Tuesday, May 18, 2010

To Kid or Not to Kid... a Weighty Issue

I have touched on this before, but let me elaborate. (Indulge me, please).

I have struggled with weight my entire life. From the time I was a little girl, I noticed that I had more meat on my bones - more muscle in particular, than my peers. It made it VERY and I mean VERY frustrating to wear things like leggings in elementary school. I was ridiculously self-conscious about my legs in particular - and am to this day, though I have made vast improvements respecting my self-image and confidence. In fact, nowadays, I'm okay with what I look like. Are there things I wouldn't mind altering just a teeny-tiny bit? Of course, but let's no go there... at least not in this post.

Here's where the selfish/vanity aspects come into the picture. (You're going to wonder what this has to do with getting preggers, but bear with me).

I have never overeaten, nor have I eaten too much due to stress, nor have I eaten unhealthily... In fact... my parents did a really good job of teaching me to eat properly. I was always active, whether it was dance classes or otherwise... but... for whatever reason(s), I have almost always been bit overweight. Mind you, my portions are spot-on as well. Most people think I eat like a bird.

Anyway - as I got older, and started contending with 'female' issues like raging hormones, I had various doctors proposing a variety of reasons for why I wasn't able to lose weight, despite rigorous physical activity, an appropriate diet, and so-on-and-so-forth.

One day, one of them finally said - "Hey, you've got PCOS, (Polysystic Ovarian Syndrome). You shouldn't eat carbs!" Okay, so I stopped eating carbs, (the bread/pasta/grain kinds - not the veggie/fruit kinds), and lo-and-behold, I lost weight. Lots of it. Mind you, I was exercising as well... everyday.

But then of course, I started eating carbs again. Even though I was eating less food calorically, I gained weight, despite continued exercise.

Years later, I had other doctors tell me I didn't have PCOS, and that my other doctors had all been crazy/wrong/whatever.

Long story short - I kept packing on the pounds. The ONLY, and I mean the ONLY way I feel good, energetic, positive, etc. AND lose weight - is by not eating pasta, bread, potatoes, starches, etc. That's it. Bottom line. No doctor can explain it - and frankly, I just don't give a damn anymore. It works for me, and what's wrong with a pragmatic approach? If one more person tells me that it's calories in, calories out, I"m going to lose it.

Anyway - that said, I know being pregnant would make my life miserable in certain respects, (not just the inevitable weight gain), but because I have also struggled with hormonal imbalances. Fun stuff. Birth control is something I HAVE to be on. It isn't really a CHOICE. It regulates me. We'll leave it at that. No, I'm not a crazy loon without it, but let's just say I've experienced some very unpleasant, (and sometimes unbearable e.g. requiring a hospital visit and demerol), physical pain on a monthly basis without it - and who wants to deal with that?

And yes, I've been told that being pregnant lowers your risk of various cancers, can become the natural way to 'regulate' everything and blah blah blah blah blah...

You know what? I don't know that actually getting pregnant is worth experimenting with as a potential method for straightening all of that out.

Besides, I've got it all under decent control right now... and, as the saying goes... If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

Why is this so HARD?

P.S. I toyed with the obvious imagery for a while this morning, (pregnant belly, scale, etc.), and happened upon this image, which I decided was perfect. A bit strange, but perfect. I do however have to credit where I found the darn thing because I have no idea whether or not I"m completely ripping someone off. I think it's some funny Brit's page which I will undoubtedly look into later when I'm not half-asleep: http://bobballs.wordpress.com/2009/07/

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