Thursday, June 28, 2012

Best Pregnancy Book Ever... Thanks Teresa Strasser!

So a little while ago, I polled all of my mommy friends about which books are "must reads" on pregnancy. I figured that if I'm committed to this whole kidding thing, I better start doing my homework and find out what I'm in for if I actually manage to get a bun in the oven. (Man do I hate that saying, but knocked up is starting to make me nuts too). Anyway, I have absolutely no desire to purchase the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" tome and am thus avoiding it like the plague. I don't necessarily have anything against it, but for me, it's a lot like Jurassic Park. That movie came out and I swear I couldn't walk two feet without someone telling me that I absolutely had to see it immediately. Guess what that does for me? It has the polar opposite effect. Jurassic Park was released in 1993 - I finally saw it in 2010. (And I actually really liked it... but I digress).

My mommy friends' recommendations included The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy and Belly Laughs. I have since read them both, (sort-of). Let's start with Belly Laughs. It's Jenny McCarthy's humorous and semi-scatalogical take on the whole pregnancy thing. It's a quick read... and it isn't terrible, but it's one that I could've probably lived without. It left me with the impression that Jenny was a little too busy being pregnant or already basking in the glow of her child by the time she got around to writing it to really give it the substance that it seems to lack. A lot of the content also felt very been-there, done-that to me. (Maybe because I've been reading way too much about pregnancy online. Who knows?)

Next up is The Girlfriends' Guide. In all fairness, I must report that I haven't yet finished this one... but I've read a decent portion of it, (at least half). This one, in my humble opinion anyway, is far better than "Belly Laughs." There's plenty of substance and anecdotes, and it isn't obnoxious. Parts are even quite funny.

But here's the problem.

Halfway through The Girlfriend's Guide, I remembered something, or rather, someone and her something.

Teresa fucking Strasser.

How the hell did I completely forget about the fact that she just wrote a book about her own first-time pregnancy aptly titled, Exploiting My Baby???

I had it overnighted, because I'm impatient like that.

Now, 155 pages in, I've dogeared at least 50, some of which I've dogeared multiple times... you know... the double and triple folds, to remind myself that Teresa said something that was either particularly horrifying or hilarious, and that I absolutely had to blog about it. I find extreme comfort in knowing that there's a woman out there who over-thinks everything as much, if not more so, than I do.

My mommy friends probably aren't aware of this book, because sadly, it didn't exist when they were pregnant. I feel badly for them. I'm not even pregnant yet, and I can already tell that this book will become my security blanket during pregnancy. I will refer to it when I'm scared, anxious, hormonal or feeling very Jewgly - knowing that I will feel much better having done so.

Here's some insight as to why this book is just so fanfuckingtastic:

Chapter 9 is entitled, "How Freaky and Paranoid is Your Google History?"

The next seven pages consist of Teresa Strasser's verbatim history of her baby-related Google searches pertaining to her third month of pregnancy.

Here are a few of the inclusions:

Imminent miscarriage
Nonviable pregnancy but no miscarriage yet
CVS not risky?
Nonalcoholic beer during pregnancy
Positive urine nitrate test
Down syndrome likelihood 38

Mind you, "Imminent miscarriage" is listed 7 times in as many pages.

This woman totally speaks my language and I love her.

You should read this book - even if you've already pushed out a few and/or have no plans to be pregnant. (That includes you Simone).


  1. hahahah - i will not be getting pregnant, but i will ck out this book because funny women make my soul soar.

    so glad you found something that works FOR YOU!


  2. I just finished this myself. I bought it for my wife (week 35) and we read it together. I'm as neurotic as Teresa (long time fan) and my wife could easily relate to Teresa's exploitations. All in all, it's hilarious and Teresa is genius-funny.

  3. Teresa definitely got me through my pregnancy. Now I need the sequel; Exploiting My Baby: The First Year.