.S. Aren't you glad I didn't find an image better suited to this post?

I ♥ Christmas.

2011-12-21T11:21:00.000-08:00

My old camp friend, and talented scribe Jenny Feldon, wrote this blog post a few days ago - http://moonfrye.com/profiles/blogs/moonfrye-family-happy-hanukah-and-happy-merry-christmas-too-by-je

It's a beautiful post - and I love how honest Jenny always is in her writing, which is why I too have to be entirely honest here as well. As I read it, I felt a series of emotions that I can't even really put to digital paper entirely. However, guilt is probably emotion #1.

Why?

Because unlike myself, Jenny - along with virtually every other Jew I know, has maintained her adherence, (from what I can tell), to Judaism... happily.

Me? Not so much.

I shouldn't feel guilty... after all, what's wrong with choosing your religion or spirituality for yourself? Absolutely nothing, right? But, I think guilt is part of my DNA. We Jews are born feeling guilty. We're supposed to uphold traditions - after all, we're a dying breed. If we're all as cavalier about it as I am, we'd be gone in no time. It's essentially our obligation to pass the torch along! Nevertheless, I just don't feel compelled to.

Thing is, I never really 'took' to it. I don't think it helps that I've NEVER enjoyed being told what to do... by anyone. For that reason alone, I pretty much ditched it.

Surprisingly, I was Bat-Mitzvaed! I read my torah portion... Mishpatim I believe it was called - and to this day, I still don't really recall what a word of it meant. I was 13... and like most 13 year-olds, I was unbelievably awkward. I was more concerned about carrying a tune in front of the boy I had a crush on at the time and whether or not I would need braces, than becoming an "adult." That idea in-and-of-itself to me seemed ludicrous, and still does to this day. I don't believe I became an 'adult' until I was about 25 or so. I didn't feel like my Bat-Mitzvah was some rite of passage. I felt like it was an exercise in utter and total humiliation.

Perhaps even more surprisingly, I went to a Jewish sleepaway camp... for years! I became a Counselor-in-Training, and then an assistant art director. It didn't end well. Long story, but let's just say that I left a place I called home for nearly 10 summers feeling very, very disillusioned and sad.

And perhaps that too is why the Judaism thing never stuck. To boot, I never made it an absolute necessity to marry another Jew. I dated plenty, but wound up falling head-over-heels in love with John Brian Fountain... a Christian from, (of all places), Kalamazoo, Michigan.

I found someone patient, understanding, and funny. Someone who could actually help me deal with my profound fear of death, teach me to laugh at myself, address my inability to wholeheartedly 'believe' in God, support my undying need to celebrate Christmas... I felt like I'd won the lottery - and to this day, I still do!

So we celebrate Christmas. I think I'm more zealous about it than John. The day after Thanksgiving, I can't wait to unpack the decorations, the stockings... decorate the tree, purchase holiday bouquets and wreaths and spread candles throughout the house, scented with cinnamon and pine. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! Love, love, love, love, love.

Look - please don't misinterpret this post as anti-Jew. I am completely and totally pro-Jew. I still dig that I am a Jew, (albeit non-practicing). The prescribed religion part just didn't quite work out for me is all. I simply never took to it, much to my parents' dismay.

Is that so terrible?

And when my parents ask me how we'll raise any kids we might have, I explain to them as clearly as possible, that we're simply not going to indoctrinate them into any one religion. We will teach them about both of our backgrounds, and allow them to choose for themselves, but in our household, we celebrate Christmas, because that's what we, as adults, have both chosen to do. And as confident as I am about that decision, I know that I know many, many Jews who probably think I'm evil because of all of this.

Fortunately, I'm learning to care less about what others think and embrace what I think with utter abandon.

The Incredibles on Being "Special"

2011-12-15T09:32:00.000-08:00

I drafted this post ages ago - and would've bet the farm that I had posted it. Clearly I was wrong. In any case, having re-read it just now, I realize that writing about being special made me launch into a relatively dismal self-assessment because I'm a neurotic nutjob, and because I'm fairly ordinary - but because I'm desperately trying to be more confident and stop caring so damn much about what everyone else thinks, I'm posting it.

John and I just re-watched The Incredibles - a movie we saw when we had literally just started dating. We loved it - adored it - couldn't wait to see it again - even dressed up as the parents on our first Halloween. And while we did watch it again when it appeared on DVD, I feel as if too much time has passed since we gave it another go, so I'm glad we recently did. It is by far, one of my favorite movies. Certainly, it doesn't hurt that it has sentimental value as well, but outside of that, the movie is just plain awesome because the messages are brilliant. Gotta love Brad Bird.

One of my favorite quotes is what Dash says to his mother when she says that "everyone is special." Dash quickly retorts, "Which is another way of saying no one is."

This is one of my biggest pet peeves about a lot of parents these days. Everyone thinks their kid is special - but if that were true, well, then Dash is quite right... no one is. What makes anything/anyone special is the fact that something about them is unique almost exclusively to them. Perhaps your kid is an exceptionally remarkable artist at a very young age, or your kid is really freakishly smart when it comes to math. If so, your kid is probably quite special.

I know this is a slightly controversial subject - and I have the feeling that my attitude about this probably makes me sound like a monumental bitch. I don't mean to offend. I get that all parents think their kids are "special" but let's get as objective as we can for just a second here - and really think about what Dash says. If everyone is special, then no one is. It's absolutely true. The reason this resonates with me is that I still get the impression that we, as a society, are still perpetuating this idea that everyone is special and I think that in turn, is perpetuating this creepy sense of entitlement and this idea that mediocrity should be rewarded.

Another favorite exchange in the movie is as follows:

Helen: I can't believe you don't want to go to your own son's graduation.
Bob: It's not a graduation. He is moving from the 4th grade to the 5th grade.
Helen: It's a ceremony!
Bob: It's psychotic! They keep creating new ways to celebrate mediocrity, but if someone is genuinely exceptional...

If every child is constantly told that they're special, exceptional and/or great then they're going to wind up thinking that they can do no wrong - and that whatever they hope to be will simply be - and unfortunately, that just isn't the case.

That isn't to say one can't become special - in fact, with hard work and a lot of determination, I think most people can, but this business of classifying everything and everyone as special is completely inane.

If we do decide to kid - The Incredibles will be required watching.

"You Just Make It All Work." REALLY???

2011-12-08T12:27:00.000-08:00

In the latest trailer for Moneyball - an adorable little girl, at her father's request, sings Lenka's "The Show," (a song I completely adore), in the middle of a store while playing guitar. She's got no inhibitions, boatloads of confidence, and she's just utterly, freakishly adorable. I want her.

That being said, I'm wondering how much longer I can keep up this blog. Maybe I'm just feeling a little less than inspired at the moment - but I'm also starting to feel as if I'm getting fairly redundant. In fact, I'm fairly certain that I am, and I think that we all kinda know I'm leaning more towards kidding than not - as is John. The unfortunate part is that neither John nor I feel comfortable diving in just yet.

We are constantly being told that we're being completely lame for holding off. That you're "never fully ready" and that "you just make everything work" and the best one... my absolute fave is - "you're not getting any younger."

I'm not surprised that "you're never fully ready." I've accepted that. Fine. Done. Moving right along.

I'm not getting any younger. This too is 100% absolutely correct - but there's not much to be done about it. I'll be 35 in February. Not old per se - but at that precarious point where if you plan on having your own children, (which we're definitely now considering because adoption is probably going to be too cost-prohibitive for us for far too long), people start passing all kinds of judgments - and they're oh-so-helpful.

As for "just making everything work" - well... this is where I call BULLSHIT!

If everyone could just "make everything work," then people wouldn't be homeless. People wouldn't be starving. I always love when these words come from the mouths of people who've never lost nearly everything they've worked for... Never been out of work for lengthy periods of time.... Never really wondered if they'd be able to pay their electricity bills... Never spent a Christmas in a cold, uninsulated house surrounded by boxes that were not courtesy of Santa Claus.

Look, I really want to believe that you can just make everything work - but our own history tells us that's simply not true. You can't just snap your fingers and transform your life from one thing into another if you don't have the means to do so or if circumstances simply aren't permitting. Money doesn't grow on trees - and kids cost a lot of money - and money is just something we don't have much of. We're still digging ourselves out of the financial disaster that we were completely blindsided by. This is our reality. Fortunately, the good news is that we've made a TON of progress. Our lives have improved dramatically... in ways we couldn't have even imagined - and we're happier now than we were in the house - which is a very welcome surprise. So while everything eventually seems to work out - you can't just make everything work precisely when you want to and how you want to.

Anyway, I've now got this massive case of baby-on-the-brain - and there's not a hell of a lot I can do about it. In the meantime, I get to hear everyone and their mother tell me that I'm running out of time - that if I'm going to do this, I better do it now - and that money, of all things, shouldn't hold me back.

I'm just not drinking that Kool-Aid.

That being said, I don't want this blog to turn into a depressing missive about how we're pretty sure that we want kids - but simply can't afford them. Who the hell wants to read about that?

So, I'm debating about carrying this whole To Kid or Not to Kid blog on much longer. And then I realize I've started a debate about the debate which is another debate in and of itself... or something.

I need a vacation, or a new blog topic, or a shrink...

...or all of the above.

Why I'm Running

2011-12-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

Ugh. I'm probably going to annoy the hell out of a lot of people because I haven't shut up about this all week, but I have to devote at least one blog post to this topic, given that it means a TON to me - and I wanted to explain why.

Those of you who are on my Facebook are already aware, but for those of you that are not - I am running my first 1/2 marathon this January. Why you ask? Well, for starters, I'm still struggling to lose the last 10 or so lbs. I have been for months now. Grr. I've also discovered that I actively enjoy running. Yes. I said that. I enjoy running. I have come to love something that I once truly despised. Funny how that can happen.

Anyway, those are the least important reasons I'm doing this. In May, I'll be running my second 1/2 marathon - and this one is crazy cool because I'm doing it for my friend Heather, and her adorable little 4 year-old girl who is battling Leukemia. Her daughter shouldn't have to go through the hell that is fighting something like cancer. No child should - so, we'll be running to raise critical funding for the Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation in May of 2012. I've already started hitting everyone up for donations, and if you'd like to donate, you can click here: https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=492975&supId=347488959

Now that I've discovered that I can run and simultaneously help out a great cause, I'll be repeating this again in November of next year in Santa Barbara, where I'll be running and fundraising for The Gwendolyn Strong Foundation to find a cure for Spinal Muscular Atrophy, (SMA). If you've been reading my blog, you already know this is another cause that I strongly support.

I can only sort-of begin to imagine what it must be like to be the parents of a sick child. It must take immense courage, strength, determination, patience and love. My friends Heather and Victoria are shining examples of this. They are among the strongest and most inspirational people I know - and I have them to thank for encouraging me to do this in the first place, because it feels really, really great to be doing something good for other people who need help. That part is even more addictive than the running.

If you know anyone who might be interested in donating or perhaps sponsoring me in May for the PCRF race, drop me a line!

Thanks for reading.

These are always so demented, but I couldn't resist

2011-11-23T10:06:00.000-08:00

Well, given the fact that John and I are sort of semi-entertaining the prospect of having our own child if we do actually kid - I couldn't resist trying one of these godawful programs that tell you what your kid is gonna look like, despite the fact that they always produce very creepy looking borderline CGI/alien-esque creations that frankly, I would want no part of.

Nevertheless - our child is evidently going to be born with freakishly well-defined dark eyebrows and strawberry blonde hair - and it'll be sporting nearly transparent/invisible glasses too.

Behold:

The Endless Debate... The Very Reason for This Blog's Existence

2011-11-15T14:57:00.000-08:00

So my badass friend Carrie from college sent me an article - and said that it was interesting - not so much for the article's content as for the comments. When Carrie speaks, I listen. She's one smart, sassy lady.

Lo-and-behold, she was right. Check out a small selection with my comments in italics below each:

#1 - A Dude - For all his infinite wisdom, cannot tell you whether or not you want kids. There are plenty of people who've had kids and regretted it; my aunt, for example. Her kids are grown-ups now and she *still* doesn't like them, and wishes she hadn't had them. And they're not criminals or anything. Just ordinary people.

It can happen.

No one else can make that decision for you. You're just going to have to figure it out yourself.

I have to figure it out for myself!?! WTF?!? Sincere thanks however for pointing out that there are in fact probably many people out there who regret having children. I sure as hell don't want to be one. Thus the obsessive over-thinking.

#2 - @special_boots well said that aunt! Nevernevernever ask a dude about having kids because they will be so positive about it all. Their wives, less so. Of all my girlfriends with kids, way more than 50% really strongly regret having them.

They also strongly love their kids, the two feelings are not exclusive.
I'd have said, don't try to conceive until you get 'baby rabies' when all you can think about is motherhood, but sadly even there one of my friends with a kid just said it wasn't what she wanted, after all.

Nevernevernever ask a dude anything. Sound advice! (I kid). In other news, I wouldn't say I have baby rabies, but I've got some kind of infestation and I'm not sure it's identifiable as of yet. Evidently the genius commenting above however thinks it's a terrible idea to confer with an entire gender - and thinks you shouldn't have kids unless you get "baby rabies" but even then, it might be a mistake. I'd take this woman's advice to the bank. Sure! Why not?

We are all searching for meaning in our lives, and children *may* provide that meaning, but equally may not, and in fairness to the child, you have to be really pretty sure this is what you want.

So lemme get this straight. The kid thing might work out, or it might not? Is that it genius? Ugh.

#3 - @Heike @special_boots @everyone else This is why I don't want to have kids. This is exactly why. I know I would end up resenting them for the rest of my life, if not outright hating them. I just don't know how to explain that to all the "But you have two X-chromosomes so you must love BAYBIEEEZ crowd." I think that looking back on your life at 80 and regretting never having a child is ten million times better than looking at your kids and regretting, so that's a chance I'm willing to take. If my biggest regret in life is that I didn't pass on my genes, I think I will have done pretty well for myself?

This comment gives me pause. I have no idea why she's in total agreement with some of the other inanity in the comments - but sge clearly KNOWS that she would either resent or hate children if she had any, so she's not doing it - and she's comfortable with the knowledge that at age 80, she might look back and have regrets. She's fine with that. Good for her. I'm not.

#4 - @special_boots Thank you so much for posting this. I hate it when people say "once you meet your child, you'll never regret it." Even if you love your child wildly, it's still possible to regret becoming a parent. A friend of my husband's family feels this way. She loves her (now adult) children, but she feels (with some reason) that she wasn't able to be the best parent and she never enjoyed being a parent.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am almost certain that if my mother had a do-over with hindsight, (or something where this would actually work), she wouldn't have had children. Loves my brother and I dearly, but wouldn't have done it. Scary.

So Carrie, while I sincerely, wholeheartedly appreciate your insights, your devotion to my blog, and your sheer brilliance, I'm kind of freaking the hell out right now because I think you managed to find people who've over-thought this business more than I have - and once again, I'm feeling like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

In the meantime, I don't blame you for being curious and wanting to read the whole article these comments were derived from, so here ya go:

http://thehairpin.com/2011/11/kids-worth-it-and-game-day-etiquette

P.S. When I googled "Between a rock and a hard place" under the image section, a multitude of very ripped and nearly naked men sitting on rocks appeared, along with a slew of other images. Just thought that was amusing.

I must be losing my mind... but at least it's for a great cause

2011-11-09T12:16:00.000-08:00

So I've been running... a lot. I used to hate running - mostly because I was convinced that it made me bigger and bulkier - and the whole idea is to get smaller, so it seemed counter-productive. There was also the boob issue. Where on earth would I ever find a sports bra that would actually keep these things in place so they wouldn't get all saggy and revolting?

Fortunately, I finally managed to find one that keeps my girls solidly in place and I managed to get over the whole paranoia about my calves getting even bigger than they already are thing.

Now I'm kind-of getting addicted to running. I am still completely befuddled by this myself - so imagine my surprise when my workout this morning consisted of a 6 mile run.

I was stunned. Still am.

But here's the kicker.

My friend Heather, (who has guested on this blog before and who has a great blog of her own - www.365awesomedays.blogspot.com
) has been running her little ass off herself - and she's doing this 1/2 marathon in May to benefit the Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation - and she invited me to join her... and I said YES.

So that's what I'll be doing on May 6, 2012 folks.

Guess I better not have too many margaritas on the 5th.

I've totally lost it.

Definitely a fun reason to kid!

2011-11-04T11:07:00.000-07:00

Awesome. I have nothing more to say.

Distracted - but in a good way... I think

2011-11-01T12:17:00.000-07:00

Last week, MTV debuted Good Vibes - a new cartoon that my talented husband storyboarded for. You may already be well-aware of this because I haven't shut up on Facebook about it. I am insanely proud of him - and I'm praying that the show becomes a bombastic hit, because it deserves to. If you haven't already watched it - please do!

Anyway, I've been distracted by that, work and life in general - so I simply haven't blogged.

I've also been suffering from a severe case of baby-on-the-brain, so when our dear friends Ira and Janice appeared with their 5 month-old adorable little munchkin Samantha at the Good Vibes premiere, I died. She is beyond precious and I was completely mesmerized. It exacerbated my condition a great deal.

I couldn't stop holding her tiny little hands and petting her puffy little cheeks.

*Sigh*

Ira said, "So the answer to your question is... to kid." As of today, I think I agree, but sshhh... don't tell my parents. I won't hear the end of it. Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

As for the picture, I tried to get Janice's permission to use one of her clone, but she's MIA, so I'm stealing my friends' adorable Star Wars Halloween photo instead. I don't think they'll mind. Look at how cute this one is as a Wookiee!

It was only a matter of time

2011-10-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

Slutty skanky Barbie was destined to arrive sooner or later.

I mean taking into account the success of the beyond appalling Bratz doll phenomenon, Mattel, (who sued the Bratz creator AKA devil incarnate and lost), had to compete somehow. Frankly, I don't blame them in that respect, but I don't like this. Not one bit.

The last thing we need is yet another doll encouraging little girls to dress like trampy whores. And Mattel went way too far - she's covered in tattoos!

Look, I like tattoos... I do... In fact, I have one... but they're wildly inappropriate for young girls. Also, truth-be-told, I now regret getting mine. Fortunately, it's nothing unattractive or bizarre - just my middle name in Japanese at the base of my back. Yes... it's a tramp stamp. That's what they've come to be called much to my dismay. Anyway, I was 18 when I got it. Clearly I was just waiting for the second I could legally have someone color my skin with permanent ink. I remember when my mom first saw it. I was in a bikini a few years later and had completely forgotten about the thing. I heard my mom's voice behind me saying, "What on earth is that?" to which I sheepishly replied, "Oh... that. That would be a tattoo mom," to which she replied, "Well at least it's tasteful."

At 34, I still like tattoos, I just don't really like them on me. And see that's what's so perturbing about this doll. Even at 18, I was still too stupid to know I'd regret getting a tattoo down the line and I never even had any dolls sporting them. Had I seen any, I may have done even more damage by becoming a repeat customer of Sunset Tattoo.

Sadly, this doll is likely going to compel many, many young girls to get inked and they're probably going to regret it one day too. I hope I'm wrong.

"There's our Daughter"

2011-10-12T15:36:00.000-07:00

John sent me this today.
Moments later he said, "There's our daughter."

And I was really thrilled to read that because it's really cute to hear him say things like that... but then I was just kinda sad.

As of late, we've clearly been leaning more towards kidding than not, but circumstances continue to preclude us from doing so. Although we're still not ready, or 100% certain, adopting or having a child requires time and money... and right now, we don't have much of either. We're both working our asses off and paying down our debt, (as I've said repeatedly, so I apologize). Nevertheless, everyday I am bombarded with horrific stories and stats about the forthcoming double-dip recession or housing bust... or some other imminent financial disaster that's gonna take us from bad to worse... or something like the contents of a PR plan a colleague of mine just put together for a new client, which included the following:

2) GENERATION X: DOUBLE WHAMMY-ED

Covering the 46 million American born between 1965 to 1982, their employment history has been characterized by two financial tsunamis. Hit by the Dotcom Bust of 1999, a scant 10 years later, just as they were feeling confident and planning for the future – wham! – the Great Recession knocks ‘em down again.

And right now, I'm ticked off with myself for even writing this. I sound like a totally depressed, glass half-empty, negative Nellie... and I don't want to be. So, I'm gonna go ahead and shut up now... watch this adorable commercial with this adorable little girl and her adorable teddy bear collection, (I had a massive one), and hope that things start to look a lot brighter sooner rather than later.

And why, for the love of God... can't we make commercials this cool in the US, (where they don't abuse CGI and don't tart the little girl up as my husband duly noted???)

If my mother reads this, I'm probably going to hell in a handbasket

2011-10-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

If we kid, I know that I will refrain from pulling some of the bizarro stunts my mother did. I should preface this by saying that even my mother now acknowledges to some degree that perhaps motherhood wasn't her thing. Truth be told, I think that's 100% true. Don't get me wrong... I did not have a terrible mother. In fact, all things considered, she was/is pretty darn fantastic, but she clearly had NO idea what she was getting into when she opted to kid - and Hayes, her first, really threw her for a loop. He was a troublemaker from day 1 - and that didn't change for about 35 years. She didn't know she was signing up for that, which is why she was relieved to discover that I was a girl. The thought of having two Hayeses may actually have killed her on the spot.

My mother handled virtually everything in rather unique manner. She was prone to what can only be described as stress-induced fits of crazy, that would sometimes include removing entire drawers of objects from dressers and armoires and emptying the contents on the floor because she couldn't find her keys. Our house would look as if it had been ransacked. When you're really young and impressionable, this kind of behavior is scary.

Then there was her impatience. My mother, like most women, is obsessed with shoes. I recall an instance where she took me to a department store, and when I grew restless and bored, and became quite vocal about wanting to leave, she dug her long acrlic nails into my arms to get me to shut up and refrain from embarassing her. Little did I know that one day, I'd be equally as obsessed with shoes, but if we kid, I will never dig my nails into my child's arms. I also won't hit my child, which both of my parents did.

There's a whole laundry list of things I won't do the way she did them, incluing waiting until the last minute to pick up a Halloween costume for my elementary school-aged daughter, and bringing home two rather humiliating options: A rubber banana mask and a rubber humpty dumpty mask. Thanks Mom. Dressing up as a banana that year was excruciating. Mind you - my mother constantly noted the fact that she was not a typical mom... not the kind who baked brownies for the bake sale, not the kind who threw on jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers and jumped into her station wagon to cart us off to soccer practice. She was a crazy, neurotic, super-talented artist type. This is precisely why I would've expected a better costume. Perhaps that's why I was so charmed by my husband's masterful creation of our Incredibles costumes during our first Halloween together... but I digress.

My mom also opted to wash my mouth out with soap. I know some parents still do this - and I'm simply not a fan. It's gross, it's kinda cruel, and it doesn't work... or at least it didn't work on me. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I swear like a truck driver, and I'm proud of it.

The primary thing that I will not do should we kid, is utilize my child as my personal therapist. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have been providing my mother with sage and sound advice for at least 21 years. She has never really heeded a word of it - and we have the same conversations over and over again - year in and year out. My mother obsesses over things that anger her to such an unhealthy extent that I often find myself pitying her. It's kinda maddening.

Like I said though - she was a pretty fantastic mom. She always knew what to say when I was devastated by something, (mean girls at school, the boy who didn't like me back, bombing an audition for musical theater - you name it). She hated to see my upset by anything - and I always knew she loved me to pieces. It's also been pretty rad to have such a creative mom, who has inspired my own creativity repeatedly. And of course, despite the fact that in hindsight she kinda thinks she shouldn't have had kids - I know that she adores and loves us both and doesn't reget the way things turned out. To her credit - she also went through numerous types of personal hell. She was diagnosed with an incurable and debilitating disease when Hayes and I were very young that has prevented her from doing a ton of things she'd have loved to do. She was led to believe that her son might be dead on at least two occasions. She has a mother who, well... to be completely honest, was mostly terrible - and don't get me started on her father.

So sure, she wasn't perfect, (who is???) but at the end of the day, I wouldn't have traded her for anything. I just won't do things precisely the way that she did. In the meantime, I'm praying that she never reads this. Fortunately, she doesn't know how to use a computer, (not kidding), so I'm probably safe.

Guest Post: My Awesome Friend Jen on How Parenting Has Changed Her

2011-10-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

I met Jen my freshman year of college. She overheard me talking about the Barenaked Ladies - and that was it... we were fast friends. I'm thrilled to have her as a guest blogger today. Pictured is her chihuahua, who I've also had the pleasure of knowing since college - and her adorable little girl who sadly, I've not yet had the pleasure of meeting in person. Enjoy:

How has becoming a parent changed me?

Ha. Even in that question, I see humor. There's no way to delineate all of the ways it has. Basically - it's changed everything.

You see your friends become parents who do something to/for/with their kids that you wholeheartedly don't approve of and think - “Oh, I’ll never do that,” or you think the opposite - “Wow... they do that so well... Need to remember that one.” Well, now that I'm a parent, I can say that it has literally and figuratively brought me to my knees. I am truly humbled by the enormousness of it all while I am cleaning up my baby girl's poop from our semi-new carpet.

It's such a cliche, but when your friends say, “You never know what its like to be a parent until you become one,” you should take them very, very seriously.

Now that I'm a parent, I feel far less judgmental towards other parents, and fully understand how we’re really all just doing the best we can. Now that I'm a parent, I know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Now that I'm a parent, I've discovered that carving out time for myself just to think without someone asking me to play or participate is a huge challenge. Now that I'm a parent, I have experienced many nights of no sleep crying and praying... on my knees for my baby to get better and for a few hours of decent rest. Now that I'm a parent, I've loved how I've grown in my relationship with my partner Phil. Now that I'm a parent, I know how fallible I am.

This post could easily be a thousand pages long, if I continue to discuss how parenting has changed me - and Phil too. Ultimately, it has changed both of us tremendously. It has shaken us and thrilled us. We have gone from that terrifying feeling of having absolutely no idea of how to soothe a newborn, to the excitement of starting the whole process over again.

And the emotions... the range of emotions... is amazing.

I love to watch my husband marvel at our daughter.
I regret how I have occasionally lost my temper and cursed in front of my daughter. (Of course, I apologized).
I have tried to put myself in her shoes and ask myself what emotions like these could be like to a 2 year-old brain! I'm a therapist - and know that emotions are scary for anyone - but to a two year-old?!? As another mother told me you have to step back and recognize that it's important for a child to learn that there is a range of emotions and that the tough ones can be resolved.

My friend Leigh asks whether or not she should kid. Well, I certainly can't answer that for her. I will say, it's quite a balancing act... balancing time to connect with your partner, your child, your self. It isn't easy. Whoever said it is is lying. I think more people are acknowledging that now. I've read discussions about how hard parenting is these days... especially for women trying to "have it all," and recalling how the picture of parenting was always painted as blissful.

Parenting is not all bliss - but neither is life. Fortunately, dads today are far more involved in parenting than most of our fathers ever dreamed of being - and that does in fact make things easier.

So as for Leigh kidding - only she can make that decision. As for me, I've enjoyed the process of learning how to be a parent who doesn't beat themselves up, and respecting myself for doing the best that I can.

Does Anyone Have $20,000 to Spare?

2011-09-28T13:06:00.000-07:00

Maria Menounos, Extra's co-host, just appeared on Good Morning America a few days ago to discuss her choice to freeze her eggs, because she's not ready for children yet. You can read all about it here:

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/health/2011/09/26/maria-menounos-my-choice-to-freeze-my-eggs/

Well, I'm not ready for children either, but I don't have $20,000 laying around to set up "an insurance plan" as Maria aptly calls it.

John and I caught a bit of this segment, where they warned women about how much riskier pregnancies are once you hit 40+, and how much more difficult it becomes to conceive. I am all too well aware of this.

John looked at me and said, "maybe we should be doing that," to which I immediately replied, "We can't afford to." And, the sad fact is, that we just can't.

I know I've pretty much said I'm leaning towards adoption if we do kid, but I do have moments every-so-often where I kinda can't help but think a mini John/Leigh combo would be a hell of a lot of fun... boy or girl... though I would really, really be hoping for a girl...

And then my adorable thoughts are shattered by a barrage of horrifying ones:

1. I'm getting older... fast... and John and I are still not in a position to bring a new life into this world. Without freezing my eggs, we won't really have a choice other than adoption if we don't make up our minds about this kid thing within the next couple of years. That's not necessarily a bad thing - but I hate that the choice will have been made for me.

2. I'm petrified of giving birth. Positively petrified. Does anyone know anyone who's died giving birth? I'm serious. Anyone? I know this doesn't generally happen anymore - but it must happen sometimes, and someone's gotta draw that lucky number, right?

3. If I were to give birth, it would probably HAVE to be a C-section. Don't ask... just trust me on this one. Much like giving birth, I'm also petrified of surgery. What the hell is wrong with me?

4. I may be in the process of reinventing my career... again... something that kids really don't play into all that well.

5. What if we had a boy? I don't even know what I'd do with a male child. Part of me, (and part of John), would really hope that he would be the equivalent of Nate Berkus. It would make both of us feel much more comfortable with the whole thing.

Nevertheless, I'm still kind of having that freak-out moment about my eggs slowly rotting and thinking: Great... what next?

I had NO idea... and wish I still didn't.

2011-09-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

(Illustration by Mark Matcho for Time)

So this was a media inquiry I received this morning:

3) Summary: Placenta

Category: Biotech and Healthcare

Media Outlet: Anonymous

Deadline: 6:00 PM PST - 21 September
Query:

Looking for mothers on the West Coast (CA, TX, NV, OR, WA) who
are eating their placenta after giving birth or having a
placenta eating party.

Um... WTF?!?! My colleague and I were sitting here laughing and simultaneously feeling relatively nauseous - and then I googled it and found NUMEROUS articles on the subject, including "Afterbirth: It's What's for Dinner" in Time Magazine linked below, which included the following excerpt:

By law, Sara has to cook the placenta at the placenta owner's home. But to my great relief, she brought her own equipment, gloves, sponges and even more detergent than I'd hoped, scrubbing constantly as she worked. If I ever kill a man in my own home, I am totally calling the placenta lady.

So clearly, it's worth a read.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1908442,00.html

That all said however, I don't really care what magical powers placenta may possess, I am never, ever eating any. I'm revolted just reading about it and may not be able to stomach lunch.

Here's a description I found on yet another website, (chow.com), about the art of placenta eating: "It's pretty gross when you're working with it." It's a hefty, vein-covered slab of meat that can weigh several pounds, and because it's full of blood, preparation can be seriously messy.

Now if that doesn't make you salivate, I don't know what will!

Will I Be Pushing One of These Instead of a Stroller?

2011-09-09T12:23:00.000-07:00

To play it safe, my husband and I finally decided to get life insurance. Evidently, it's harder to obtain as you get older, so we figured we'd better hop to it.

I was discussing this with my colleague, which led to conversations about our respective families... who died when and of what... and so-on-and-so-forth. Happy little conversation indeed.

Anyway, as I was reviewing my family's history, I started to panic. Not only is it spotty, (plenty of cancer, addiction, people dying young etc.), but of those who are still living, (and there are few), they're not doing so hot either.

Two have COPD/emphysema, one, (without COPD/emphysema), is STILL smoking cigarettes and just broke his wrist skateboarding at age 39, (clearly he still thinks he's immortal), another is almost undoubtedly bipolar, drinks like a fish and flies into rages, another has what appears to be alzheimers or dementia, (albeit she's pushing 90), and last but not least, another of my family members has had a chronic illness since she was about 30, doesn't take any vitamins or supplements of any kind, and I'm pretty certain she's gonna wind up with osteoporosis.

My colleague joked that someday soon, I was going to wind up caring for a couple of invalids and wouldn't have time for children anyway. I laughed, but only half-heartedly, since I kinda sorta realized it could happen.

That said, if you happen to be one of my family members who is reading this blog, and you know which parts apply to you - maybe you'll get some sense knocked into you before this picture becomes a harsh reality, okay? I am NOT going to take care of you because you elect to do stupid shit.

So there.

Two Little Girls???

2011-09-07T12:52:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my husband surprises me, like he did this past weekend. We were at the beach, enjoying the ocean and watching these adorable little kids playing at the shoreline - and while I can't quote John verbatim, he said something along the lines of really needing two little girls if we're going to do the whole kidding thing at all.

What?!? Did I hear that correctly? Was he serious? Two?!? Two little girls?!? That never even really occurred to me. My immediate reaction was thus:

"You know then that if we adopt, we're going to want to adopt two at the same time, or we'll have to repeat the entire process all over again, which would mean another 2 trips to whichever country we potentially adopt from." This would translate to a grand total of 4 trips equivalent to approximately 64+ days of overseas travel.

John said, "I know."

I don't recall the conversation continuing much past that point, but I remember thinking that I never really gave serious thought to more than one child. I think I had ultimately ruled it out for a variety of reasons, (our age by the time we get around to this nonsense, cost, etc.)

Never gave it much thought at all, until now.

Now I'm thinking:

a) John's probably right.
b) How on earth would we manage two babies at once? How does anyone?
c) If we kid, when on earth are we going to be able to afford to?
d) Damn you crappy economy. Damn you.
e) If we kid, I would give ANYTHING to be a successful stay-at-home mom with a respectable income.
f) My poor puppies would be so confused by two tiny little people in the house that cry... a lot.
g) My puppies would really LOVE having two more people they can con into giving them excessive amounts of treats and belly rubs.
h) Maybe there's a wealthy distant relative I'm yet unaware of who is about to bequeath their entire estate to me when they keel over and die. (Did I just write that? Ugh, I'm definitely going to hell).
i) Would we adopt two little girls of different ages?
j) If we did adopt little girls of different ages, what is the cutoff? 2 years? 3?
k) Nature vs. nurture... this whole debate rages on, doesn't it? And if you miss the whole infancy bonding thing, what then? Are we screwed?
l) Los Angeles is very expensive - and filled with traffic - dangerous traffic - and I have a two seater car, that I bought one year ago. Ugh.
m) I can't believe I'm on the letter m

And on that note...

Evidently, Diet is a Bad, Bad Word and Someone's Getting a Lot of Undeserved Free PR

2011-09-02T09:13:00.000-07:00

http://healthland.time.com/2011/08/25/will-fat-kids-become-popular-if-they-go-on-a-diet-maggie-goes-on-a-diet-makes-the-case/

Oh boy. Where to start? Well, I think those of you who read this blog regularly know that I have legitimate concerns about childhood obesity, because it is becoming rampant and it's one of the many reasons our entire healthcare system is going to eventually implode.

That said, in concept, there's nothing wrong with this book, yet everyone is completely up-in-arms about it - threatening to boycott anyone who sells it and insisting that the word diet is inappropriate for kids, that this book is going to make kids self-conscious and possibly trigger anorexia in kids who don't need to lose weight etc., etc. Oh please people. Get real. There are far too many fat kids in this country to ignore. It is an epidemic and it is a huge problem. We are not just talking 10 - 15 pounds overweight either. The numbers of children who are now classified as obese or morbidly obese is staggering. TONS OF KIDS IN THIS COUNTRY DO IN FACT NEED TO GO ON DIETS. Okay, okay, so the word diet has become inflammatory because we're all a bunch of pussies... so maybe the title of this book was not the smartest move on the writer's part, but that's not where I take issue.

I take issue that this book is getting so much free PR - and that it SUCKS.

Here's an excerpt:

Losing the weight was not only good for Maggie's health.

Maggie was so much happier and was also very proud of herself.

More and more people were beginning to know Maggie by name.

Playing soccer gave Maggie popularity and fame.

The rhyming is just atrocious! For those of you who aren't aware, I've written numerous rhymed children's books - and managed to get one published a while back, so I am incredibly nitpicky when it comes to others' rhymed works, especially children's fare, and especially because no publishers or agents will touch anything in rhyme with a ten foot pole, unless it's written by a celebrity. So, my books sit around collecting dust. I'm seriously contemplating sharing them here at some point or another. But I digress.

The author, Paul Kramer self-published this book. I believe it's his first. Not surprised that it's self-published - but I am surprised at how much free PR it's already getting before it's even out! How did this guy pull that off? I'm a publicist and I can't figure that one out. In the meantime I'm giving him more free PR. Can someone please explain to me where I've gone wrong in life? Please?!? And, can anyone reading this that's a parent explain to me why the publishing world won't consider well-written books in rhyme anymore? Wouldn't you read them to your kids, if the stories were good - and the rhyming was decent and maybe there was even an educational aspect to them? Or am I utterly and completely delusional as a non-parent?

I Thought I Had AIDS

2011-08-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

So my uncle, (who is sadly deceased), was this brilliant scientist type, who researched and I believe, successfully helped find cures for certain types of cancer along with his collagues. He also told my family about AIDS before it became highly publicized in mainstream media. This was NOT GOOD for a very young, very abnormally hypochondriacal/alarmist little girl who was always convinced she was dying from something. That little girl being me of course.

At approximately 5 or 6 years of age, I was 100% convinced that I was going to die from AIDS. No matter what my parents told me to the contrary, I was certain. I was dying from AIDS and there was nothing anyone could do about it. My fear was so intense, so overwhelming, that my mother finally had to cart me off to the pediatrician to hear it from the doctor's mouth that there was no way I could possibly have AIDS. She had to tell me all about how you could contract it - and swear to me that unless I'd done any of those things, (had unprotected sex, tainted blood transfusions, or shared dirty drug needles,) that I couldn't possibly have it. Lo and behold, I was FINALLY convinced after weeks of completely insane and pointless worrying that I wasn't dying of AIDS. I was probably dying of something, but it wasn't AIDS.

That wasn't the first time I went completely batshit insane about something that, while totally irrational, completely consumed my thoughts. Unfortunately, this is probably one of the primary reasons I always felt a little awkward as a kid. I never really felt like I fit in, and took everything way too seriously and personally.

In fact, I think that's been the case almost my entire life. My fear has stopped me from doing so much. Fear of failure, fear of criticism, fear of death. You name it, I've feared it at some point or another. I've managed to do some pretty gutsy things... I've entered various contests, acted on stage and film, put my writing out there and managed to get something published, traveled abroad alone with no friends at 19, found the love of my life online when it was still considered taboo... but ultimately, there have been many things I've simply been too scared to try, and as a result, I harbor a few regrets.

This is why I am hell-bent on a few things.

1. I refuse to let fear incapacitate me anymore, (except maybe when I have to fly or go under the knife).

2. If we kid, I will do everything in my power to ensure that our child is as reasonably fearless as possible - short of literally playing with fire.

Why Be in the Dark?

2011-08-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.gwendolynstrong.com%2F2011%2F08%2Fgiveaway-two-counsyl-universal-genetic-tests-valued-700.html&h=1AQBf7HDB

My friend Victoria is hosting a giveaway on her Gwendolyn Strong Foundation site for two Counsyl Universal Genetic Tests, which screen for more than 100+ genetic inherited conditions, including SMA - Spinal Muscular Atrophy - the #1 genetic killer of young children.

Certainly, as someone contemplating kidding, I'd want to rule out as much as possible in the way of passing on any unfortunate and possibly fatal conditions to my offspring should we go the traditional route where I get knocked up. While we haven't decided definitively whether or not to kid yet, and while we're leaning towards adoption, I say, better safe than sorry. You should definitely take this test if you're planning on having children. Why be in the dark? Find out what nasty little genes you have lurking around in there, (if any), and make an educated decision about where to go from there if anything negative pops up. Makes sense to me.

If you plan on entering the contest, I would advise doing so immediately, since it ends tomorrow.

And nobody told me...

2011-08-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

... that reading my friend Jenny's blog posts would make me want to kid.

http://andnobodytoldme.com/2011/08/that-my-kid-would-know-me-so-well/

You can read more of Jenny's parenting insights and brilliance at www.karmacontinued.com.

Hot Sauce, The Adventures of Baron Munchausen and the Worst Haircut I've Ever Seen on a Woman

2011-08-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

So the "Hot Sauce Mom" was convicted of child abuse for using, well, hot sauce to punish her son. She was tried and convicted because she agreed to appear on the Dr. Phil show to share her favorite form of discipline with millions of people. Brilliant. Personally, I'd like to know who in their right mind agrees to be filmed for a national television program with hair like this in the first place.

http://abcnews.go.com/US/hot-sauce-mom-jessica-beagley-charged-child-abuse/story?id=12796871

Interestingly, my own parents used the same device on my brother, as well as soap and a belt. That was in the 80s, when such tactics were considered acceptable... I think.

Fortunately for me, I was the well-behaved child in the family - and never got "hot sauced" - though my mouth was washed out with soap at some point or another for swearing. A hell of a lot of good that did. I now swear like a fucking truck driver.

In any case, I have less-than-fond memories of seeing my brother punished severely, but at the same time, I almost couldn't blame my parents. Hayes was born in trouble. I mean this kid literally got into trouble every 10 seconds. From the time he was about 4 or 5 until he was about 34 or so, he looked for ways to create trouble. He ate, slept and breathed trouble. Just to paint a more vivid picture - his trouble culminated in a series of stints where he either wound up in jail, went through the windshield of his car, or hit "rock bottom" so-to-speak, which wasn't pretty. I am somewhat amazed that my parents survived all of this.

Nevertheless, it was torturous to see Hayes being semi-tortured - and I do not support the tactics my parents used to try to get him 'in line.' First of all, they never worked. Hayes was always well-aware of what the punishment would be and yet continued to find trouble to get into. Maybe he liked it. Who knows?

Either way, I don't support this methodology of child rearing/discipline. At the same time, I'm not sure what I would do if I had a child that behaved the way my brother did. I really have no clue. What if your child is just unresponsive to ANY form of punishment? What do you do? I'm kind-of afraid to find out - which is one of the 50 billion reasons that if we kid, I'd like to have a girl. I just think they're less-inclined to get into such serious trouble on a regular basis. Sure, there's the chance that they'll get knocked up, but that's a hell of a lot better than getting a call while you're vacationing in Mexico informing you that your son is in jail.

That said, I still vividly recall the first time I got into what can be called real trouble. I was with a group of girlfriends at the Mann Valley theater in Tarzana, CA for my birthday. We went to go see The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. One of my friends, (I believe Lindsay or Ali P., both of whom I admired a great deal and whose approval I was desperate for), decided to lick and throw gummi bears at the movie screen, so they'd stick. I joined them, as did the rest of my clan. Within a few minutes of the lot of us doing this, some theater manager type came and escorted us out of the movie theater... and called our parents.

I was positively petrified. I had never done anything this bad before. I was in tears - and so scared that I would get the hot sauce, soap, or belt.

Fortunately, they spared me. I don't quite recall what my punishment was, but perhaps they were lenient because I was a first timer. That incident put the fear of God in me though. I think I only got into trouble once more after that, (at least trouble I got caught for).

If my parents only knew...

Anyway, not only does the "Hot Sauce Mom" have the worst hair I've ever seen in my life, but she's implementing disciplinary methods that remind me of the less-than-sunny days of my childhood. Again, perhaps semi-acceptable then - not so much now. Come on people. It's called evolution.

And, for the record, I don't think my parents would ever use those methods with children anymore. And, in their defense, they were pretty desperate. Hayes was kind-of a hellion. Me... not so much... at least not to their knowledge anyway.

Parenting "Experts" and Information Overload

2011-08-23T14:11:00.000-07:00

My lovely friend Estrella sent me a link to a podcast, "The Economist's Guide to Parenting." The following is a quote from that podcast:

"Now, if you thought it was bad in the 20th century, you might want to stay out of the 21st. In a lot of places, parenting has become a competitive sport. Experts are everywhere, each of them sounding more confident than the last, even if their advice contradicts one another — or contradicts themselves? So how are we supposed to know what’s really good for kids? How do we know what’s worth worrying about — and what’s not?"

You can read the whole transcript, or listen to the podcast here:
http://www.freakonomics.com/2011/06/07/the-economist-guide-to-parenting-full-transcript/

I pulled the above quote, because that quote, in-and-of-itself, to me represents so much about parenting that I am borderline petrified of. This business of every "expert" telling you how to parent your child, people incessantly pointing out what you're doing wrong, other parents telling you how frickin' fabulous their child is... daily, and receiving links to 5 million mommy blogs/parenting websites and such... unsolicited. This of course on top of your own pre-existing tendencies to overthink, over-research and possibly overdo everything. (Or at least mine anyway).

I would like to believe that I wouldn't fall victim to parenting information overload - or this belief that simply being a parent makes you a "parenting expert" of any sort or kind.

If we kid, I will never profess to be a parenting expert, and I'm going to do my damndest to make decisions based on what my husband and I believe just works. The pragmatic approach.

The funny part perhaps is that if we do kid, I suppose there is a decent chance that I will become a mommy blogger. That title also scares the hell out of me, especially because I'll still be an opinionated little bitch who points fingers at people for parenting wrong and will likely have many, many more fingers pointed right back at me as I screw up my own kid on a fairly regular basis.

What can I say? I'm a total hypocrite. But, buried beneath the hypocritical bitch exterior is the neurotic somewhat insecure mess who will likely be poring over mommy blogs, Jewgling and everything else I should be avoiding, if we do in fact kid.

In the meantime, I love being the mommy of two adorable Boston Terriers that I just can't get enough of. Love, love, love it.

Mommy Bloggers... AKA Coffee, Wine and Vodka Addicts

2011-08-19T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have noticed a distinctive pattern amongst popular mommy bloggers. Virtually every single one of their Twitter account descriptions includes some derivation of the following:

wine drinker, wine lover, vino obsessed, coffee drinker, coffee lover, coffee obsessed, coffee freak - and then there's the occasional vodka lover -like @BringMommyVodka, whose latest post is a photo of her behind her "besties" the "sassy sixteen" that never let her down.

http://www.bringmommythevodka.com/

Anyway, I think it's quite intriguing that many of these women are literally defining themselves, (at least partially anyway), by what potentially addictive substances they're drinking. Is this a direct result of being a mom, or were they like this prior to birthing a child?

This kind of scares me for a multitude of reasons - particularly given the fact that many of them seem to like both - so I'm envisioning these women pounding coffee in the a.m. to get wired enough to take care of their children, (let alone themselves) and continuing to drink coffee throughout the day so they don't collapse from exhaustion from the previous night's over-consumption of wine and corresponding less-than-restful night's sleep. Mind you, the wine probably becomes essential to wind-down from the excessive caffeine imbibed to get them through their day. A vicious cycle, certainly.

The thing is, I kind-of get it. I have to imagine that if I already need wine at the end of the day, that need will only grow with the addition of children to the Fountain fam.

Perhaps we'll find out.

Guest Post: Simone DeBlasio on Kidding, (and she's a kick-ass writer/blogger who is better at it than I am, so read this or I'll hunt you down and hurt you).

2011-08-16T13:28:00.000-07:00

One of my new favorite people, (fellow Boston Terrier parent, fellow blogger, and all-around cool chick), agreed to guest post on my blog. YAY!!!

Here is a bit of Simone DeBlasio's unique brand of genius:

I kid you not…

When Leigh Hope Fountain (best name in town) asked me to write a post for her blog, at first I thought, “Is she serious? Doesn’t she know I was banned from babysitting in my neighborhood because I caught the McDurmott’s driveway on fire during a shift?”

LHF couldn’t possibly know this bit of history because she only knows me as a Boston Terrier mom. And this I do quite well. I’ve never been a fan of kids. It’s all about them. They’re so needy and greedy, always whining for attention or food. Plus their hands are always filthy. The only gifts they offer are sickness, stress and exhaustion. Sure they might give you love, but it’s only when they want something. Then they grow into teenagers who talk back and hate you for no reason at all. Kids are the quintessential reason for birth control.

Should Leigh and John bring a child into their home?

Last week a co-worker brought her 5-year old daughter, Lola, into work. When I was young I loved visiting my dad’s office, pressing buttons on the phones and scribbling fake messages on pink pads, then leaving with a bunch of stolen office supplies. Lola, who was sprawled out on the floor next to the president’s office in tears, clearly wasn’t having the utopian experience I was familiar with. Her mother was about to blow a gasket, and for some bizarre reason (probably my unconscious people-pleasing tendencies), I asked the wee one if she wanted to visit my dog at my desk.

“YES!”

Kids will do anything to avoid homework.

Her mom asked if I would review Lola’s headshots while we we’re hanging out. Only in LA do 5-years olds have gorgeous headshots, agents and auditions under their tiny belts. Since I’ll do anything to avoid work, I reviewed the headshots while Lola played with my dog.

“Can I help pick out shots?” Lola tapped my arm.

“Um, sure. You, uh, wanna sit on my lap?” I asked with a slight level of discomfort, secretly hoping she’d say no.

“Yes!” She scooted her little body up onto my lap and we looked over 19 pages of photos. For the record, there was not a bad one in the bunch.

What blew my mind was how this miniature person had no qualms about picking out her favorites, and that she could use the computer better than me. The more we looked over those photos I began to feel an overwhelming sense of joy and hope. This beautiful child perched on my lap in the middle of my workday was teaching me something very important. Not only could kids bring in extra income if they’re good looking, but they force you to remain in the present moment. Nothing else mattered except sitting with Lola and looking over her headshots. It was a glorious moment of clarity.

So… should Leigh and John bring a child into their home?

Only they know the answer to that lofty question. I do believe most of us are capable of being good parents, as long as we’re willing to become selfless, and change everything we think we know about life.

Yeah, I’m still sticking with Boston Terriers.

For more of my mouth, visit my blog: http://simone-says.com

And you should visit her blog. Simone is funny as hell and shares many of my grievances in life.

Quoted on cnn.com - but no mention of my blog. Darn.

2011-08-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

Still cool though! Thanks Jessica Dickler!

http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/11/pf/recession_birth_rate/index.htm

Sad state of affairs - The economy may choose whether or not we have kids for us

2011-08-11T09:46:00.000-07:00

As a publicist, I receive media inquiries daily. Yesterday, I received the following:

Have you decided against having children or having additional
children because of the economy? If the economy has played a
major role in your decision about getting pregnant please email
me and you could be included in an upcoming story. Thank you -

Of course, I saw this as an opportunity to comment on a subject I often write about on this here blog - noting how John and I went through a financial disaster that we're still recovering from, how much kids cost, forgoing a honeymoon to buy a house, (that we lost), etc., etc. And of course, all of these factors contribute to our reluctance to have children. (I also saw it as an opportunity to pimp out my blog...not gonna lie).

Anyway, interestingly, the inquiry came from a journalist for CNN's Money site - where the following article came from - an article I read AFTER having responded to her inquiry - an article that made me shudder and realize that there is a decent chance that the economy may entirely preclude us from having children.

http://money.cnn.com/2011/08/10/news/economy/double_dip_recession_economy/index.htm?hpt=hp_t2

Good times.

In the meantime, while the 'to kid or not to kid' debate rages on, the CNN journalist is including me in her piece. Stay tuned!

(Photo from cnn.com)

One day the title of this blog will no longer be relevant

2011-08-10T14:44:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me today that eventually a decision will be made one way or the other on the kidding front, at which point I'm going to have to start a new blog with a more appropriate name.

Accordingly, I decided to register one for each option - kidding and not kidding.

Much to my dismay, the one I would've liked to have had for the childless path is taken. So, you tell me dear readers... is that a sign?

I even tried a second option. Also taken.

Not only would I like to hear your thoughts on the matter, but I'd also LOVE submissions for blog titles should we opt not to kid. Please leave them in the comments below.

Thanks!

Just found out that I can choose my baby's gender.

2011-08-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

Wish it were a good thing though - which sadly, it isn't.

As anyone still reading this blog knows, John and I are pretty certain that if we opt to kid, we'll likely adopt for a wide variety of reasons - including really wanting a girl - which is why this article today was both compelling and disturbing:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/44079287/ns/health-pregnancy/

And in case you're wondering... no - I would not do this. Come on people. I'm not that insane.

I Suppose I Should've Seen This Coming

2011-07-28T11:42:00.000-07:00

I know I've said it before - and I'll say it again. I am a hormonal mess. The good news is that I've FINALLY gotten it in check, (as much as I think is possible). The bad news is that every month, I get hit HARD - and I mean CRAZY HARD with about a 10 - 12 hour window where the world becomes the bleakest, saddest, most hopeless place imaginable. I wallow in self pity - and oftentimes decide that my husband is my punching bag. It's like Jekyll and Hyde - I go from being a wife who couldn't love her husband more, to wanting him to refrain from uttering a single word for fear that I might actually do something drastic, like threaten divorce for no reason whatsoever. (Oh - and by the way... I have, but of course, I've NEVER meant it). It truly was the hormones talking.

Yesterday was no exception - and I should've seen it coming. Perhaps you could tell from my blog post that something was off - not that I don't always have impatience and OCD to some extent, but certainly at "that time of the month" it goes from about a 3 on the Richter scale to a 10 in mere seconds. It's INSANE.

Anyway, so I was literally fine when I left work. In fact, I was in such good spirits that I complimented a girl in the elevator because she looked like she needed a pick-me-up.

Then, I got into my car, and proceeded to pull out of the parking space and BLAMMO. I whacked the front end of my car into a concrete pole, because I was parked in a different spot than usual, and just wasn't paying any attention. Now here's the thing. I had my last car for three years, and never got into an accident... no scratches, dents or dings - and it was in pristine condition when I turned it in.

That was a lease. I opted to buy this car, because I figured it was a good idea overall. Little did I know that there is some otherworldly force that makes every-other-car of mine a frickin' catastrophe waiting to happen.

Within one week of purchasing my new car, I was rear-ended. Then, a mere few months later, I somehow managed to hit the protective structure of a fire extinguisher. (Don't ask). Cut to today: I hit the concrete pole thingy in my office building - and now I've got yet another dent - and lots of unsightly white scrapes on the right front end of my car as well.
I haven't even owned this thing one full year - and there have already been three mishaps. WTF?!?!?

So I called John after surveilling the damage - and of course he was like, "no big deal," but this was the straw that broke the camel's back for me - and when I hung up the phone, I burst into tears and cried all the way home.

Hello PMS!

This of course snowballed into a series of self-pitying thoughts including the fact that my husband has to have surgery in a few weeks, we don't have life insurance (and I know it's totally morbid and weird to even be worrying about that), I can't lose my last 10 lbs no matter how hard I try, I'm jealous of all of my friends who constantly go on vacations, I want to eat the world, and somehow, I look like a big fat cow even though I just lost 20 lbs.

Fortunately, my husband saved the day, (as best as he could). I was about to start cooking dinner, and he offered to go get me wine and mediterranean food from one of my favorite local haunts.

YAY JOHN!

Afterwards I apologized for being such a pain - acknowledging how messed up I get once a month - and admitted to essentially needing a punching bag - and he says - "It's as if you want a Death Star to blow up" which made me laugh - but only half-heartedly, because I knew he was right. He's the Death Star - and yes, I want to destroy it. I forewarned him to not fan the fire. So that's what my poor husband dealt with all night.

Now imagine me pregnant.

P.S. Still annoyed that I don't have my videos to post. UGH.

Incorrigible Impatience and OCD are Totally Messing With My Head Today

2011-07-27T16:24:00.000-07:00

I want a new post up... yesterday. Unfortunately, I am hell-bent on posting something extremely specific that I can't make work on my craptastic PC in the office, so I'm totally screwed. I've enlisted the help of my husband, who is quite willing, however he tried to fix the issue and quickly discovered that our insanely outdated mac laptops aren't exactly being compliant either. To boot, he's got a bit of the OCD too - and is working on a project far more important than my silly little blog to spend inordinate amounts of time trouble-shooting for me.

What's maddening is that once I get something into my head - I have to make it happen then and there. I am incredibly OCD-esque in this respect and incredibly impatient. It's a lethal combination. Hope I never have any desire to kill myself, 'cause I'd have at it right away. Fortunately, my overwhelming fear of death keeps that from being an issue. If it weren't however, I'd have to believe that my impatience would lead me to attempt it in far too hasty a manner and I'd wind up with a pathetically botched job anyway. Mangled and alive.

So, here I am with this insatiable desire to put something up - and the only thing I want to put up is being a huge pain in the ass. Thus, you get this random rant that really has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not I should have kids. Then again, maybe it does...

Hmm... patience... children?

Our Nation of Ridiculously Over-Protective Parents and the Wussification of Its Children

2011-07-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

http://www.ivillage.com/do-you-let-your-kids-play-toy-guns/6-a-366015?obref=obnetwork

I read this story about kids playing with toy guns on iVillage and was both appalled and annoyed.

Let's start with the appalling part. The author, a Texan, owns real guns, (the kind that kill people), and yet she's worried about letting her own children play with toy guns, (as in fake ones), because she heard about a 5 year-old who killed his own brother with a REAL one. Um... WTF? This doesn't even make any sense... like at all! To add insult to injury - in that incident, the police chief blamed it on violence on television and toy guns. Of course! The kid got a hold of a real gun and killed his baby brother because he may or may not have seen violence on television, and may or may not have played with a fake gun previously, which could have sparked his curiosity about the real things. Sure. Okay. So it's not the fault of negligent parents who somehow inadvertently enabled their 5 year-old to get a hold of a real gun? Really? The gun WAS NOT locked up by the way.

On to the annoying part. We are creating a nation of serious wusses - boys and girls who are being so over-protected from everything, (including water guns), that their ability to man-up,(boys and girls alike), or deal with reality at all, will be virtually non-existent. This author was distressed about hearing a group of boys shout, "You're dead! You're dead!" at her son, while they were playing laser tag. Since when did playing dead become an issue? What kid doesn't play dead at some point or another? Personally, I think it's actually a good thing. Perhaps if I had played dead more often, I wouldn't be so psychotically afraid of it now. Guns and death are a part of our reality. Banning toy guns and depictions of violence on television isn't going to stop tragic accidents like the death of this young boy from happening.

My husband was just commenting on the forthcoming Captain America movie this morning - and how he's excited about it predominantly because it features a superhero wielding a gun. Yes, an actual gun that shoots real bullets. Now, I'm not condoning letting your kids play with real guns... that would be out-and-out insane... but shielding them from toy guns - particularly those that shoot water? Now that's just getting lame... especially when you've got a house filled with the real things! This author should be far more concerned about one of those getting into her kids' hands than a toy version. I mean, seriously?

The best part, is that this woman doesn't even like using the word gun when it comes to toys. She prefers, "squirters or soakers," (which to me sounds slightly perverted), and again, is just another way it seems that parents are doing so much coddling, so much over-protecting, that we will eventually have a nation of grown babies... in every respect.

Now who's up for a game of coyboys and indians? (Oh wait... that's not very PC now is it?)

Government Intervention for Obese Children... Sigh

2011-07-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/43727876/ns/health-health_care/

Ugh. This is one of those issues where there's just no great solution - and unfortunately, the children lose no matter what.

Everybody knows that we, as a country, are getting fatter, but as this article states, "What's even worse is the epidemic of blubber among children. Obesity rates have skyrocketed among the nation's kids in the past two decades. Nearly 32 percent of U.S. children ages 2 to 19 are overweight or obese, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Fully 12 percent have topped the category of extreme obesity. That's a lot of heavy kids."

It is a lot of heavy kids. And this article raises a great question: Whether or not severely obese children should be removed from their homes because their parents are contributing to the problem by essentially abusing their children through overfeeding.

We're all accustomed to children being removed from homes because of malnourishment/starvation, but "overfeeding" is new. It seems jarring for a moment to think of it as child abuse, but in essence, it is. The parents of these kids are clearly negligent. They are ignoring the fact that their offspring are unhealthy and undoubtedly going to develop horrible complications/comorbidities including diabetes, strokes, heart attacks, cancer, depression and arthritis. I would classify that as abusive. When you think of it in those terms, it is incredibly disheartening to realize then, that approximately 12% of the nation's parents have abused their children in this manner. What's even more disheartening is that I would venture to guess that the parents themselves are obese, so chances are they will ultimately orphan their children.

Here's one of the primary problems with the idea of using child abuse laws to remove extremely obese children from their homes. The article also sites the fact that social services is already overloaded. 12% of the nation's children = 2 million with a BMI over the 99th percentile. This is where I become a frustrated citizen. Clearly, there needs to be some type of intervention to get these kids on the right track, and clearly something needs to be done about the parents who allow their children to get this unhealthy, but our country can't afford to do anything - and even if it could, and I am sick and tired of our government having to resort to intervening in matters such as this because there is no such thing as personal responsibility anymore. It is INFURIATING. These parents are criminals.

What's even more disheartening is that chances are, the majority of these kids will be obese adults, which means our already defunct healthcare system is only gonna get worse. Can't wait for those insurance premiums to skyrocket...again... and I can't get in to see a doctor for a few months because they're too busy dealing with millions upon millions of coronaries and diabetics - many of whom will be kids.

Look, I know I must sound like a super-conservative callous bitch, but seriously folks. Should we really need the government to intervene because parents can't take care of their children??? Who lets their child become obese? And look, I understand what it is to be overweight, (I've struggled myself as I've mentioned before), but extremely obese? There's NO excuse when it comes to children. If I were to kid, and my child was starting to get a bit chubby, I, as a responsible parent, would address it STAT.

Remember that line in Parenthood, (the movie) - "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, ... to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."

Clearly any butt-reaming anything can be a parent - as evidenced by our nation's kids. They are not extremely obese because they wanted to be - of that I am certain.

So what is the solution? I have no idea - though obtaining licenses to have children doesn't sound so bad, even though it's just another indication that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. Pathetic.

Comments, insults and attacks welcome as always.

Maybe I'm Not Strong Enough

2011-07-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been on the fence again about kidding or not. This bothers me a great deal for a wide variety of reasons, including the fact that at some point, a decision must get made! If I just keep waffling on this, eventually the decision will have been made for me, and I am NOT okay with that. I want to be the one to conclusively decide whether or not we're having children... or just an army of puppies.

Part of why I'm back on the fence again is due to joining this "I heart Boston Terriers" group on Facebook. Yes, I actually belong to that group and will actually be going to a Boston Terrier meetup on July 17th. I am a total nerd for my pups - big time. Thing is, people in the group post oodles of adorable photos and videos - but they also post when one of their Boston babies gets sick, or worse... dies. Yesterday, one of them did. I tear up every time - especially because I know all too well that when Otto and Anna's time is up I am going to be the biggest mess on the planet. I am tearing up as I write this. I know it's inevitable - and I hate it. I mean, just look at them. They're irresistably cute. Painfully cute - and they bring us inordinate amounts of joy. I wish they could live forever.

Likewise, I cannot, for the life of me, even begin to imagine losing a child. I cannot imagine the heartbreak that accompanies such a terrible loss. Your child is supposed to outlive you, but sometimes, that just isn't the way the cards play out. My grandmother outlived her son. He died very unexpectedly at the age of 42 from a heart attack. To this day, I still remember being awake on the phone with my high school friend Mike - at around 2 a.m. on a school night, (which was odd to begin with), and hearing my parents' phone ring in the other room. I knew something was seriously wrong. I just knew. Only thing was, I thought it was my brother. I thought we were getting the phone call that he had died, because he had come close quite a few times already. My heart sank. I remember hearing my mother gasp - and I truly believed I had lost my brother.

Well, I was wrong. It wasn't my brother - it was my uncle. My uncle who had a personal trainer, didn't eat red meat, didn't smoke, didn't drink and was in phenomenal shape... or so we all thought. He had battled non-Hodgkins lymphoma at 21 and was told he had about 6 months to live - but they put him on aggressive chemotherapy and radiation treatment, and he beat the odds. Truly miraculous. Unfortunately, nobody noticed that all of those chemo and radiation treatments had weakened his heart - and 21 years later, it simply stopped.

That news changed all of our lives - and my Grandmother's rather profoundly. He was her only son. I don't think she ever really recovered. I was devastated too - but I remember a part of me thinking that I was happy it wasn't Hayes because I think that would've killed my mom... literally. The death of her brother did a serious number on her - but the death of her son would've been far, far worse.

Could I ever handle a situation like that? I really don't know if I'm strong enough. Part of me doesn't know that I absolutely want to find out -but at the same time, part of me doesn't want to chicken out on the whole kidding thing because of fear. I have let my fear dictate many things in my life - but I am not going to let it make what may ultimately be my biggest decision ever for me. At least I'm strong enough to know that. It's a start.

Annoyingly rambunctious kids in inappropriate places and the parents who refuse to do anything about them.

2011-07-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/05/granderson.bratty.kids/index.html?hpt=hp_c2

This article perfectly sums up everything I was thinking at the grocery store last week. The grocery store is not your child's playpen!

I swear, I was trying to navigate through Whole Foods' produce section - and was stopped dead in my tracks every which way I went because some stupid woman refused to rein her kids in to get the hell out of my way. I was infuriated. This is not the first time this has happened to me.

I do not know what crack parents are smoking that compel them to believe that everyone else is perfectly fine with their kids running around like madmen in places like grocery stores. When I'm at the grocery store, I want to get everything on my list and get out of there as quickly as humanly possible. Unfortunately, it rarely happens due to two things:

1. Children
2. Very, very old people

There is NO excuse for the first. Elderly people on the other hand get a pass, (although they shouldn't be driving so I wonder how they got there in the first place but that's another post for another blog that I don't have).

Anyway, I was thrilled to see this piece and agree with LZ Granderson completely. Discipline is a good thing people. Uncontrollable brats are not.

If we kid, they will know and fear "the look."

Humorless Idiot of the Day: Karen Spears Zacharias

2011-06-28T11:25:00.003-07:00

You're a humorless idiot Karen Spears Zacharias. I am so infuriated by your utterly lame and completely nonsensical article, (which you can find here), that I cannot blog about it fast enough.

How dare you even associate this author, who is likely a phenomenal parent who was merely having a little fun by writing this book,with child neglect and hostile environments?

It is people like you who have the rest of us walking on eggshells. Godforbid we swear or yell, or do something wrong because we're imperfect human beings, while you sit on your high horse and take the fun out of everything, including parenting!

This book, (in case you hadn't already figured it out), IS NOT INTENDED FOR CHILDREN!!! So why the hell are you so up-in-arms about it?

Oh yeah... because you're a humorless idiot.

Please purchase Adam Mansbach's book Go the F*** to Sleep just to piss this woman off. And if you do, please do so by clicking through to Amazon on the right. Thanks!!!

2011-06-28T11:25:00.001-07:00

Gwendolyn Strong Foundation

2011-06-24T16:35:00.000-07:00

So in case you missed my Facebook post, I have just added Amazon Associates to my blog. I have absolutely no idea how many people are actually reading it, but I'm hoping more than I think, because that means that more people might click on the Amazon link to the right, and buy something - which will in turn provide me with a commission - 50% of which I will be donating to the Gwendolyn Strong Foundation, www.gwendolynstrongfoundation.org - to help raise critical funding for Spinal Muscular Atrophy, (SMA), the number 1 genetic killer of young children. You don't have to purchase the items pictured, you just have to get to the Amazon site through the link and buy something... anything!

Please shop on Amazon by clicking through this site. Pretty, pretty please - and please tell your friends, family and colleagues to do so as well.

Thank you all!

Love,

Leigh

Americans Prefer Sons Over Daughters?

2011-06-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/06/24/6934166-americans-prefer-sons-over-daughters-poll-finds

This article states that according to Gallup polls dating back to 1941, Americans prefer a boy if they were only allowed one child and had to choose. 40% polled said they'd choose a boy and 28% said they'd choose a girl.

Then I took the little Live Poll on the side of the article - and these were the results:

With 5,684 respondents including me these were the results:

43% boy
57% girl

So where's the disconnect here? Then, being the curious research-crazy lunatic that I am, I looked into these Gallup polls wondering how accurate they are and how many people they actually poll and found this site, http://janda.org/c10/Lectures/topic05/GallupFAQ.htm, which stated the following:

Survey researchers have actually conducted public opinion polls to find out how much confidence Americans have in polls -- and have discovered an interesting problem. People generally believe the results of polls, but they do not believe in the scientific principles on which polls are based. In a recent Gallup "poll on polls," respondents said that polls generally do a good job of forecasting elections and are accurate when measuring public opinion on other issues. Yet when asked about the scientific sampling foundation on which all polls are based, Americans were skeptical. Most said that a survey of 1,500-2,000 respondents -- a larger than average sample size for national polls -- cannot represent the views of all Americans.

So basically polls are essentially B.S., and yet we all kind-of either believe them, or like taking part in them online anyway. They sure do get annoying around Presidential campaigns.

Anyway - back to John and I and how we are only interested in having a little girl if we kid. If this business of preferring boys is true, I'm happy we're anomalies.

In other news, I've been looking at friends' baby pictures on Facebook including my friend Jen's adorable little girl, Talia Hope who happens to share my middle name.

That said, what is wrong with me?!? We can't exactly have a child tomorrow, so I've got to tone down this baby-on-the-brain business. Ugh. Thank God I have puppies to go home to, or we'd really be in trouble.

Making Your Own Rules

2011-06-22T10:28:00.001-07:00

So John and I were discussing a variety of topics recently, and one of the major conclusions we've come to, particularly after the nonsense we went through losing our jobs, the house, etc., is that we have to:

a) make our own rules and

b) be confident in doing so

The more I think about this, the more I realize it is so ridiculously true. If we look to our friends and family and feel any pressures to do as they have done or as they hope we will do, we are only harming ourselves. Hippocrates said it best, "One man's meat is another man's poison."

So today, I am celebrating my husband's and my liberation from the norm and the expected or required.

We will do as we see fit and that will be more than good enough for us... and I would only wish the same for any children that we may or may not have.

That all said, Crazy Munchface here is lethally cute.

"Happiness as a Goal is a Recipe for Disaster" and, Roughhousing is a Recipe for Happiness

2011-06-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

So this morning on The Today Show, they did a segment all about roughhousing with your kids - and why it's a GOOD THING. (Namely, playtime with the kids, physical activity, and not worrying about whether or not your kids wind-up with a few scrapes or bruises... Godforbid. John actually pulled me out of the bathroom where I was hurriedly applying makeup to watch it because he thought it was adorable. *Cute*

Then, I received a lovely note from my friend Kristy with a link to an article in The Atlantic, which to summarize, (since it's quite long), basically theorizes that the reason so many young adults are unhappy is because their parents went WAY TOO FAR protecting them from literally everything even remotely unpleasant as children, and establishing happiness as a goal, which the author describes as a "recipe for disaster." Basically, not allowing your children to experience even mild discomfort, anxiety or disappointment makes them incapable of tolerating even the most mild frustrations that are normal occurrences in life.

Makes a hell of a lot of sense to me. If we kid - I want my kid to get banged up, rejected and frustrated - and there will be lots of roughhousing.

If you want to read the article in its entirety - it can be found here:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/

It's a great read. Thanks Kristy!

Bounce House

2011-06-15T09:55:00.000-07:00

John and I went to our friend's birthday/graduation party this past Saturday - and they had one of these bounce house thingys. Here is why I am officially a fan:

1. The kids are 100% entertained and happy. Parents are relatively free to mingle.

This is BRILLIANT. The bounce house kind of takes care of everything. Neato.

2. They're not expensive to rent! Pictured bounce house is about $70. Worth every penny in my humble opinion.

3. It is pretty darn cute watching a bunch of 5 year-olds jumping around like crazed lunatics. Even the high-pitched screaming is somehow inexplicably cute. (Maybe 'cause we were outside).

The fact that I am writing this should make it fairly clear that I am still leaning towards the kidding side of the fence.

Another Big Step Today

2011-06-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally spoke with an adoption agency today that helps with both international and domestic adoptions. It was quite informative and the person with whom I spoke was lovely in every respect. She was honest, intelligent and very understanding.

Here's what I learned:

Things can change on a dime from country-to-country in terms of rules and restrictions. While the Ukraine would've been a good option for John and I to consider about a month or so ago, as of two weeks or so ago, it isn't.

That said, if we do adopt, we're certainly going to have to be fairly open-minded and flexible.

China's out by the way - definitively. Even if we were 100% sure as of today that we absolutely want to have a child, there would be a MINIMUM 5 year wait there.

Anyway, sounds like there are viable options for us, which is good. Let's just hope it stays that way.

Today's conversation with the agency was also great in that it eliminated many of my top concerns respecting whether or not anyone would even ALLOW John and I to adopt - namely that we destroyed our credit while trying to keep the house and then short selling it - and the fact that we live in a two-bedroom apartment. Well, evidently, it doesn't matter. So long as we have a safe home and can demonstrate that we can afford to have a child, we're good-to-go.

We also spoke about private domestic adoption. I had never even given this thought. Unfortunately, it's probably not an option for us, because the birth mother chooses the parents-to-be, and you don't get to select your child's gender. Plus, she will probably have some role in the child's life - even if it is just an annual letter from us letting her know we haven't killed it yet. Pretty sure I'm not okay with that - and I'm almost 100% positive John wouldn't be either.

So, today was a good step... in the right direction? Well, that I can't necessarily say... yet. I have to admit I had fun speaking with them. Kind of made the prospect much more real.

As for the pic - I really couldn't find anything else fitting. Having happened upon it though, kinda makes me think I should be reading something like it.

Secret Gender

2011-05-25T17:10:00.000-07:00

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/05/25/6715267-he-she-or-it-family-keeps-babys-gender-a-secret?GT1=43001

Saw this story and sat around scratching my head for a bit.

I have a very lovely friend who is about to give birth any second - and both she and her husband decided not to learn the gender of the baby... until it's born. They are affectionately referring to it as "The Clone" for now. Once the baby is born however, they will undoubtedly tell everyone they know whether or not The Clone is a boy or a girl.

The couple featured on The Today Show however has decided not to tell their latest addition what he or she is, and nor are they sharing that information with anyone else.

Again, I just keep scratching my head here. I understand the idea of not forcing gender identity on a child, but I kind-of feel like this is a wee bit extreme. How old will the child be before it knows what it is? Do its siblings know? What happens when the child goes to preschool and other kids want to know if it is a boy or a girl? When the child can't answer, I imagine the other kids will think that's odd, and it could affect the child's friend prospects, right?

Again, I understand the idea of not imposing anything on a child... letting it be free to figure things out on its own... but at some point, the child will discover the difference between male and female genitalia - and I can't help but wonder if it might wind up being disappointed if it wished it had the other kind.

Take Chaz Bono - I totally get it. He was a she and just wasn't into that, so he took action and became the he that he is today. Fantastic. I don't really think hiding a child's gender is ultimately going to help it fully figure things out - and actually might inadvertently hinder the process rather than help - or, at the very least, create some serious confusion down the line.

I could be dead wrong. This is just an initial impression. I appreciate progressive thinking, but for now, my inkling is that this is too much.

Thoughts?

It's been a year!

2011-05-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

Well, a year and two days since I started this blog on Mother's Day of 2010.

How time flies.

Mother's Day is interesting to me for a variety of reasons. This year, it was particularly interesting on account of the fact that immediately prior, I wasn't on speaking terms with either of my parents.

The day I wrote my last post about that little issue, John pointed out that it was clearly eating at me, and that I should probably just be the one to extend the olive branch, even if I wasn't the one at fault.

So, I slept on it, (essentially knowing he was right), and decided to give my mom a ring the next morning. Needless to say, this made her incredibly happy.

Anyway, I came home feeling better - and was greeted by John and the puppies, who had purchased flowers and a little gift for me - to celebrate mommy day, (that's the one for pups).

LOVED IT.

That being said, one year later, and while we're pretty certain that if we kid, we'll be adopting, and we're relatively certain that we will eventually want to take the plunge, we're still not 100% certain about anything - and therefore have absolutely no idea when it even might happen. Circumstances are still a bit too volatile... and thus the blog lives on.

Parental Predicament

2011-05-04T09:02:00.000-07:00

So, I find myself in a rather bizarre situation at the moment - one in which I haven't been before.

I haven't spoken to my parents in two weeks. Actually, two weeks and a day to be precise. There have been heated emails exchanged however those have also ceased. (I didn't receive a reply to my last email, which I thought was relatively diplomatic. Guess I thought wrong).

Thing is, I never expected to be in this position. I never expected to get to a breaking point with my own parents where I decided I finally had to put my foot down about something and hold my ground. (Admittedly, I didn't exactly approach this issue in the most graceful manner imaginable, but like I said, I hit a breaking point).

Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that for quite some time, years in fact, John and I have dreaded going over to the parents' place for dinner.

This is NOT to say that we don't like or love them - but rather that when we visit, we've found them to be in a state that is, more often than not, very tense, stressed and, well... unpleasant. I do a lot of tongue biting during these outings, and John does everything in his power to keep me from saying something that I might regret later.

I know I'm being incredibly vague here, and I'm probably being vague out of paranoia that they'll read this, even though I'm not even sure they know it exists, and even though only one of them knows how to use a computer, but nevertheless... PARANOID.

That being said, it's been an interesting couple of weeks. Part of me has enjoyed what has essentially been a vacation from my parents. During this time, John and I also, (coincidentally), started a detoxification diet - and have literally eliminated every single "bad" thing imaginable from our diets including caffeine, alcohol, carbs, (other than fruit and veggies), soy, dairy, corn, gluten, nuts and everything/anything artificial and/or processed. It has literally and figuratively been a 'cleansing' of sorts... ( and though I despise that word, it is quite appropriate right now). The other part of me hates that I'm not speaking to my parents. I hate how they think of me right now - I don't really feel the insults they've hurled at me have been fair or deserved, (particularly as I'm the one who expressed a grievance - a major anomaly - in the first place), and I hate that I suspect that they've got the same attitude as me right now... that being that there's no way in hell they're gonna extend an olive branch here - and neither am I.

Yet of course, that part of me that has always been the family peacekeeper is literally SCREAMING at me saying, "Leigh - this is not how you behave. Be the bigger person... reach out to them and at the very least, call a truce."

Well, I've been ignoring those screams - which is a huge break from the norm for me. I really, truly feel that I'm completely justified in keeping my foot down here, for once.

So, what does this have to do with having kids? Well, certainly, it makes me think about how I'd feel if I were the parent in this particular situation and admittedly, I think it would suck big time... but I do feel that as the parent, I would go out of my way to resolve this, and sadly, I'm just not getting that from either of mine.

***Note: The above image has nothing to do with the content of this blog. I just thought it was amusing that I image googled "angry parents" and this came up. I quite like this drawing. Who wouldn't want a pet armadillo? I think I might also have to revisit the website I found it on, www.therevisionaries.com, and hope that they don't sue me for posting it. Also, it appears the website is run by a group of children's book writers... at least one of whom appears to be a bestselling children's book author. Must investigate.

To Breastfeed or Not to Breastfeed

2011-04-28T11:01:00.001-07:00

Before I write this, having looked at recent, (and not so recent) posts of mine... I have to imagine there are parents reading this thinking something along the lines of "Where does this woman get off? She's never had kids, has virtually no experience with kids, (or any that we know of anyway), and here she is spouting off about what parents should and shouldn't do... what's right and what's wrong... and so on and so forth."

And, I kind of don't blame anyone for thinking that, but here's the deal, I'm an opinionated gal, so experience or not... chances are, I've got something to say about whatever it is. I've never been President either, but I can tell you that I've got some serious opinions about politics and what a President should or shouldn't be... but I digress.

That said, I haven't blogged in a while because I've been too damn busy. So, I was happy when an old friend of mine suggested a topic... breastfeeding. He wanted to know what other people's take on the matter is. In this particular case, I don't have a strong opinion one way or the other, given that I've never done it and have read so many differing opinions on the matter, that I wouldn't even know where to start. It's kind of like whether or not coffee is good or bad for you, if cell phones cause brain tumors, or if artificial sweeteners will kill you or preserve you like a fossil for the rest of time. The debate rages on. There are still people who say breast feeding is by far much healthier for a multitude of reasons, but others who say it makes no difference whatsoever.

I am inclined to think breastfeeding is the way to go, (particularly given my devotion to organic everything nowadays), but much like every other woman on the planet with any amount of vanity, the thought of how it allegedly wreaks havoc on your bosom is very, very disconcerting. Why women have to suffer all the collateral damage from pregnancy is beyond me.

Anyway, I have heard that the husbands of the women who breastfeed are almost ALL holding on to hope that their wives will eventually correct the problem, (as in, saggy, deflated boobs that have lost their luster).

So, I'm curious, (mostly for my friend's sake), as to whether or not you think breastfeeding is/was/would be worth it, and whether or not you would do something about the unhappy boobs issue after the fact, (if you're the woman doing the breastfeeding), or if you're the guy who is secretly, (or not so secretly), hoping your honey will hop on the breast lift bandwagon.

ALL COMMENTS/THOUGHTS WELCOME!!!

Parents should PARENT

2011-04-19T09:57:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/19/granderson.children.dress/index.html?hpt=P1&iref=NS1

I think this gent sums it up quite nicely.

Parents should parent.

I know we will if we opt to kid.

Maggie's First Word = Irresistably Cute

2011-04-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

John and I were just discussing this ridiculously adorable episode of The Simpsons and lo-and-behold, they re-aired it again last night, no doubt because of Elizabeth's Taylor's role as Maggie who utters her first word, "Daddy."

This is yet another reason I think we might have to kid.

And it gets even worse. BOTOX FOR BABIES?!?

2011-03-29T17:24:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2011/03/29/exp.pn.mom.injects.botox.hln?hpt=C2
I can't even really comment on this without wanting to cry.

Of course she's from California. Makes me so proud!

UGH!

Elf Ears, Push Up Bikinis for Babies and Facebook Depression

2011-03-28T14:23:00.001-07:00

This morning, I saw the piece on the news about how Abercrombie & Fitch may have crossed the line with their new push up bikinis for 7 year-olds. May have???

Then, I saw this post: http://www.momlogic.com/2010/09/teen_trend_elf_ears.php, (which I was relieved to see was actually from late 2010, so maybe this "trend" isn't that real after all and we can chalk this up to a small handful of silly wannabe elfin kids with way-too-lenient-parents).

And then I saw this: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42298789/ns/health-mental_health/

It's bad enough that plenty of adults are out there assuming that all of their Facebook "friends" are living picture-perfect, idyllic, Utopian lives - but it's far worse that kids are suffering from depression thanks to an online popularity contest on top of the one they have to contend with at school every day. Makes me want to tell every parent to allow their kids to watch the episode of South Park I've posted below, so they can develop a very clear understanding, very early on, of how silly Facebook ultimately is.

In short, Kyle "friends" the wrong person on Facebook, and all of his friends abandon him as a result. When he becomes desperate for just one person to friend him, he turns to Stan. But when Stan tries to help, his Facebook account goes rogue, and he finds himself in the digital realm forced to battle his own profile.

http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s14e04-you-have-0-friends

Here's a snippet:

Anyway, my point is that the concept of having kids is getting scarier and scarier, if only for the fact that they are being exposed to WAY too much at WAY too young an age... and I know that every generation says this about the next - but seriously folks... push up bikinis for 7 year-olds? I think we've hit a new low.

Girly Girls!

2011-03-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

So I have an old friend from summer camp who writes for parenting.com and who also writes her own blog, where she recently posted this:

http://www.karmacontinued.com/2011/03/butterfly-wings.html

I actually teared up reading this because of its overall cuteness and how heart-wrenchingly brilliant and wonderful it is. In fact, I'll admit it. I just read it to my husband, (second reading for me), and started bawling and flapping my hands in front of my face to try to stop the tears from falling. Why we women think that flapping our hands in front of our faces will do ANYTHING is beyond me, and yet, we continue to hope... but I digress.

I loved her post for so many reasons (in no particular order):

1. She's a great writer.

2. Her daughter is so cute and I love that she's going through a super girly girl phase.

3. I love that she drove all over Los Angeles to track down butterfly wings for her daughter at the last minute. (For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of driving in Los Angeles, trust me when I tell you that this had to have been a veritable nightmare for her).

4. Just reading about her daughter's reaction to the butterfly wings brought me to tears... twice.

Anyway, this post, combined with a recent visit with my girlfriend Jacqui and her 6-month old son Nathaniel, has started to push me towards that we should eventually adopt a little girl side of the fence again.

I'm sure that in another day or so however, something will push me right back to where I was before, which will be right in the middle, which will mean the kid debate rages on. Although, upon second reading of my friend's post, I'm really not so sure anymore.

In the meantime, I have to admit that holding Nathaniel wasn't nearly as scary as I thought it would be, and was actually an absolute pleasure. I even offered to babysit. Getting an adorable tiny person to smile is very, very cool.

So, that's two votes for kidding and no votes against kidding this week.

I've Been Pressured by the Shoe Repairman to Have Children

2011-03-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

Now that we're settled into the new pad, I'm feeling pretty darn fantastic. We have so much more space and no horrendous upstairs neighbor to drive us completely out of our minds. Even though I had to run a crazy number of errands on Saturday, and John had to work, I still relished our weekend. It was AWESOME for so many reasons.

Only one thing has been bothering me about it - and that would be the shoe repair ordeal. One of my errands on Saturday was to get my favorite pair of black platform heels repaired. I adore them and wear them INCESSANTLY, and likewise, managed to do quite a number on them. So, off to the shoe repair I went.

This nice, polite asian man named Lee runs the place, and I've been there before. He does great work - and I was excited to leave my precious pumps in his hands to restore them to their fabulousness. The first time I was there, the process was quite simple. Here are my shoes. They need help. Please fix them. And he did. Simple. Inexpensive. Well-done.

NOT SO THIS TIME! He started interrogating me about my life. It started with the fact that we both share the same name: Leigh, although his is Lee. He wrote Lee on my little receipt and was talking about how there are so many people with the name Lee... not just asians either... people everywhere. And yes, he's right. Lee is a very common name across the board - Actually, I have lamented about the fact that it's a common first, middle AND last name... and seems to be very popular amongst very unpopular people like murderers: Lee Harvey Oswald, Henry Lee Lucas, Derrick Todd Lee, Robert Lee Yates, Daniel Lee Siebert... the list goes on. So, one might understand my predilection towards pointing out that yes, my name is Lee, but it's actually spelled Leigh. And since this guy has the THICKEST accent I think I've ever heard in my life, I decided to point that distinction out by showing him my drivers license.

NEVER DO THIS!

He examined it in detail, noting my age, (34), along with the spelling. I then SAW HIM glance at my left hand, where he noted that I was married. Then he said, "You have kids?" I said, "No... not yet, and maybe not ever." He said, "How old husband?" I said, "40." He said, "Oh. You no wait too long." That was the last part I actually understood. I am NOT exaggerating when I say that he continued to talk about this for another 10 minutes, during which I just kept nodding my head because I seriously didn't understand almost anything he was saying. I knew he was still on the topic of kids - and he even touched on adopting from China, but that was pretty much it. At some point, I had to take my keys out of my purse and slightly turn towards the door to indicate that I wanted to leave.

He is a sweet, sweet man - but I don't want my local shoe repairman, no matter how sweet, stressing me out about if and/or when to have children. Is there no escaping this nonsense?!?!?!?

Perhaps the above sign would be appropriate for Lee as well.

Ugh.

If I Kid...

2011-03-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

Don't ask how I found this, but if I had a little girl, I would totally want her to have a treehouse bed like this one. TOO CUTE FOR WORDS! This is a DIY I believe - and you can find out for yourself here: www.theslowlifenc.blogspot.com

I Vote For Casey

2011-03-16T13:04:00.000-07:00

Okay we all know I'm not a parent... but this kid was punched three times, (twice in the face and all while other people were just watching and/or recording the incident doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING), before he took the bully down.

I think he did the right thing. When did defending yourself become wrong? He took the kid down and walked away. He could've easily punched or kicked him once he had overtaken him, but he didn't. HE WALKED AWAY. Had Casey not done anything, the bully clearly would've kept going at him.

Look, I don't condone violence, but this kid really did go too far. Unless I'm missing some major components of the story here... (e.g., Casey had bullied the other kid previously), I'm with Casey on this one and his suspension is ridiculous.

Rahna Reiko Rizzuto - Selfish or Sensational?

2011-03-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

When I get ready for work in the morning, I usually listen to The Today Show. This week, they had a guest, Rahna Reiko Rizzuto, who decided to spend six months in Japan having been awarded a grant that her husband encouraged her to apply for, only to discover in Japan that she not only wanted a divorce from her husband, but she also wanted to parent on a part-time basis.

It is very, very easy to pass quick, harsh judgment on this woman. Who in their right mind decides to have kids only to decide later on, (while her two boys are still in their young, formative years), that full-time motherhood really isn't for her - and that she really only had children because her husband wanted them?

Certainly my knee-jerk reaction would be to call this woman a compltely heartless, selfish bitch. I mean, who in their right mind has children and while they're still quite young, (3 and 5 years old), decides to up and leave them?

Well, fortunately, I did my homework here and came to discover that while this woman may not be the ideal mother as we define it societally, she is far from being evil - and in fact, may be on to something.

She met her former husband at the age of 17 and they were together for 20 years. While they didn't have children until she was in her 30s, their marriage had already lasted far longer than most - and they had been together for the vast majority of their ENTIRE lives.

Given my own experience, I am thrilled that I didn't marry too young. I feel that my cumulative experiences living independently overseas, going to school across the country, dating other people etc. eventually led me to the perfect person for me at precisely the right age for me to be ready. Clearly, Rahna didn't get to have experiences similar to my own. In fact, she had never even lived on her own until she decided to accept the grant in Japan at the age of 37!

She also never wanted to be a mother. Okay, this is where things get a little sticky and it is hard not to be a big judgmental, because if she never wanted kids, she never should've had them. This is exactly why I spend inordinate amounts of time thinking about whether or not I truly do or don't want children. Fortunately for me, that perfect man I married is very open-minded and ultimately will support whether I, (and thus we), decided to kid. That said, Rahna married the man she believed to be the love of her life - and he desperately wanted children. So much so, that he promised to "take care of everything..." and essentially be the primary caregiver. I believe that when you love someone, you want to give them everything/anything they want - and I think that is essentially what happened here. He probably begged and pleaded with her to have children for years - and finally got his way. While I don't think this was an ideal scenario to produce children, the bottom line is that it happened. They brought two boys into this world, and were/are responsible for them.

That being said, I think Rahna raises an interesting point in the article she wrote for salon.com that is best summarized with the following quotes:

"I was afraid of being swallowed up, of being exhausted, of opening my eyes one day, 20 (or 30!) years after they were born, and realizing I had lost myself and my life was over."

"My problem was not with my children, but with how we think about motherhood. About how a male full-time caretaker is a "saint," and how a female full-time caretaker is a "mother." It is an equation we do not question; in fact we insist on it. And we punish the very idea that there are other ways to be a mother."

Rahna had children - and hadn't fully considered or realized the ramifications of doing so until after the fact. Would it have been better for her to have thought these things through beforehand? Sure. But does this make her a bad mother now? Not necessarily. She feels that her relationship with her children has improved since she's become a part-time mom, and gets to be that idyllic mother of the 50s with fresh baked cookies at the ready when her kids come over to visit.

Ultimately, I think Rahna made the right choice. Should she have had children to begin with? Probably not, but things don't always go according to plan. My own mother believed she wanted children, and had my brother and I - and not too many months ago after a glass of champagne, confided in me that maybe she wasn't cut out to be a mother after all. This is NOT to say she doesn't love my brother and I... she just did what was expected... got married, had kids... called it a day. Had she been born a few decades later, I don't think she would've had us! Obviously, I'm happy to be here, but certainly, all of this makes you think... or at least it makes me think... even more than I already am.

Yikes.

Kids are Depressing... Great!

2011-03-01T15:25:00.000-08:00

http://www.livescience.com/7009-kids-depressing-study-parents-finds.html

You know, just when I think I'm inching closer to a decision to have kids, (someday), something like this comes along that once again, stops me dead in my tracks. (Funny how things work like that isn't it)?

Anyway, this article basically states that parents have more to worry about and have significantly higher levels of depression than their childless peers.

I particularly love the last sentence of this piece, "People should really think about whether they want to do this or not."

Well I am... and it's NOT helping!

Needless to say however, this whole concept of having kids and being depressed, more worrisome, etc. than I already am is NOT attractive.

Yikes.

Children in Los Angeles

2011-02-09T11:10:00.000-08:00

So we're moving... again. Unfortunately, the place we moved into post short sale of our Encino home proved problematic for two reasons:

1. NO closet space. I kid you not, between John and I, we have been sharing a closet for BOTH of our wardrobes that has been approximately the size of a women's public bathroom stall at a store like Target. (Not the ones reserved for the disabled or baby changers mind you - I'm talking about the ones that I can barely fit into as an average sized human being).

2. Our upstairs neighbor. (And she is the far bigger problem here). She is a spoiled Loyola Marymount University student who has made our lives a living hell since she moved into the apartment right above us about 9 months ago. We have lost countless nights of sleep thanks to this little inconsiderate selfish witch - who stays up all hours of the night - and literally drops things on her floor that we can only surmise are dumbbells on account of what they do to our roof, our walls, our dogs... as well as us. Not to mention everything else she pulls up there.

Her daddy pays her rent, (mind you, rent is NOT cheap in this place), and denies time and time again, (despite our repeat complaints), that his precious little angel could possibly be doing anything wrong. In fact, he indicated that John and I were out to harass her. Right, 'cause that's what we spend our time doing as 30 and 40-something professionals.

So, after 5 months of complaining, we were finally told we needed to prove that she was up to no good. Thanks for the heads up Management! We called security - and this time, after they spent over an hour in our apartment marveling at the incessant noise coming from upstairs, they filed a two page report about her antics. One would've assumed that this would've been sufficient to perhaps consider eviction - but of course it wasn't. We were then told to somehow record her excessive noise and to call the police instead of security. (What's the point of security then)? Well, we didn't feel like investing in the caliber of recording equipment that would've picked this particular brand of noise up - but we did call the police. Guess what they told us? They wouldn't come unless the noise could be heard from the street. Back to square one. Wheeeeee!!!

4 months later, (and 9 months since this nonsense began), after what has to have been 50+ noise complaints, countless visits from security in the wee hours of the night for them to hear what we have been privy to on a daily basis, and months of research into finding a new place where we will have significantly more closet space and will be on the top floor of the building, we've been given the right to terminate our lease early.

VICTORY!

What does this have to do with children?

Well, almost nothing - however having gone through all of this, two things have occurred to me:

1. A two bedroom apartment is probably far more conducive to raising children in Los Angeles - though still not a great scenario.

2. The idea of raising children in Los Angeles is becoming less and less attractive, so the above point may be moot regardless. L.A. was just ranked (again), as having the worst air quality in the country - and supposedly by 2033 another 9 million more people may be living here. If this is what the air quality looks like now, can you even begin to imagine what it's gonna look like then. I swear, I might as well be smoking a pack a day... oh wait... I probably am by simply living here.

In any case, we've still got a long road ahead of us in terms of making any major decisions - but the good news is that we will now be in much improved living quarters. We may actually be able to entertain again!

In closing, I'd like to say that I really do hope karma exists - and works as its supposed to.

The Adoption Process is Dizzying

2011-02-04T12:16:00.000-08:00

So as previously mentioned, 34 is coming up fast. In fact, it'll be here in 12 days.

That said, I've actually started looking into the whole adoption process since the last post.I've had a conversation with my lovely friend Georgene, (who is definitely adopting), and it's been fairly fun starting to poke around and get a feel for what's what.

No, this does NOT mean that we've decided one way or the other yet.

The process in certain places, (like the U.S. and China), seems incredibly lengthy, challenging and daunting. This is just a preliminary assessment - but that's the feeling I've walked away with.

Very preliminary assessment on the prospect of adopting from Russia... not so bad! In fact, if the websites I'm looking to are correct, you can actually go through the entire adoption process and bring a child into your home in as little as 4 months to a year. It sounds a little too good to be true, but if it is true, I think it might be a good idea to adopt from there. Frankly, I don't want to be caught up in 3 - 5 years of paperwork, interviews, classes, travel, etc. for that long. And then what if it didn't work out? Yikes.

I'm not a patient person to begin with. John knows this all too well about me. I don't like waiting for ANYTHING... EVER. That said, if we get to that point where we're both thinking - let's do this - then I'm probably going to be more impatient than I've ever been in my entire life - so the shorter the process, the better.

It just occurred to me that impatience is not the best quality to pass on to a child, but maybe the whole adoption process will help rein mine in a bit. Who knows?

One other thing occurred to me while reading about domestic and international adoption. If we do this - and go the international route, we're both going to have to travel for what can be weeks at a time on more than one occasion. The idea of being away from our puppies for that long makes me very, very unhappy. They would be traumatized and I don't know if I could forgive myself for that. Might have to bring them along? How hard is it to travel internationally with two small pups?

Getting ahead of myself here I suppose...

The Death of Cursive... Almost!

2011-01-27T09:37:00.000-08:00

So John asked me whether or not I saw a piece on the morning news yesterday about how a number of states are nixing cursive from the school curriculum. Well, I did - and I remember thinking that it was sad, (because any form of handwriting can be so pretty), but that it made total sense.

I think it's absurd that our schools still operate the way they do. Teaching cursive to children when virtually nobody writes anything by hand anymore? Just plain silly. What a waste of time. No wonder we're falling behind education-wise in contrast to other countries. We're still insisting on teaching our kids in precisely the same manner they did a hundred years ago, (oh... except I believe many schools have eliminated or reduced Phys. Ed. classes even though our children are now obese). It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Why are we forcing children who excel in English, but who perform dismally in Math and Science to continue learning those subjects above and beyond the basics? For example, why does any high schooler who has consistently performed poorly in math have to take more math courses regardless of the fact that he/she may have already decided to go to college for something that will never, ever require advanced math skills? And, it doesn't end there. Some colleges still require that students take math courses as part of their core curriculum as well. In fact, I was subjected to this torture at NYU, where, as a Liberal Arts student in the College of Arts and Sciences, I had to take this ridiculously difficult math course called Quantitative Reasoning. Okay, I didn't HAVE to, but if I wanted to avoid even MORE math courses, that was the ONLY way out. So, I mustered my way through it, but I BARELY passed. In fact, the vast majority of the students who took it failed.

Can someone please tell me what the point of that was? The course consisted of the most complicated word problems I'd ever encountered in my life. By the time I finished reading one, I had to read it about 3 - 5 more times before I could even begin to wrap my head around it and I remember thinking that I could not come up with one reason as to why I needed that course. I knew I would never be involved in any type of career where such complicated math problems would relate.

Anyway, my point is that our education system SUCKS and we're all still paying for it. I realize there's no chance in the world that our education system will ever go private, but since we're stuck with public education, I think it's high time that they FIX IT already. The fact that cursive is still a requirement in any schools is positively ludicrous.

Look, I'm not a teacher, or a parent, but I think anyone can look at the way our schools still operate and say that a lot needs to change if our children are going to remain competitive.

Why can't parents, teachers and school counselors start teaching kids more important life skills in school - and try to hone in on childrens' best skill sets, (particularly once they've hit high school), to at least attempt to guide them to a better career path based on their particular skills, interests, etc.? Why aren't there shop or home ec classes anymore? What if that's precisely what a child was meant to do as opposed to learning European History? Speaking of which, I took AP European History in High School - and ALL I remember was that my teacher, Lance Tapper enjoyed showing us Bugs Bunny Cartoons to teach us about the great composers, (that part was cool), but ask me any trivia style question about what transpired in European History, and I can pretty much guarantee that I won't know the answer. For whatever reason, I didn't retain a single thing, despite the fact that I believe I earned an A in that class and received college credit. Does this make me an idiot? If I hadn't learned history would I be doomed to repeat it? Somehow I don't think so.

The funny thing about the news story was that the anchors discussing it noted that a handful of states have eliminated cursive thus far - California, (where the anchors were), had not.

I'm Turning 34 Next Month

2011-01-18T15:03:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that I am turning 34 next month. 34 is the age I promised I would start pursuing the whole adoption thing, knowing that it may take years. Thing is, 34 came rather quickly - and truth be told, it's freaking me out a bit. John and I are still uncertain about them overall, and we're still nowhere near ready for kids, but the reality is that we want the choice - and so we have to start the process soon.

I was hoping that our lives would've been a bit different by now... but circumstances have been what they've been. The economy totally threw us for a loop, something we were completely under-prepared for but learned from, however we're still picking up the pieces. Essentially, we couldn't afford to have kids right now even if we wanted to. Everyone says you just "figure it out," but I'm not sure if I believe that. We're still struggling to pay off debt we racked up trying to keep a house we wound up having to sell - and are still trying to create a financial cushion for ourselves as well, just in case we both find ourselves in precarious unemployment scenario once again.

It's a lot to process, but I think I'm going to stick to my guns on the promise of getting started this year, so that we can, at the very least, have it going, regardless of what we ultimately decide.

I Have This Sinking Suspicion That Death Sucks

2010-08-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

I am petrified of death... or perhaps just the dying part. Either way, I'm none to thrilled with the fact that I just won't be here anymore one day. I know how absurd this is... and for all I know, death is just plain nothingness, which I guess wouldn't be too terrible assuming you're simply not aware of anything anymore. Unfortunately to me however, that's kind-of the scariest potential reality. I would literally prefer to be a ghost, or something somewhere that can still process thought and take in whatever reality exists at that point.

I've been afraid of death for the vast majority of my 33 years. Even as a little kid, I always thought I was dying from something. I guess that was the Jewish alarmist in me, but it is a wee bit strange for a little kid to be so afraid of something they shouldn't really even be thinking about. Isn't that one of the joys of childhood? Being a bit fearless? I never was.

To this day the whole fear of death thing can be a bit debilitating from time-to-time. Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night and am too tired to get up to read, I lay in bed and think about death. I worry about the possibility of dying in my sleep for who knows what reason? Morbid, I know.

I can't help but point a finger at my parents for this one.

When I was about 5, my family flew to Chicago for the funeral of my great grandmother Rose. She lived a nice long life free of any major illnesses. I think she was in her 90s. Lucky broad. I didn't yet know what a funeral was... let alone what death and dying meant. I was then an inquisitive happy-go-lucky little girl and likewise, I was restless and bored during the proceedings. At some point, I jumped out of my seat and demanded to know what was in the box. My parents thought this was hilarious and it brought a bit of light and humor to the macabre occasion. Little did I know that in that box was a dead person. I am convinced that's when everything changed.

The reason I'm writing this, is because I have spent ample time thinking about how I would talk to potential children of mine about death... when I would talk to them about it, what I would say, etc. I think I would almost want to over-compensate for the fact that I don't think I ever received the death talk. Nobody told me that dying is part of life... that we all die one day - and that it's inevitable. I think my parents, like many parents assume religion serves as the comfort... but it never did for me.

Perhaps I'm mistaken. Maybe my parents did give me the death talk and I blocked it out or ignored it. I don't know. Either way, I know that I"m not a big fan of the dying thing - and if we do kid, the last thing I want for them is to have the same morbid, scared, neurotic, crazed perspective on it that I have.

Fortunately, I'm married to a wonderful guy who has a significantly healthier perspective on the subject. He tries to help me get over the fear on a regular basis. In fact, come to think of it, if we kid, I'll let him handle that topic when appropriate.

On a semi-side note, I enjoy horror movies and books about serial killers.

Hmm...

Are Kids Like Tattoos?

2010-08-18T11:17:00.000-07:00

This to kid or not to kid debate is overwhelming enough for so many reasons... but then there's the whole debate about whether or not to have more than one child if you do opt to kid!

As a sibling, (I have an older brother), I was previously inclined to say that two is a good idea. Today not so much - mostly due to the rather excessive costs of raising a child. Who has enough money?

Anyway I'm still on the fence. My brother is 4 1/2 years older than I, so we weren't exactly pals until we were much older and yet, I was always happy he was around. He introduced me to horror movies at a young age, (which I think played a rather significant role in my overall tastes/psyche), tortured me the way only an older brother can, (including trying to force me to eat a doggy biscuit and tickling me until I'd pee), and getting in just enough trouble on a regular enough basis that my parents were way too preocuppied with him to delve too deeply into what I was up to... which enabled me to get into my own version of trouble off of their radar once I was well into my teens.

Today, we get along pretty darn well, which is nice. I'm still glad he's around.

That said, if John and I have kids, can we get away with just having one? Are kids like tattoos, where if you get one you want more?

I think it's interesting that as I started writing this, I also did a google image search for "only child" (hoping to find something visual to steal to pair with this piece), and came across this:

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html

I could go on and on about the comments/ideas in this piece which mostly revolve around debunking the myth of the only child being any one number of terrible things... but this is a blog and I've got to keep it in check... so let me just say this:

It is absurd that people are still ostracized for not having kids - and equally as absurd that people who choose to have only one are constantly harangued by countless other people to have more.

The hardest thing about having kids according to Louis C.K.

2010-08-14T08:30:00.000-07:00

Sadly, I don't think many people are watching Louis C.K.'s new show "Louie." It's a bit dark a bit cerebral and a bit scattered. I watched the first episode thinking, WTF? This isn't that great, but John and I kept watching and I've found that I am enjoying it more and more with every new episode.

Anyway, the last episode began with Louis' stand-up and it went a little something like this:

"The hardest thing about having kids is just the days that you spend with them. That's really the hardest part. It's every day. It's getting up at 6 o'clock in the morning. First of all, I have to get them dressed. If that's the only thing I get done, I'll be okay, 'cause if I show up with two naked kids, I'll go to jail."

Sounds a bit bleak, right? But then he says this:

"When they're not with me I get depressed. I tend to fall into a spiral of uselessness."

Immediately after wrapping that bit, he drops the kids off at his ex-wife's place and goes on a serious pizza and ice cream bender.

Anyway, this resonated with me because I think I get it. Once you have kids - there's part of you that's like... ohmygod. I have to deal with this little human being now every single day, on top of dealing with myself. And I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating at times... but at the same time, you're so in love with the little bugger that the thought of not having them to 'deal with' is pretty devastating.

Another argument in favor of kidding?

If I can't keep this up, where am I ever going to find time to raise kids?!?

2010-08-12T15:25:00.001-07:00

So if I don't have time to keep up a simple blog, where on earth am I ever going to find the time to have children? How do parents who both hold-down full-time jobs do it? (Without the help of a nanny that is). I don't get it.

John and I both work full-time - and often put in overtime, and I can't imagine that's going to change anytime soon. I suppose it's a good thing then that if we do opt to do the kid thing, we aren't planning on doing so for 3 - 4 years from now. I guess that's about how much time we have to figure out how we'd manage. We're pretty much anti-nanny. I don't really want someone else raising my kids. It's not that I think it's terrible or wrong, but for John and I, it just wouldn't be our preference. Besides, I don't trust anybody with our pups, who the hell would I trust with our kids?

What's even more frustrating is the fact that since we've elected to adopt, we have to start the process within the next year or so 'cause we'll probably be adopting internationally and that whole thing takes a gagillion years. So, even though we're not quite mentally prepared for kids yet, or even 100% certain we're going to have them, we have to pretend that we are. Should be interesting...

Obese Teenagers

2010-08-03T09:44:00.000-07:00

So this is relatively 'old' news by now, but I've been busy with actual work and haven't had five free seconds to talk about this, but I have got to say my peace.

This business of Southwest Airlines booting a petite 5'1" 110 lb. passenger to accommodate an obese 14 year-old girl who required two seats while her parents had only paid for one, is quite upsetting, particularly as they had recently booted filmmaker Kevin Smith due to the fact that he too was too large to fit into one seat himself. Unfortunately, the situation there was vastly different. Smith had originally purchased two seats, but opted to fly standby on an earlier flight where only one seat remained. Perhaps not the best decision, considering he's well-aware of his heft, but nobody objected, until he was seated and was then asked to leave. To add insult to injury, Smith claims to have seen someone far larger than he on the very same flight, who was permitted to remain on-board.

In this case however, we're talking about a 14 year-old female who could not comfortably fit into one seat. Nevertheless, rather than boot her from the plane, they booted a petite woman, (who also chose to fly standby), but would've only taken up one free seat. The only reason she was booted was because the seat was free thanks to the kid's parents who failed to pay for the extra space.

I suppose what I'm getting at here, is that if you're going to impose a policy wherein you require that passengers who don't fit comfortably into one seat purchase two, then enforce it in a very black and white manner with no exception.

As for the parents of this kid, well... they're probably either

a) in denial
b) irresponsible
c) obese
d) negligent or
e) all of the above

If your kid is actually classified as obese, you're probably doing something quite wrong.

More Women Childless...Hmm...

2010-07-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

Amanda Marcotte penned this article for Slate - http://www.slate.com/id/2259822/
and it addresses what is evidently becoming increasingly common. More women are simply choosing to forgo having children.

Amanda, 32, (one year my junior), is evidently experiencing precisely what I am... that every other woman I know is pregnant or planning to be. So where are these women who've opted not to kid? They must be out there... because the Pew Research Center study demonstrates that the number of women who aren't going to have children has nearly doubled since 1976. 18% of the female population just isn't going to procreate. That's nearly 1 in 5 women.

To me, this is astonishing. Nearly every woman I know is planning to have children.

What might be more compelling however, is the fact that 38% of Americans denounce childlessness as, "bad for society." WHAT?!? How is this bad for society? With so many people having oodles of children - popping out babies like popcorn, aren't those people compensating for the ones who aren't having any?

What am I missing here?

Even if there weren't countless people having far too many kids, (many of whom can't even afford them), there are people who believe that this trend may bring about the end of Western civilization.

Somehow, I don't think that's gonna happen.

I do believe that more and more women, (including myself), are taking the time to explore the option, rather than diving right in. With study after study indicating that children decrease the quality of marriage, and many mothers admitting that it isn't quite what they thought it would be, I'm not really that surprised that more women are becoming "childless by choice."

I've touched on this before, but I think it's an interesting phenomenon that women who choose to kid and women who choose not to kid are so polarized. Each camp likes to put themselves on pedestals and insist that their decision was better than the other camp's. It's fairly absurd.

In any case, having a child is a HUGE decision, and I admire those who choose one way or the other, doing what is ultimately best for them without letting societal norms and the influence of others impact their decisions.

You want kids? Great! Don't want kids? Fantastic! Me... still fairly undecided, but attracted to the idea..

The Worst Job I've Ever Had In My Life

2010-07-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

Not long ago, I was working for a company that I am going to refrain from calling out by its actual name, but for the sake of this blog, let's call it "Ass Salon." It was fairly embarrassing to be working for a company of a similar name that I couldn't even share with my Grandma, but at first, the opportunity was not only attractive, it appeared to be a dream job with tons of potential. My bosses seemed to be nice, young, cool individuals who appreciated talent. (I went through five interviews and quite a few tests just to get hired).

Sadly, I couldn't have been more mistaken about the role.

Unfortunately, these people were wolves in sheep's clothing. After the requisite "honeymoon" phase, everything changed. Despite the fact that I was working around the clock, (the red flashing light on the Blackberry a constant reminder that I was on call 24/7), I inevitably wound up being underpaid, under-appreciated, manipulated and lied to on a fairly regular basis.

I was warned by fellow colleagues, but I chose to believe otherwise. I figured that with hard work and determination, I could turn it all around. I would rise to the challenge! I would negate the crappy office environment with a healthy dose of positivity and good cheer! I went so far as to attend a lecture by a "Gen Y Self-Help Guru" (who happened to be a burnt-out publicist herself), at the request of my former boss, who also attended. This was shortly after I had requested a well-deserved raise which I didn't receive. Call it kismet, but at this very lecture, the topic of which was "Knowing Your Worth," my boss leaned over and asked me if I hated her, (after a few nervous giggles).

A month or so later, I was taking 1/4 of a Xanax every morning to prevent the heart palpitations I was having at my desk on a daily basis. I had also started packing on the pounds. After spending nearly a year dropping 40 lbs., I managed to heap 20 back on. Rather than being a thin confident publicist, I became an overweight, overstressed, neurotic freak who could barely keep her head above water.

Operations at the Ass Salon company were a total joke. They had hired a team of talented people and wouldn't let anyone actually do their jobs! A meeting spawned a meeting, that spawned a meeting, that spawned a plan, that spawned a meeting, that spawned another plan, that spawned a few more meetings, and so-on-and-so-forth. It was no wonder that I was literally losing my mind. It was also telling that I had discovered they had gone through 5 or so design firms and 5 or so PR agencies, among other roles in as many years as they had been in business. Clearly nobody was up to snuff.

As a publicist, I am supposed to maintain a certain code of ethics... and refrain from badmouthing clients or colleagues, but for months now, I have needed to get this off of my chest. The bottom line is that I have never, ever been treated as poorly as I was during this time. I've had my fair share of less-than-sensational bosses, but this situation truly resided in a league of its own.

The egomaniacal husband-and-wife team of trolls at Ass Salon literally sucked the life out of me, (along with many others who I grew to respect). After promises that "the hard work would pay off," and frequent reminders that I, "...had a home there," I was essentially laid off. The best part? Those jerkoffs didn't even let me take home my personal belongings, or acquire the massive contact database I'd spent the better part of a year forming relationships with. I was treated like a common criminal, despite the fact that I had kicked serious ass, (no pun intended), in my role there. They determined what they deemed to be my personal belongings and brought them to me in boxes at a local Starbucks. I wasn't even permitted to say goodbye to my coworkers. It was as if I was working for Apple or Cisco, but certainly not the Ass Salon.

I spent a long time second-guessing myself, but came to terms with the fact that I was working for lunatics who were desperately grasping at straws to save their own hides.

Fortunately, I wasn't around for their annual convention of sales reps peddling sex toys clad in all white. That must've been something.

You're probably wondering what on earth this has to do with having children?

Well, one of my then-bosses was evidently pregnant nearly the entire time I was there. Let me just say, I am thrilled that I will not go through that bullshit nine month phase where I blame all of my bitchiness, mood swings and generally shitty attitude on pregnancy and assume I can get away with it.

So, yay me!!! I win! Oh, and I have a kick-ass new gig as well.

(Enjoy the picture of the insanely pregnant Octomom, courtesty of TMZ)

One Major Decision Made, One Major Decision to Go!

2010-07-26T07:49:00.000-07:00

John and I have come to the conclusion that if we do the kid thing, we're adopting. For those of you who have been following this blog, this may not come as a surprise. There are a number of reasons why we'd prefer to adopt:

1. We're not ready for kids yet, and while I'm still only 33, I'll probably be closer to the 37 mark by the time we are in fact. "ready."

2. We'll be saving a life... or two! Fun.

3. We only want girls.

4. My hormonal/weight issues are way too severe for me to mess with, particularly as I get older. No thanks.

So, that said, I'm feeling really good about this. Part of me is a little excited to start the process sometime over the next year or so. After all, we can always back out, but ssshh... don't tell anyone, I don't think we will...

Of course, only time will tell. I have absolutely no clue as to what I'll blog about until then. I've been a bit preoccupied lately with the new job, but I'm sure I'll get re-inspired.

Now, where to consider adopting from?

Suggestions? Pointers? Georgene... are you reading this? How long does the process actually take? Perhaps I do have enough to blog about for the time-being.

Taking a short break...

2010-07-23T13:58:00.001-07:00

...while I settle into my new job. I'll be back with something on Monday, (I hope).

For now, enjoy this ridiculously adorable photo of a Boston Terrier cocking its head. CUUUUUTE!

Friends with Kids

2010-07-18T16:39:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine, Glenn Rosenthal, sent me the attached article, which I thought was pretty intriguing given that I'd been wondering the same thing the article covers myself... Why don't my friends with kids seem to have almost any time? And then I read this - and discovered that perhaps my view of just how much time my friends with kids have, (particularly those who are stay-at-home moms), might be a bit stilted. Nevertheless, I still find myself wondering why I rarely, (if ever), hear from the vast majority of my friends with kids anymore.

I understand that having a child means undivided attention, errands and simple tasks taking far more time than they used to, getting up in the middle of the night...repeatedly, and basically dealing with a never-ending barrage of motherly (or fatherly) duties, but when I've gone months and months on end without hearing from someone, (who I've emailed, called, Facebooked, etc.), I can't help but wonder... are they really that slammed, and if so, why? I have a tough time believing that chores and kid duties would literally take up every second of my day if I weren't working, but clearly, I'm missing something, which is yet another reason I have to think that if John and I do have kids, one of us won't be working... 'cause I don't think I'm down with the nanny thing... but that's just me.

I also can't help but relate to the author of the letter the editor addresses in this piece. I just started a new full time job and can hardly keep up with errands, household chores and our puppies, let alone this blog, so for all of you working moms out there, I give you SERIOUS credit. Crazy amounts of serious, sincere credit.

I've been unfriended! How many more people can I alienate with this blog?

2010-07-13T18:16:00.001-07:00

I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I was "unfriended" by the woman who inspired this post:

http://tokidornottokid.blogspot.com/2010/06/i-get-sense-that-you-guys-really.html

I'm wondering how polarizing this blog really is, and why. Again, what is wrong with doubt and asking a few questions? As a refresher for those of you that are new here, I DID want kids. In fact, I would've bet the farm that I would've been a young mother, but one day, my opinion changed. It's as if everything that said, "HAVE A BABY... HAVE A BABY NOW!!!" just went away.

Does that mean I shouldn't question why... or whether or not the feeling might come back? Because the thing is, it has to some extent. The only difference is that now the feeling exists with some doubt and some questions - and so what?

Why is it that people feel that you absolutely have to know one way or the other? I have a feeling that fate/time/circumstances will be the deciding factors ultimately.

I'd love to include the original email that inspired the post herein, but because I'm not an asshole, I'm not going to because I was asked by said emailer not to. Let's just say that the email basically implied that because I'm blogging extensively about the subject and have so much doubt, that I shouldn't do it. She acknowledged that it was "weird" coming from her being 5 months pregnant, seeing as how she's, "...ecstatic and all," but really.

Which leads me back to this post:

http://tokidornottokid.blogspot.com/2010/06/smug-pregnant-women.html

Okay, I'm sort-of an asshole.

Stick Figure Decals

2010-07-11T14:42:00.000-07:00

Here's yet another thing I won't do if/when I become a parent:

I WILL NOT, under ANY circumstances, affix decals representing every member of my family to my vehicle.

This has been a trend for a while now, and every time I see a car with 10+ decals representing mommy, daddy, child #1, child #2, child #3, child #4, child #5, child #6, dog, cat, hamster, goldfish, monkey, iguana, etc., I want to shoot the person driving it.

Not only is it obnoxious, but it's tacky. It's worse than the bumper stickers that tell everyone on the road that your kid was "student of the day" at such-and-such school.

These decals are also perfect fodder for the serial killer looking to off as many people as possible in one fell swoop. Why anyone in their right mind wants to broadcast how many kids and pets they have to every Tom, Dick and Harry on the road is beyond me.

But maybe that's just my neurotic Jewish paranoia kicking-in.

In a word,

Ick.

Designer Diapers and Pedophilia

2010-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Um, really? I am 100% against this "designer diaper" phenomenon. What idiotic parent is going to shell out more dough for what are essentially disposable underwear that wind up soiled in a mere matter of minutes from the moment they're in place? Aren't diapers already expensive enough? Maybe you should save those pennies for oh... I don't know... a college education? Or, if you've got that much money to burn, maybe you should donate it to something noble instead of your infant's ass. (Okay, I'm sounding all high and mighty), but really folks.

That said, I am also totally against this commercial. Has anyone noticed that there are GROWN MEN scoping out a BABY BOY in retarded looking diapers, or is it just me? Can we say, PEDOPHILIC? Alright, maybe I'm pushing it a bit, but this commercial grosses me out.

I may not be much closer to making a decision about having kids, but I sure am learning a lot about what I would/wouldn't do if I did have them!

Oh Boy...

2010-07-06T10:51:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I was getting slightly closer to a decision about kids... namely one that would potentially involve adopting a few little girls in 3 - 5 years from now, my childhood girlfriend Jodi Cohen-Roth sent me an article from New York Magazine this month, that again raises all of the serious questions I have regarding whether or not to have children.

That said, the article again talks about whether or not the "joy" of parenthood is worth the lack of joy it seems to have a tendency to cloak all other activities with.

Study after study after study seems to indicate that parents are simply less happy than non-parents.

But before I even get into that, let's analyze a few things:

1. Circumstances precluded John and from diving into having children - namely finances.
2. It seems that people like John and myself are spending far too much time over-analyzing everything when it comes to having kids.

That said, I give us serious credit for refraining from jumping in to having kids. I think it goes without saying, (if you've been reading this blog), that having children would've literally doomed us had we already done it.

We live in Los Angeles, a very expensive city, where even rent is considered to be fairly astronomical. As many of you already know, John and I had purchased a house - a great single-family home that would've been perfect for 1 -2 kids.

Nevertheless, the entire time we were in that 3 bedroom house, kids were the last thing on our mind. In fact, within a year of purchasing the home, we were worrying about how we were going to pay the mortgage, let alone the rest of our bills. We had gone from earning considerable incomes to both being out of work - and accruing debt.

Fortunately, we were able to sell the house and simply walk away. As much as it pains anyone to walk away from an investment, John and I were thrilled.

We put a decent amount of money into that home - landscaping, painting, hardware... to try to make the home look fantastic... and it was FUN, but at the end of the day, our neighbors were all douchebags who simply didn't give a damn about well, anything - and who let their property decline in every manner possible.

We now live in a one bedroom apartment. It sounds bleak, but I have to say, I LOVE it. I never dreamt I would say that. I ALWAYS wanted to be a homeowner, but when I became one, it became more of a nightmare than a dream. The cost alone was prohibitive, particularly as we were in the San Fernando Valley, in a home with no insulation - so on top of our ridiculous $4,300 mortgage, our utilities bill in the summer exceeded $1,000.

Anyway. here's the breakdown of Pros and Cons to living in an apartment again. (Fortunately, the pros outweigh the cons).

Pros:

It's on the westside. We LOVE the weather and NEVER want to live in the Valley again for as long as we live.

It's an awesome, brand-new, resort-style building with stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, a state-of-the-art gym, saunas, locker room, heated pool, jacuzzi, top of the line grills, party areas, and restaurants, groceries, bars, cleaners, a gorgeous park and numerous other fantastic things within WALKING distance. Almost unheard of in L.A.

Our puppies love it. They play more here thanks to berber carpeting, than they did in our former home.

The rent is enabling us to completely pay off our debt. I believe within 1 year, we'll be debt-free, have a savings, and a small enough monthly stipend to generate a SAVINGS!!!

Cons:

We don't own, so me spending inordinant amounts of time painting, etc. is futile. I guess I have to live with white walls.

We have a bit less space than we had previously - although our living room where we spend the vast majority of our time, is far bigger. I love it and wouldn't trade it for anything, so I guess this is a Pro.

We have an upstairs neighbor who stomps around a bit. I think she's an over-privileged, wealthy college student whose parents are footing the bill here, which is, needless to say, annoying.

Anyway, there are far more pros than cons, and John and I are genuinely happier here than we were in the house.

In fact, we might even be able to afford vacations now. That wasn't even an option in the house.

But back to children - (note that the following is extracted from the aforementioned New York Magazine article):

Most people assume that having children will make them happier, yet a wide variety of academic research shows that parents are not happier than their childless peers - and in many cases are less so. This finding is surprisingly consistent, showing up across a range of disciplines. Perhaps the most oft-cited datum comes from a 2004 study by Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize–winning behavioral economist, who surveyed 909 working Texas women and found that child care ranked sixteenth in pleasurability out of nineteen activities. (Among the endeavors they preferred: preparing food, watching TV, exercising, talking on the phone, napping, shopping, housework.) This result also shows up regularly in relationship research, with children invariably reducing marital satisfaction. The economist Andrew Oswald, who’s compared tens of thousands of Britons with children to those without, is at least inclined to view his data in a more positive light: “The broad message is not that children make you less happy; it’s just that children don’t make you more happy.” That is, he tells me, unless you have more than one. “Then the studies show a more negative impact.” As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns. But some of the studies are grimmer than others. Robin Simon, a sociologist at Wake Forest University, says parents are more depressed than nonparents no matter what their circumstances—whether they’re single or married, whether they have one child or four.

Definitely food for thought.

Part of me can't help but wonder if John and I have literally spent far too much time thinking about this already, (which the article also cites), and are thus, in some way, shape, or form, already doomed. Perhaps the more we think about this, and over-analyze this, the less inclined we'll be to have children and perhaps, eventually, live in a cloud of regret.

Certainly, I'd LOVE to hear from ANYONE who has opted NOT to have children and is happy with the decision.

Sorry this post is all over the map. You can read the full NY Mag article here:

http://nymag.com/news/features/67024/

Smug Pregnant Women

2010-06-30T08:10:00.001-07:00

My friend Beth Wade sent me this, and I just had to share it:

Enjoy.

Twitards and the Deterioration of our Society's Children

2010-06-29T14:19:00.000-07:00

Continuing the sentiment from yesterday's post, I was watching The Today Show yesterday morning, and Kristen Stewart of Twitard fame was one of their esteemed guests. She was a boring, inarticulate yawn-fest and I am pretty darn sure that Matt Lauer was having a tough time engaging her.

But let's back up... John and I actually bothered to watch the first Twitard movie, and we were appalled. In fact, I can't even recall whether or not we made it through the whole thing. I might have been drinking wine to alleviate the boredom, but in any case, I do not get what all the fuss is about.

The movie flat-out sucked.

The writing is crappy and the acting even crappier. There is nothing to like. People keep telling me the books are better, and you know what, if that's the case, great, but there's no chance in hell I'm ever going to read that stuff. Also, if that's the case, why aren't the movies any good? (Okay, I haven't seen the other two, but gauging from the first, I have the distinct feeling that they suck too, and I'm just not going to bother to find out whether or not I'm right).

Anyway, I guess I'm really happy I don't have a tween or teen at the moment, insisting I drag them to the theater on opening night to watch this garbage. I would seriously rather let my child watch the current incarnation of intelligent and creative vampire entertainment in the form of HBO's True Blood, (despite the violence, etc.), than watch what is essentially a cheesy vampire soap opera that is promoting a lack of talent across the board.

Anyone with me on this?

Anyway, I think I'd have to ixnay the witarday from the Fountain repertoire of acceptable entertainment for the kids we may or may not have.

By the way, thanks to Emma Bing - @ecandy101 for the inspiration behind this post.

Bratz... Not Okay

2010-06-29T08:15:00.000-07:00

Does anyone out there actually allow their children to play with these dolls? Presumably they must, because I think the sales of these things are through the roof.

Look, I may not know whether or not I do or don't want kids, but here's what I do know:

If we do have children, they will not be allowed to play with these dolls.

Anything that compels our prospective children to aspire to be hookers is simply not okay.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy wearing lipstick and heels, but I'm not 8 years old.

And is it just me, or are all of these things practically carbon copies of each other, with barely perceptible variations on skin, hair, and gloss color.

The fact that these things are called Bratz, (spelled with a z mind you), is an even bigger turnoff.

I'm gonna keep this one short and sweet. I frickin' HATE these things.

"I get the sense that you guys really shouldn't do the kid thing."

2010-06-23T12:21:00.000-07:00

So I received my first email a few days ago regarding having children- and the advice given was essentially not to do so, predominantly because, (based on the blog), that John and I have so much doubt.

For some reason, I had a pretty strong reaction to this. A significant part of me was incredibly offended - and I know I was probably overreacting and getting far too bent-out-of-shape about it, but it definitely struck a chord.

I couldn't help but wonder...

What have I written that has been so inflammatory, so off-putting that someone would essentially tell me not to do it? Mind you, the person who wrote the email is pregnant herself.

I can't help but wonder if there are more people reading this blog that think I should refrain from having children. I know I have a few friends who raised an eyebrow when they even heard me mention the prospect of having kids, but nobody else, (yet), has literally advised us not to do it.

I guess I can't blame anyone for having that reaction, and yet I'm really, truly incensed by it. Part of me thinks I'd have the same reaction reading my own blog, (from an outsider's perspective), but I'm not an outsider... I'm in this - and I am seriously debating about whether or not my hubby and I should have kids, as is he.

What's wrong with a little doubt, regardless of the outcome? At least I'm actually taking the time to THINK about what is a huge decision. I mean, how many millions of people get knocked up because of sheer ignorance or irresponsibility, or have more kids than they should because they're looking to set a world record or get a reality show? Or those that bring a few more lives into the world because they think they're supposed to, despite excessive overpopulation and countless orphans nationwide that would give anything for a great home?

I've only been writing about it for a little over a month. Is that too much time to devote to the debate about whether or not to have children? Somehow, I don't think so. Of course I have doubts. Who doesn't have some?

I know that whatever decision we make, ultimately, it will be the right one for us. I feel it's a bit premature on anyone's part to say do it or don't do it either way - but of course it's the don't do its that are getting under my skin...

While I spend way too much obsessing about that, I'd like to bring up the ridiculously adorable experience we had last night while bowling. Our friends Elk and Jeff and their pal Vinnie joined us for a few games - and right next to us were two women and the most adorable little girl. She could barely lift her bowling ball, (which was freakishly cute in and of itself), but this little girl just exuded joy. I mean, it was literally pouring out of her. Every time she'd send her ball down the lane and see a few pins go down, she would dance in the happiest, most blissful manner... and neither John nor I could stop watching. I even asked her mom if I could take a picture, (and she said yes), but unfortunately, I was using my Blackberry with no flash during blacklit bowling. Needless to say it didn't work, but I found the perfect photo to accompany this post thanks to Google Images, and this bowler's website: http://www.timwylie.com/bowling.html

I think it almost goes without saying that last night certainly pushed us in the to kid direction, but we're not 100% sold yet.

Should We Really Bring More Kids Into the World?

2010-06-18T12:29:00.000-07:00

Recently, a number of people have expressed to me that they don't believe this world is a good place to bring new lives into anymore.

Part of me can't help but agree, though part of me also thinks that every generation echoes this same sentiment at one point or another.

I will say however, that this is the first time I'm hearing it on a fairly frequent basis and I can't help but wonder if there is more validity to it now in contrast to previous generations.

That said, I can't help but think about an article my brilliant friend/artist/philosopher Elk sent me from the New York Times a few weeks back. It raises a number of important questions, namely, why people decide to have children, and how much thought they really put into it - taking into account a variety of factors, including overpopulation, whether or not your child will be happy, history of family illness, and the value of life overall, based on general satisfaction.

Peter Singer, author of the blog, references a few philosophers, Arthur Schopenhauer, who basically felt that life inevitably only brings fleeting satisfaction, and David Benatar, author of the book, “Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence.”

Needless to say, both paint a pretty negative picture of reproduction and its ramifications.

Peter Singer takes it a step further, proposing a future world with no sentient beings at all, so that those of us who are here now could, "...party our way into extinction." Clearly a radical idea, and an idea that would never fly - but an interesting concept nevertheless.

In any case, the article further contributed to my confusion about whether or not to have children, though it did push me further in the direction of adoption if we decide to kid...

I've barely done Peter Singer's full NYT piece justice, so you can read it all here:

http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/06/should-this-be-the-last-generation/

In the meantime, I'm seriously contemplating picking up a copy of David Benatar's book.

Puppies Part 4 of 4. Yes, this is the end... I promise - and yes, there's FINALLY a point.

2010-06-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

About a year-and-a-half later, the three of us were living together as a little "fambly" in Burbank, CA.

That's about the time I started to want pup #2. Given that we weren't married yet and still living in an apartment, John couldn't quite wrap his head around that, but in the end, I usually get what I want.

I would continue to nag him about it for the next couple of years. In that span of time, we got married, started new jobs and bought a house.

One day, when we were sitting on the couch watching TV, and the following Petsmart commercial aired:

John and I both look at one another, and our eyes have welled up with tears. That's when we knew our little fambly was about to expand.

Fortunately, the same fabulous breeder, Wendy Bell, had a little girl that she described as "sweet, docile and submissive" - the perfect match for our Otto.

She was sweet and docile for all of 30 seconds. The minute we let her loose in the yard with Otto - it was mayhem:

But, that wound up being a good thing.

John and I are simply stupid for our pups. We're obsessed. Thus the entire week of posts to this end. I apologize if I have been boring you all to tears - but here's the deal.

I can't even bear the thought of losing one of these pups. That said, I can't imagine what having children would do to our relationship with them.

Would we wind up ignoring them? Would they lose the over-privileged, insanely spoiled life they've grown accustomed to?

I know it sounds completely and totally insane, but I can't really bear the thought of that. Would kids be a good addition to the family and would the pups embrace and enjoy it, or would they feel ignored, replaced and sad?

Anyone with any insight into this, please share.

Puppies Part 3 of ???

2010-06-16T04:51:00.000-07:00

I wish I still had the email exchange between the other guy and I, because he was to become my husband, and our daddy to Otto and Anna.

Anyway, I don't. If I recall correctly, my email to him went something like this:

Hey John - are you still single?

I'm sure there was more to it than that, but I was about the meet the love of my life. Funny how that works when you're not really actively looking for it anymore.

It went something like this:

John invited me to his place, (not inside mind you), but just out front so that we could walk over to a cute little Italian restaurant he had selected for our first date. He immediately earned points for a variety of factors: 1. Italian food 2. Outdoor seating with little white lights 3. Chivalry

We sat outside next to a fountain - and everything about the date was absolutely perfect. We couldn't shut up and the conversation lasted for hours on end. When we walked back to his place, he asked if I wanted to come in - and I remember him saying it was not for that reason. Perhaps I was completely out of my mind - I mean, this guy could've been a serial killer after all - but something told me otherwise, and I followed him into his apartment. (I hope my parents aren't reading this).

Anyway, that's where John showed me his R2D2 costume. He figured that if anything would scare me away, that would - and he wanted to get it over and done with so that he wouldn't be heartbroken down the line if he hid it away for too long.

It was really cute. He then walked me to my car, kissed me on the cheek and asked me out on a second date. I said yes.

Second date was at my place - well, it started at Pete's, the restaurant in my building and the one that would become our go to for dates on a regular basis. I should mention that the second date was preceded by numerous hours of phone conversation. John and I were already pretty much in love by the time our second date started - though I don't know how aware we were just yet...

After dinner, I invited him up to my place to meet Otto Potato.

Otto had met other friends, men and people in general and truly seemed to like them all, but his reaction to John was quite different. He was practically glued to John's lap from the moment we sat down. I couldn't help thinking I should trust my pup's instincts. He had essentially chosen his dad. (Not that I hadn't already chosen him too).

Puppies Part 2 of ???

2010-06-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

I should mention that I had been using match.com prior to finding Otto and moving to Downtown L.A., but like I said in the previous post, I had essentially given up on men for the most part. I was 26 at the time, the precise age that I had assumed for the vast majority of my life, I would've been married and with children by. Clearly that wasn't meant to be.

About 3 months into living in the new pad with my new pup and generally enjoying life, emails from various men seeking women were still periodically finding their way into my inbox. One such email came from a gent we'll call "George." George was a nice, polite, chivalrous, smart, handsome, blond-haired, blue-eyed doctor. We got along well and he seemed to like Otto. You'll note this had become a factor in the dating process, which again, I wasn't certain I was really hip on anymore anyway.

George and I went on a handful of dates - and they were entirely pleasant and enjoyable. He was decidedly different from anyone I'd ever dated before, which was refreshing.

Then about a month in, I get another email from another guy. His email and match.com profile were hilarious, which was intriguing, but frustrating, because I was never able to date more than one guy at a time. I had pretty severe tunnel vision when it came to dating. So, I wrote him back, explaining that I had just started dating George, and had no idea where it was going, but that I would hang on to his email address should I find myself looking again. He seemed to appreciate this gesture.

Interestingly, one week later I was over at George's with Otto. Otto desperately wanted on to the couch with George and I.

George wasn't having it.

I had noticed aspects of his anal-retentiveness previously. He seemed to be a bit of a neat freak. Not that this is necessarily an entirely bad thing, but I noticed that in his home, there was very little in the way of stuff. Everything was pretty minimal. Nice, attractive... but fairly minimal, and despite nice fabrics and lots of wood, there wasn't much in the way of a homey feeling.

But it was the couch issue that sent me over the edge. I knew then and there that it wasn't going to work out.

Now where was that other guy's email address?

Puppies Part 1 of ???

2010-06-14T04:20:00.000-07:00

In case you weren't already aware, John and I have two adorable Boston Terriers - Otto Potato, (that's puh-taw-tow), and Anna Banana. There is not a day that goes by where we are not utterly and completely amused and charmed by every little thing that they do. That said, I want to tell the story of how they came to be part of our "fambly" and it's going to take a while, so rather than write a long, drawn-out post about all of it, I'm breaking it up into parts. Eventually, you'll understand why I'm even broaching the subject here... that is, if you're patient. Hopefully you will be.

Here we go:

When I was a single gal, I was living in Venice Beach - and my parents had gotten a Boston Terrier, Spike, who wound up being a bit too much for them to handle. I wound up babysitting him, a lot. My then landlord took notice and was none too thrilled. He warned me that I was not to have dogs on the premises. My parents found another home for Spike and I was completely heartbroken. Given that I had pretty much given up on boys, and dating in general at the time, I decided it was time for some pretty significant changes. I quickly found a killer apartment in Downtown Los Angeles' Old Bank District at 4th and Main that allowed dogs.

Then I found Otto Potato. I was researching Bostons and found a breeder, Wendy Bell, up in Modesto, CA, and on her website was this one pup, that had the most handsome face I'd ever seen on a Boston. I knew he was the pup for me. Perhaps it was fate, because at 10 months, nobody wanted him. He wasn't quite a "puppy" anymore... but he was to me.

It was Valentine's Day in 2004. My parents drove me up to Fresno, where Wendy agreed to meet us since Modesto is pretty far north of Los Angeles, That's where I picked up Otto. He was tiny - all of about 11 pounds and was petrified. Fortunately, I got to sit in the backseat with him and get to know him over the course of the 4 hour drive that followed.

He took my mind off of the fact that I couldn't meet a good man in Los Angeles to save my life. It was awesome. For the first time in a long time I had stopped obsessing about boys. Did I mention I found him online?

The Cost of Raising a Child

2010-06-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

So I was suffering from a bit of insomnia the other night - and wound up in front of the TV from 3 - 5 a.m. At some point, I was watching the Early Today show - and they mentioned that the cost of raising a child, (one mind you), is now $286,050 NOT INCLUDING COLLEGE TUITION, which is another $127,000. That $286,050 only covers costs through the age of 18 as well, and given that the economy has sent many "children" back to their parents homes post-college and beyond, I have a feeling the investment might far greater than that.

To boot, a 4 year-college degree doesn't even seem to cut it anymore in many job markets, but that's another rant.

So this is where I'm really confused. How on earth do people afford this child thing? Albeit, John and I live in Los Angeles, which is an expensive city - and one in which we have, thanks to our lovely economy, taken a financial beating, but I mean even by small-town standards, that's a lot of dough. I understand that it's eked out over the course of 18 + years, but it's still $15,891.67 per year. Look, we're getting back on our feet financially, which is nice, but I cannot even begin to fathom when we'd even be able to handle that kind of expense. And, if we go the adoption route, you can tack on another $20,000 - $45,000 depending on a variety of factors. That's the down payment to adopt a kid... 1 kid.

People who are parents always say, "You figure it out," "You just make it work."

I'm wondering if it's really that easy, particularly these days...

Justin Bieber

2010-06-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

I have a feeling that I'm going to take a lot of heat for this post... but I can't resist.

Justin Bieber is the perfect example of what I fear should John and I choose to have children. We will almost undoubtedly be subjected to music such as his, and it just might push me over the edge.

Let's start with his lyrics:

Baby

oh woahh, oh woahh, oh woahhh

You know you love me
I know you care
And I would never, not be there
You are my love
You are my heart
And we would never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item?
Girl quit playin'
We're just friends,
What are you sayin'
Take another look right in my eyes
My first love, broke my heart for the first time

And now I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine

For you, I would have done whatever
and no i can't believe we're not together
And I'm gonn' play it cool
While I'm losin you
I'll buy you anything
I'll buy you any ring
Cause I'm in pieces
so come fix me
shake me til' you can wake me from this bad dream*
I'm goin down, down, dooown

*everybody!*

Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine

You can give me all of your love
just this time it wont be enough
Nobody told me this day would come
Now I'm all gone
You can give me all of your love
just this time it wont be enough
Nobody told me this day would come

I wa- I was like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I'm like
Baby, baby, baby noo
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Now I'm all gone, gone, gone, gone

Genius!

The tunes themselves and the mere sound of his voice are like nails on a chalkboard to me so the lyrics just add insult to injury.

Next, let's tackle that hair. I know this is going to make me sound like an old fogy, but seriously. Come on. That hair is utterly and completely absurd. (Yes, yes, I know - we've seen flat tops and mullets and I didn't endorse them either), but dare I say this is worse? How much time is that kid spending on his hair on a daily basis? I can assure you it's far more than I spend on mine. Metrosexual is one thing - crossing the line into higher maintenance than myself, or any other girly-girl I know is another. If John and I had tween or teen girls right about now, there'd be no escaping Bieber Fever. Speaking of which, that is mediocre rhyme at best.

Bottom line is, I can't take it. I just can't. Perhaps this is a rather silly reason not to have children... but I believe it is one to consider, at the very least.

Guest Post - Heather Rusch Gonzalez - "Do you ever just stare at her, and think, that is SO awesome?"

2010-06-06T16:58:00.001-07:00

NOTE TO READERS: Heather refers to her children as #1, #2 and #3. That said, enjoy:

There's this great farmers market by my house, that I go to every Saturday. I'm a quasi-vegetarian, so I do the majority of my grocery shopping there. I usually bring my 3 year-old with me, and more often than not, meet my friend Snork (from maidensnork.blogspot.com) there. She's Russian, and just can't resist a one for $6, 2 for $10 deal.

A few weeks ago, we're wandering through the flower vendors' tent. I'm a creature of habit, and have to complete things in a straight, non-backtracking line. The flower guy is way out of the way, but #3 digs the flowers the best, so we start there.... Back of the last row. #3 stops and sniffs all of the flowers as we wander through the stall. I usually let her pick which bundle we're taking home with us, and apparently for a 3 year-old this is serious business that requires extensive research.

For anyone who knows me, they know this must drive me nuts. I'm impatient, and to first be bypassing the goat cheese to visit flowers, then to follow her around while she inspects every flower there... It's a struggle. All I can hear going through my mind is that I really just want to pick up some bok choy and move along.

So the Russian and I are watching Baby one morning, making her rounds amongst the buckets full of flowers, and the Russian says, "Do you ever just stare at her, and think, that is SO awesome?"

And the truth is, I don't. I mean, I love my kids, of course. But do I really appreciate them? Not as much as I should.

I've never been one to want kids. I don't really like them (except for mine, of course). But in general, they're loud, obnoxious, messy, and... frankly.. inconvenient.

But of anything in the world, my kids make me happy, all the time. I'm not the type of mom who caters to my kids, who makes them the center of my existence.

But they are a vital piece of me.

I get jealous, sometimes, of the Snork's kid-free existence. She can do what she wants, when she wants to. Without, really, any repurcussions or planning.

So, no, I might not be able to pick up and take off to Moab for dirtbiking, or eat sushi for dinner every night.

But, I've got three little people who think I'm the greatest thing since potato chips, who I get to miss work for so I can watch her get an award for being an outstanding speller, who can make me laugh by making a goofy face, who say "Mommy, I love you the BEST," for no reason.

It's easy to forget that, in the minutia of the day-to-day parenting.

Having kids hasn't defined me. But having kids has helped me define myself, and made my life fuller than I could have imagined.

End note from me - I think Heather appreciates her kids more than she even knows.

Additionally, I think this is one of the cutest pictures I have ever seen in my entire life.

You can read more of Heather's musings here - http://www.365awesomedays.blogspot.com and follow her on Twitter here: @hmgiraffy

Everything Can Kill Your Child

2010-06-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

When I was young, nothing in our home was baby/child-proofed. There were no such things as little plastic locks for pantry doors, covers for electrical outlets, baby gates and the like.

My mother, an artist and interior designer, didn't forgo her taste to ensure that both my brother and I were in a "safe" environment. This isn't to say she went out of her way to make it unsafe, but it is to say that I don't think she worried about it much - at least not when it came to the home itself. She was beyond paranoid about what might happen to us outside of the house - at the hands of strangers of course, but wasn't very concerned about what would happen to us under our own roof.

I think the one safety concession I can recall was the installation of an iron gate to surround the pool once we were adolescents and probably too old and too wise to drown or accidentally fall in anyway.

This is not to point a finger at my parents by the way. I don't think they did anything wrong in terms of ensuring our safety in the home. In fact, I think they did most things right - and for the most part, my brother and I were never injured in that house for any reason other than our, (my brother's and my), own doing through some sort of roughhousing, or other mischievous behavior that wouldn't and couldn't have been prevented through any warning labels, recalls or baby-proofing paraphernalia.

Today, it seems that unless you go out of your way to baby-proof your home in every imaginable manner, you're a negligent parent.

Moreover, even if you do, chances are you'll hear a news report at least once within the course of the next week about some type of recall... be it a faulty stroller or crib, mercury-laden toys, or some device or type of food, (like hot dogs), that are out to kill your children.

Everything must have a warning label now - because everything and I mean everything can kill your child.

Somehow, my brother and I grew up unscathed. We're still here, sans baby-proofing, warning labels and the like.

Hmm...

Maybe it's because our parents supervised us and didn't allow us to go rifling through the knife drawer in the kitchen? Just a thought...

Intelligence

2010-06-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

I happened upon an article from New York magazine by Po Brosnan from 2007 not too long ago entitled, "How Not to Talk to Your Kids - The inverse power of praise"

Needless to say, I was intrigued.

As I read it, I was enthralled and kind-of sad, because I felt the case studies they were referencing in the article applied to me and it made me reflect on a lot. A LOT.

But, before I go there... let's delve into the gist of it.

Basically, the article examines the repercussions of constantly telling a child that he/she is brilliant, smart, etc. Those who are identified as "gifted" or who possess High IQs tend to fall victim to these repercussions far more often.

Basically, the praise backfires. Because the child is told that they possess above average intelligence, etc. they inevitably assume that everything they set out to do is going to come easy.

Unfortunately, regardless of intelligence, that simply isn't the case. More often than not, even gifted or highly intelligent students, (particularly those that are incessantly praised), get extremely frustrated and/or quit everything they are not immediately exceptional at.

Therein lies the problem.

I was identified as "gifted" in elementary school. I was always placed in advanced courses, including honors and AP through High School. I wouldn't say I was egomaniacal about it - but let's just say that I thought I could conquer and excel at everything/anything.

I thought wrong.

In fact, now that I am reflecting on it - I was always completely frustrated by what I could not do perfectly - and have thus adopted a series of hobbies/interests that I have quit after a rather short period of time.

Some include painting, sewing, writing, law school...

The list could be endless.

I don't think it's a coincidence that it has taken me many years to see this pattern. While I was aware of it before I read the NY Mag article, I wasn't aware of it until I hit 30. The article however drove the point home - and hard.

I can't stand anything I'm not great at. It's ludicrous - but evidently, it's becoming an epidemic among children today.

I seriously can't imagine an entire generation of smart kids who are incapacitated by the fact that they're smart. It's quite sad.

That said, it is the very recognition of that mentality that inspired me to start this blog. I LOVE writing - and while I have occasionally been told I'm exceptional at it - I have also been told the opposite.

Well, frankly, at this stage, I don't give a damn anymore. I'm just gonna write.

The full article from NY Mag can be seen here: http://www.nymag.com/news/features/27840

I nabbed the picture from the article too. Hope I don't get sued.

Bullies

2010-06-01T09:25:00.000-07:00

Bullies used to be relatively benign. I mean, sure... there were the bullies who would threaten to kill your child, but more often than not, their bark was worse than their bite and they would just muss 'em up a bit, (and usually, only if they were boys). There were fights in the playground - after school at 3:00 - but you never heard of anyone really winding up with anything worse than a black eye or a bloody nose.

Today's "bully" is a whole new version of evil. In fact, I am THRILLED and I mean, utterly and completely THRILLED that I am no longer in school. Today's bully is inherently cruel, seems to have virtually no moral compass whatsoever, and shares various personality traits with certain serial killers... namely - the enjoyment of torture inflicted upon other human beings.

When I was growing up, incidents like Columbine didn't exist. At the time, even that was an isolated incident - at least for anyone younger than college age. In fact, Columbine was the 4th deadliest school shooting since the 1927 Bath School Disaster - but the three deadliest shootings that preceded it, (including Bath), all involved college age or older individuals who were severely depressed, had brain tumors, and/or anxiety disorders, that were not properly treated. Columbine wasn't too different in that respect either. The primary culprit, Eric Harris, had expressed depression, suicidal tendencies, and anger prior to the Columbine massacre. He was placed on various anti-depressants and medications, which some speculate may have led to his ultimate demise, and the gruesome, tragic killing of 12 other students, 1 teacher, and the injury of 26 others.

That said, today's bullies scare the living bejeezus out of me. They seem to just simply be mean, cruel and inexplicably violent.

Take for example the recent retaliation of one brother, (Wayne Treacy, whose other brother committed suicide), against a girl, (Josie Lou Ratley), he'd never met. He literally sought her out due to a text message exchange, (pertaining to his deceased brother), and decided she needed to die too. He found her thanks to the help of one of her "friends," and with no warning whatsoever, proceeded to stomp on her head with steel-toed shoes until she was unconscious and barely clinging to life.

This followed another gruesome incident at the same school... wherein a few boys who were squabbling over the cost of a video game, sought out the boy who they claimed owed them money - and set him on fire, using a flammable liquid. THEY SET HIM ON FIRE.

What befuddles me about all of this, is the continued speculation that it is all the result of violent movies, music and video games.

Really? Somehow, I don't think so. Does anyone EVER want to call into question the ability of the kids' parenting abilities? Anyone?

Maybe we should all take a look at the following and read up on Matthew Bent's parents - the parents of the child who actually set Michael Brewer aflame:

http://www.truecrimereport.com/2009/10/teens_douse_15-year-old_michae.php

Um... I grew up watching scary, violent, and sometimes gruesome movies - and I'm FINE. Maybe thanks to the fact that I had a good set of parents, who appropriately disciplined me when I did something wrong. Fortunately, I didn't do anything all that wrong all too often.

Back to today's "bully." There's the recent story of Phoebe Price - a pretty 15 year-old transplant from Ireland to Massachusetts, who was literally cyberbullied and physically bullied by a group of catty, jealous girls, who clearly had no moral compass whatsoever, that ultimately led to Phoebe's suicide. Should we go ahead and blame that on the movie "Mean Girls' which the girls in question were referred to by their peers in school? Or should we perhaps examine the lack of reasonable parenting in today's society that led to those girls' abhorrent behavior? It sure is a hell of a lot easier to blame a movie, isn't it?

One of my favorite quotes from the movie Parenthood, "You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father."

But no, godforbid anyone point a finger at a parent. That's an outrage...

That said, I am NOT saying parents are the ultimate culprits here. There are, in countless incidences, MANY occasions where a great set of parents end up with a rotten egg... and it is truly unfortunate - and more often than not, inexplicable when their children do something horribly, terribly wrong...

But if people continue to point the finger at media... well... then I hate to say it folks, we're going to have a long, nasty, horrific chain of evil, violent events taking place at the hands of our children, thanks to evolving and ever-accessible media and the lack of accountability among parents.

And now... the conclusion of an altogether too long post: why I wrote this in the first place.

Every day when I'm watching the news, my jaw drops every time a story is presented along the lines of what I've summarized here. I can't believe what kids are like today - and part of me wonders... do I really want to bring another life into this?

Guest Contributor - The Real Dani G!

2010-05-27T20:44:00.001-07:00

One of my childhood friends, Dani Gillman-Glickfeld, is a parent to a "special needs" child. Don't get me started on how much I detest that phrase. (Another post, another time). Anyway, I reached out to Dani when I started this blog for a wide variety of reasons... namely, my memories of her are fond, she's a blogger herself, (and a good one at that), and because she's honest, funny and engaging.

I wanted Dani to address a topic that I have had limited personal involvement with, and she gave me far more than I anticipated... so while it's a slightly lengthy post, it's a great read - so hop to it folks. Here we go:

Is this amazingly adorable, or what? I made her. Well, I had some help.

I was not the kind of girl who ever dreamed of getting married, having babies, and being all housewifey or mommy-ish. Just wasn't my style. I was going to be a free spirit, free love, career girl. Well, that was my plan as a teenager. It didn't last long because at 19 I met and moved in with my husband. Much to the surprise of many, I was the first of all my friends to get married. I guess to add insult to injury, we moved away from our fast paced life in Los Angeles and found our way to the suburban midwest. I mean, I'm in the suburbs of Detroit, but still, it's the midwest. After about 3 years of marriage, I started wanting a baby. I'm not entirely sure why but here are some of the reasons I do remember: I wanted something with which I could share unconditional love, something that was part me and part my husband; I wanted my parents to be young enough to enjoy grandchildren (my dad still gushes about his relationship with his own grandfather), and I wanted my children to be able to enjoy and have a relationship with their grandparents. There's one more reason that I can think of... it just seemed like the next right thing to do. You know, first comes love, then comes marriage, then...

Before our daughter was born, my husband and I had it made. We often said that if we weren't us, we'd be jealous of us. Not to be snarky, but rather just enjoying where we "were". Moving away from LA was really quite amazing for us. We had to learn to really rely and depend on each other and we got to experience this whole new life together. It strengthened our bond. Yep, seemed like a baby was the next thing to conquer. So, we got pregnant. Like, right away. I got sick, I got better, I got glowy, I got fat. We didn't find out what we were having which was awesome and so much fun. But, I didn't need to find out because I was SO sure I was having a boy. I picked out a boy's name, painted the room blue and got all kinds of cute little green, yellow, and white clothes. Then one day I pushed and pushed and finally my baby came out. (there was more to it than that, but that's not what this post is about!!) I remember shouting for no one to tell me what it is so that my husband could be the one to tell me. I can still hear his voice whispering to me, "it's a girl". I was shocked. I gave her the boy's name anyway because, well because I could, dammit! I swore I'd never dress her in pink or anything too girly. How could I have a girl? I had no idea what I'd do with one of those! I really was shocked. That was just the beginning of the surprises that were in store for me.

Around her 6 month check up is when we were first alerted to the fact that my bird wasn't hitting milestones. We started physical therapy immediately and started seeing every specialist in town. As time went on, she'd finally hit her milestones, just really late. But, the more time that went on, the more we noticed. At 2, she wasn't talking, so we added speech therapy. At 2 1/2 she was displaying signs of sensory problems, so we added Occupational Therapy. Around 3 1/2 we finally got the Autism diagnosis and we added Play therapy and Applied Behavioral Analysis (google it. I don't have time to explain it now). We're active in "special needs" organizations and have made some pretty great connections with some pretty incredible people who are in the same boat. One of the charities we love pairs typical teens with kids with special needs. I don't know all the volunteers that have worked with my kid, but I've been stopped in the grocery store, restaurants, etc. by people who know and love my kid. I tease each new therapist that works with her that they're bound to fall in love with her. Each and every one of them tell me that they adore her and that she's become a part of their hearts. At 5 years old, my kid has already made an impact on the lives of others', just by being herself. I doubt most "typical" kids' parents hear that kind of stuff. Would I trade it all for a typical kid? Maybe. This is a tough life.

Is it all worth it? Would I do it all over again? Most days I'd tell you YES! Definitely!! But, I'd be lying if I said that I feel like that ALL the time. In fact, I kinda think any parent of any kid has at least a day or two like that.

I've gone back and forth about whether to have another child. If I was guaranteed a typical, healthy kid, I'd probably go for it. But, since I can't seem to get that guarantee, I'm out. My husband argues that we should have the chance to have a normal kid. I just can't take the risk. Some days I'm not at all concerned about having another kid like my bird. I'm scared of all the other shit out there; the rare disorders she'd been tested for while we were ruling things out; the things I've seen in waiting rooms, etc. I would like a sibling for my bird (and maybe a future caretaker!!), but I also want to be able to give 110% of myself to her and I'm not sure it would be fair to another kid. I know some siblings of people with special needs, and they do feel like it's their responsibility to care for their sibs as they age. A couple years ago I sat, waiting for my nails to dry at a salon, and an older lady (80+) told me that "the world is so big and she'll find where she fits." I think that there are so many ways that the world is growing more and more accepting of people with special needs and I really do think she'll find her fit.

So, even though my dream didn't happen exactly as I'd hoped and planned, I've turned into the most amazing mom I know. It's true. I never thought I'd be as patient, loving, and accepting as I am. I honestly surprise myself daily. Especially since I do dress her in pink every so often :)

You can read more of Dani's musings on her blog right here: http://imjustthatway.blogspot.com/

Discipline

2010-05-26T21:01:00.000-07:00

It seems parents have literally gotten to the point where they're afraid to discipline their children. I'm not talking about hitting, spanking or any form of physical discipline, (in fact I tend to not agree with that at all). I'm talking about what parents do when their children are literally being crazed, spoiled, tantrum-throwing little maniacs, (as kids tend to be from time-to-time), and how they opt to deal with it.

Here's a case in-point. John drew this illustration of a child he just saw in the Ralph's supermarket on our block. This girl, while cute, had turned into a bit of a demonic nightmare, as she plopped herself down in the center of a grocery aisle, and basically started screeching at the top of her lungs for some reason or another. (Chances are, she was just a bit cranky and/or not getting her way in some manner).

That said, the Mother attempted to address her daughter as follows:

"My goodness. You're in a bad mood. Please stop that. Please, please, please stop that" in a voice that was barely above a whisper.

Needless to say, it didn't work.

I don't know what this business is of begging and pleading with your children to listen to you as its parent and guide. You shouldn't have to ask a shrieking child to, "...please stop doing that." You should simply be able to say, in a stern, direct manner - "I am not going to tolerate that kind of behavior from you, and if it continues, there will be consequences."

Albeit, that language might be a bit too elevated for a toddler, but you get my drift.

And, on another note, maybe that language isn't too elevated. Kids are sponges and I feel like they're treated like morons.

But that's another post.

Correct me if I'm wrong - but this soft-spoken business, when dealing with a child who is clearly not a moron and who is clearly manipulating its parent because it knows it can, is absurd.

Look, I know many parents out there might come after me for this - because I've never been there - and I'm sure there is a bit of desperation on the part of the parent - particularly when in public - but I guess what I'm getting at, is that too many parents want to be their children's friends - and not disciplinarians, even when it's in the best interest of the child.

And look - I've seen the opposite end of the spectrum as well - unnecessarily harsh discipline that doesn't really seem to do much other than hurt - but again, this sweet, begging/pleading stuff is just nauseating.

We all have to learn our lessons - both as kids and as adults. And look, I'm more than willing to admit that I have absolutely NO IDEA whether or not I could effectively discipline a crazed maniacal little toddler... but I'm pretty confident that I wouldn't say please in a voice that smacks of Cartman's Mom on South Park. "Poopsykins" anyone?

Alright, we're open for comments folks.

Oh - and my sincerest thanks to my hubby John for the AWESOME illustration. Love, love, love.

The Parenting Pyramid

2010-05-26T10:45:00.000-07:00

Really?

Damned if you do, Damned if you don't?

2010-05-25T06:25:00.001-07:00

Here are a few headlines that intrigued me regarding children and marital happiness/satisfaction, (or lack thereof).

Marriage without children the key to bliss
Married life is the key to happiness but having children can ruin it all, a psychologist claims.(Kate Devlin, Medical Correspondent, telegraph.co.uk)

Study: Marital Satisfaction Takes a Dive When Baby Arrives (Bill Hendrick, WebMD Health News)

CULTURE | TRUE OR FALSE
Having Kids Makes You Happy (Lorraine Ali, Newsweek)

Hmm... they certainly make you think, don't they?

Here are a few intriguing excerpts from the aforementioned articles:

In the couples without children, declines in marital satisfaction occurred gradually over time. Men had decreased relationship dedication, as well, over time.

In Daniel Gilbert's 2006 book "Stumbling on Happiness," the Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child—and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains that parents are happier grocery shopping and even sleeping than spending time with their kids. Other data cited by 2008's "Gross National Happiness" author, Arthur C. Brooks, finds that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless.

The most recent comprehensive study on the emotional state of those with kids shows us that the term "bundle of joy" may not be the most accurate way to describe our offspring. "Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers," says Florida State University's Robin Simon, a sociology professor who's conducted several recent parenting studies, the most thorough of which came out in 2005 and looked at data gathered from 13,000 Americans by the National Survey of Families and Households. "In fact, no group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It's such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they're not."

Simon received plenty of hate mail in response to her research ("Obviously Professor Simon hates her kids," read one), which isn't surprising. Her findings shake the very foundation of what we've been raised to believe is true. In a recent NEWSWEEK Poll, 50 percent of Americans said that adding new children to the family tends to increase happiness levels. Only one in six (16 percent) said that adding new children had a negative effect on the parents' happiness. But which parent is willing to admit that the greatest gift life has to offer has in fact made his or her life less enjoyable?

Parents may openly lament their lack of sleep, hectic schedules and difficulty in dealing with their surly teens, but rarely will they cop to feeling depressed due to the everyday rigors of child rearing. "If you admit that kids and parenthood aren't making you happy, it's basically blasphemy," says Jen Singer, a stay-at-home mother of two from New Jersey who runs the popular parenting blog MommaSaid.net. "From baby-lotion commercials that make motherhood look happy and well rested, to commercials for Disney World where you're supposed to feel like a kid because you're there with your kids, we've made parenthood out to be one blissful moment after another, and it's disappointing when you find out it's not."

For the sake of not making this post insanely long, (I fear it already will be), I'll say this...

It seems that marital satisfaction declines over time either way, (according to these studies that is), so it's just a matter of when. If you have children, martial satisfaction seems to decline at a faster pace, (though the studies do in fact show that children add entirely new dimensions of happiness and contentment).

Studies however are not the end-all-be-all, and I for one would like to believe that, should John and I choose to have kids, (particularly girls), we'll be just fine. I'd also like to continue to believe that we'll be happy against all odds. Given what we've been through in the past two years, I have a feeling we will be.

I'll end on this: I posted the image of this book for a reason. The fact that this book exists is a bit disconcerting. Its contents... more so.

Comments? Come on folks. You can post anonymously you know.